海角大神

Platinum prices for Iranian weddings poke at revolutionary norms

One in three marriages in Tehran now end in divorce. The luxury wedding industry is a window onto Iran's shifting social values and a challenge to official rhetoric in the Islamic Republic.

In the wedding planner鈥檚 lair, the Iranian bride-to-be sits on a black leather couch, dolled up in a tailored yellow jacket and red lipstick, flanked by her parents.

The news isn鈥檛 good.

Their wedding venue听鈥撎齛 remote garden, tailor-made for lavish weddings 鈥撎齢ad been shut down the night before by police for breaking all the rules that are typically broken at such events in Iran. Men and women danced together; headscarves disappeared; there was no permit.听Now they were scrambling to find an alternative for their $20,000 nuptials,听the听going rate here these days for a luxury wedding.

Such conspicuous displays of wealth are testing Iran鈥檚 revolutionary norms, both because of the economic divide that they showcase as well as a broader shift in social attitudes that underpin a surge in divorces. The wedding industry offers a window into these shifting mores and into the efforts by officials to curb or corral them, with limited success.

Most Iranians are unlikely ever to peer inside the walled gardens of platinum-priced weddings. But social media and satellite channels are bringing the images to the masses at a time when Iranians were supposed to be tightening their belts听to combat nuclear-related sanctions. And the rising divorce rate cuts across social class 鈥撎齩ne in three marriages in Tehran end in divorce, a fact not lost on Iran鈥檚 clerical establishment.听

The Tehran听Friday听prayer leader 10 days ago, for example,听even started his sermon with听a lecture on the importance of marriage in Islam, before moving on to the routine anti-US, anti-Israel rhetoric.听Iran is plagued by 500 divorces a day, he said.

Couples need to 鈥渒now God鈥� and be revolutionary, said Ayatollah Ali Movahedi-Kermani. 鈥淯nfortunately the priorities have changed.鈥� The basis has turned into materialistic stuff, so if pleasure is disrupted they just divorce.鈥� What happened to patience?鈥�

Gold coins and sexual satisfaction

Divorce numbers have more than doubled in the last decade, according to official statistics. To slow the trend, the Ministry of Health听in recent months听added education about sexual satisfaction to mandatory pre-marriage courses.

Dowry laws have also been changed. Two years ago,听the maximum legal dowry was reduced to 110 gold coins, roughly听$29,400, in order to make the proceeds of such action less appealing to women and to deter defrauding of men by unscrupulous women. Brides can demand a dowry before or during marriage, and certainly if things turn sour. Last month听another听law was changed听so that men are not immediately sent to jail for nonpayment of dowries 鈥� a move aimed at easing pressure on prisons.

An older Iranian man who recently听re-married said he had to pledge a dowry of 100 gold coins to impress his bride鈥檚 family, though the couple privately agreed not to exchange gold.听He described his ceremony as simple, in contrast to others that seek to听鈥渟how the worth and honor of the family, in competition with others,鈥� even if it puts a family into debt. 听

After the 1979 Islamic revolution,听this groom says, even the richest Iranians 鈥渄rove ordinary cars and ate normal food, but had fat bank accounts. Now we have the exact opposite.鈥澨�

A Mercedes-class wedding

It is relatively easy to marry in Iran, with a straightforward civil ceremony overseen by a cleric recognized as legal.听Couples need to take blood tests, a short pre-marriage course, and get听the approval of the father of the bride. The wedding celebration itself is a cultural tradition, and as religious 鈥� or not 鈥� as a family wants it to be.

For those in search of glitz, there is the demimonde of the wedding planners. At an unmarked home office in an upscale Tehran neighborhood, groups sit on clusters of couches in the living room and hallway, taking turns with a planner whose hard-sell tactics tap into each family鈥檚 desire to sparkle on the night. When the family that lost its venue starts quibbling about the band, the feast, the white-gloved service 鈥撎齛nd the chances of a police raid 鈥� they are told: 鈥淚 am selling you a Mercedes! It will be the best." 听

Demand is strong for alternatives to official wedding halls, where men and women must stay on separate floors, and mixed dancing is taboo.听Such alternative venues come and go: In the past one-and-a-half months alone, 154 gardens used for luxury weddings, or nearly half the total available, have been shuttered.

鈥淥ur families are traditional, but what we see on satellite channels is modern and we are stuck in the middle,鈥澨齭ays the wedding planner. Social media helps sell his business, but opulent scenes also prompt crackdowns. A policeman听from a special judiciary unit that was raiding one wedding told him: 鈥淭hey brought me from the Kurdistan frontline fighting Islamic State, to deal with听this!鈥澨�

Health Ministry research published last week shows that marriage ranks only the seventh priority for young Iranians, with a job and money topping the list.

鈥淭he idea is this new generation is quite irresponsible, because they鈥檝e been living off their parents and were not responsible for doing anything on their own,鈥� says Nasrin Izadpanah, a lawyer who has handled divorce cases for a decade.听

She has seen couples together for years 鈥渞ealize they can鈥檛 live under the same roof even 24 hours,鈥� and seen a lack of both commitment and honesty.听The fact that couples legally can鈥檛 live together before marriage, she says, and emotional decisions made with little forward thinking, keep divorce numbers high.听

Quickie divorces and alimony payments

Divorce is straightforward in Iran, provided the man agrees. In the past, women would have to repeatedly petition a court to get an unwilling spouse to accept. Now a deal is usually reached first, for example over alimony, so that divorce can be granted quickly. Couples must first visit an official marriage counselor, and there鈥檚 a three-month window before annulment to allow for a change of heart.

Most divorce cases of young newlyweds,听says Ms. Izadpanah,听are over small-bore disagreements; few are as civilized as the couple depicted in the Oscar-winning film 鈥淎 Separation.鈥� She adds: 鈥淏efore people were more flexible, they were willing to compromise. But nowadays it seems they just want to hurt each other."

Avoiding such hurt is the job of Ahmad Basiri, a white-turbaned cleric听with a听close-cropped salt-and-pepper beard听who has served as a religious marriage counselor for 27听years. He has been married 29 years, and says Islam has a structure that divides life into segments, with marriage being a critical one.听

Social media and satellite channels, he says, 鈥渁re poisoning our families鈥� by 鈥渕aking immoral relations seem normal鈥澨�鈥� a view widely held among conservatives. Satellite dishes are illegal, but widely used. 听

Luxury weddings are a sign of 鈥済etting far from religious beliefs,鈥� says Mr. Basiri,听sitting on the carpet of听an ornate blue-tiled mosque. 鈥淭he Iranian people have shown throughout history, that in the end they will do a U-turn and return to those Islamic beliefs.鈥�

That was not the expectation last week at one luxury wedding, 20 miles west of Tehran, in a leafy garden with high walls deliberately听made to look from the outside like just another听industrial听compound,听so as not to invite police attention. Inside the manicured grounds, as听the couple sat before a spread of glass ornaments and candles, gifts were announced with competitive flair: The bride鈥檚 sister gave two gold coins; an aunt 鈥� spoken very loudly 鈥撎齢ad 鈥渏ust come from America鈥� and gave $600.

Then inside a hall the band began playing a pop song with traditional beats and a pounding bass line. Wedding-goers rose from their glittering tables, women removed their headscarves 鈥� if they still had them on 鈥� and jokes about a police raid died away听as they听joined the bride and groom on the dance floor.