海角大神

When little girls become princess-obsessed, parents react with a mix of 鈥渁ww鈥� and shock. Seeing a toddler in a princess gown is enough to make even the most cynical adult swoon and praise her for her adorable beauty.

But when that same little princess refuses to get dressed for preschool in mid-winter because, she tantrums in a heap of tears, 鈥淧rincesses聽don鈥檛 wear sleeeeeeeeves!鈥濃�攚ell, some parents wish their girls would have a feminist awakening, and fast.

Sadly, Gloria Steinem is too busy to serve as fairy godmother to our nation鈥檚 10 million preschool girls鈥攕o what鈥檚 a concerned parent to do? The situation often seems hopeless, as Devorah Blachor鈥檚 satirical-prescription-gone-viral for creating a feminist toddler鈥斺�溾�溾赌攕耻驳驳别蝉迟蝉.

So many parents are so frustrated by the grip that princess culture has on their daughters that, as a professor and researcher of girls鈥� media culture, I decided to research what could be done. I spent two years immersed in the literature and in fieldwork, interviewing more than 40 parents about what worked for their families. I even went undercover聽脿听濒补聽Ms. Steinem鈥檚 鈥淧layboy Bunny鈥� days, getting a job as a birthday party princess and partying with little girls while dressed as Cinderella and The Little Mermaid on weekends. It was incredibly fun and also yielded a lot of insights (despite having to fend of off the occasional drunken uncle leering down my clamshells, eww).

As I explain in my resulting book, "," there鈥檚 no switch you can flip to de-princess a little girl鈥搉or should there be. Princesses are terrific fun for girls, and the newer crop of princesses (like Merida, Rapunzel, Anna, and Elsa) are actually pretty decent role models for our kids.

No, the answer is not to turn our toddlers into little feminist automatons who can quote Naomi Wolf on demand. Rather, it鈥檚 to raise children鈥攂oys and girls alike鈥攖o be critical, media-literate viewers, and it鈥檚 absolutely possible to begin this process in the preschool years. If you鈥檙e concerned about princess culture devouring your daughter鈥檚 identity and delivering nasty stereotypes about what鈥檚 appropriate for girls to do, wear, and think, here are some tips:

1. Communicate your family鈥檚 values to your child. Studies show that if children don鈥檛 know what their parents value鈥攆or example, that they believe girls should be more than just pretty, or that it鈥檚 important to have friends from different backgrounds, with different interests鈥攃hildren can assume their parents believe the opposite of what they do. (The studies in which innocent little white kids claim that their open-minded, anti-racist parents would never want them to play with black kids are cringe-inducing.) So let your kids know, in age-appropriate terms, what鈥檚 important to you. Young children identify with their parents, so clarifying what you value is key.

2. Establish a healthy media diet for your child. Avoid letting her have more than two hours of screen time each day, and make sure that junky TV shows, apps, and movies are countered by educational and prosocial ones. It鈥檚 all about balance.

3. Watch and talk about media content with your child. Every now and then, be sure to sit down and watch TV or movies with her. If something happens on screen that aligns with your values, talk back to the screen and offer positive reinforcement in an age-appropriate way. This can be as simple as saying something like, 鈥淲ow, I鈥檓 glad she spoke up for herself! That was really great.鈥� And if something you disagree with happens, call it out: 鈥淥h, that wasn鈥檛 very nice. He shouldn鈥檛 have treated her that way.鈥� (No need to call him a tool of the patriarchy! Save that one for a Jezebel thread.)

4. Teach your child about media creation. When kids realize that all media are created by people, and that TV shows are not some benignly neutral window into another part of the world, this can really changes their perspective on the media in a healthy way. With preschoolers, this can be as simple as pointing to the end credits on a movie and saying, 鈥淲ow, look at how many people are listed in the credits! Those are the names of people whose job it was to make this movie.鈥� You鈥檙e planting seeds that will be useful later on鈥攆or example, recognizing that, hey鈥攖hat character could have acted or looked a different way, but someone decided to create another boring stereotype, instead.

Practicing these techniques won鈥檛 effect an instantaneous Cinderella-style transformation on your preschooler鈥攂ut over time, it will make her media literate. Really! And if you establish healthy patterns of communication with your daughter from an early age, she鈥檚 likely to feel comfortable coming to you with whatever problems she faces later on鈥搒tuff that鈥檚 way more worrisome than a few passively pretty princesses.

海角大神 has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Rebecca Hains blogs at聽聽and the original post shared here can be found聽.