海角大神

A heart that refuses to close

Staff writer Harry Bruinius鈥檚 cover story this week is an extraordinary look at the graces and trials of the attempt to forgive. It charts the stories of two mothers, M枚rch and Jolyn Hopson, whose lives intertwined in the most searing way.

How long does forgiveness take?

That was the question Giselle M枚rch asked. She had just heard the story of a man whose brother had been murdered in an argument over sneakers. The man鈥檚 forgiveness was instrumental in getting his brother鈥檚 murderer released on parole. Now, he works with his brother鈥檚 killer to promote reconciliation and healing in communities.

But he had no answer for Ms. M枚rch. 鈥淥n your journey to healing, you may not even get to forgiveness, but you don鈥檛 have to put any parameters around how long it鈥檚 supposed to take.鈥�

It was an answer M枚rch could understand.

Staff writer Harry Bruinius鈥檚 cover story this week is an extraordinary look at the graces and trials of the attempt to forgive. It charts the stories of two mothers, M枚rch and Jolyn Hopson, whose lives intertwined in the most searing way: Ms. Hopson鈥檚 son, along with two others, is charged with killing M枚rch鈥檚 son.

What emerges is a portrait of striking intimacy 鈥� a product of the trust these women put in Harry to tell their story honestly and compassionately. And in its own way, the story offers an answer to M枚rch鈥檚 question.

It tells of Hopson, who lost 50 pounds as she wrestled with her own intense emotions and woke up every morning at 6 to pray for M枚rch 鈥� before she even knew her. It tells of Alice Oaks, who found the strength to forgive after her first son was murdered but is 鈥減raying to God to keep strengthening me to press forward鈥� after the murder of her second son. And it tells of Darryl Green, who works alongside his brother鈥檚 murderer in a venture called Deep Forgiveness.

鈥淗ow many of you feel like you are dying inside?鈥� he asked a group including M枚rch at one session. 鈥淗ow many of you are carrying this huge weight around?鈥�

鈥淪ometimes it is a spirit of unforgiveness that will kill you.鈥�

For some, like Mr. Green, forgiveness takes time. In his case, it took 20 years. And he still thinks about the fact that his brother will never get to meet his nieces. 鈥淣ot every day is a good day.鈥�

For others, like M枚rch, forgiveness for all those involved in a loved one鈥檚 death seems a task of such enormity that it is beyond words. Considering it, she can only utter an awestruck 鈥渨ow.鈥�

What binds them, however, is the struggle to embrace the forgiveness that has kindled even when it is not yet complete or comfortable. M枚rch hopes she can work with Hopson to help local youths. She has, she says, taken a 鈥渂aby step.鈥�

And what brings them together is the mutual bond they form. M枚rch鈥檚 story is a window into how communities beset by violence begin to cope with the unthinkable toll: by leaning on one another. 聽

How long does forgiveness take?

Harry鈥檚 story suggests that this may not be the right question. Perhaps more important is the beauty of a heart that refuses to close, despite the deepest wounds the world can make.