Why for pandemic parents, the bathroom is the only escape
Teacher Wendy Couldridge teaches her daughter Milly from home in Hertford, Britain, March 23, 2020, as the spread of the coronavirus continues.
Andrew Couldridge/Reuters
Paris
It鈥檚 6:20 in the morning. The fourth full day under lockdown. While some Parisians will be enjoying a leisurely lie-in 鈥� working from home or on paid leave 鈥� I am awakened by my 3-year-old daughter, whose calls increase in intensity.
鈥淢ama! Mama! Pee-pee! Colette!鈥�
Minutes later, my 18-month old starts coughing herself awake. I鈥檓 not so much worried she has the coronavirus (although who knows) as I am annoyed. Once again, I have approximately the next 12-15 hours to spend with my kids.
Why We Wrote This
The coronavirus is a global pandemic, but it is also a family-level challenge in countries under lockdown. Here鈥檚 how one young mother in Paris is trying to cope.
I love my children. Of course I do. But ever since French President Emmanuel Macron announced that schools in France would be closed indefinitely due to the coronavirus pandemic, and then 鈥� days later 鈥� that we would be allowed out of our homes only for groceries or medical visits, I have been filled with a terror I have never known. What the heck am I going to do with my kids for the next 14 to聽however-many days?
Under normal circumstances, my partner and I aim to get our girls out of our small two-bedroom apartment by 9 a.m. 鈥� school day or not 鈥� lest they start climbing the walls/tearing up the place. Now, it would seem, that is all there is to do.
Editor鈥檚 note: As a public service, we鈥檝e removed the paywall聽for all our coronavirus coverage. It鈥檚 free.
Luckily, parents in France can look to the experience of those in Asia who鈥檝e already suffered through months of lockdown to guide us, or take advice from Spaniards and Italians who are living on a surreal future plane, days or weeks ahead in their lives in confinement: Keep a schedule. Create quiet time. Get some fresh air every day.
The first few days聽chez moi聽were filled with New Year鈥檚 resolution-like euphoria. I unearthed a giant piece of cardboard from the back of the closet and created a daily 鈥渓earning board,鈥� ready to embark on my new career as homeschool teacher. There were stickers for each day of the week, numbers, and letters, and I printed a stack of toddler activity sheets to boot. It was all going to be okay.
By day three, the stickers were still in the same place on the learning board as the day before and papers were strewn across the living room. The girls were still in their pajamas at 10 a.m. And were those animal stickers lining the toilet seat?
I can see that my twice-a-week iPad limit is going out the window. My 3-year-old is already asking for Peppa Pig every night before dinner and I am too exhausted to say no.
Thank goodness for the endless supply of internet memes, which range from the silly to the downright dire. Most involve some version of child imprisonment while parents work, be it strapping them down in front of the TV or quite literally locking them in a cage.
You see, it鈥檚 not enough that we have to find ways to entertain and educate our little demons during this trying time, but we also have to find a way to keep our jobs.
Seeing as how the bathroom is the last bastion of privacy (when the kids are not trying to beat down the door), I expect that I, like many French parents, will be using this tiny haven to answer work emails, make calls, and write 鈥� or at least respond in peace to the scores of WhatsApp messages from other parents in lockdown misery that flood my phone.
These days, WhatsApp and FaceTime are not just diversions; they鈥檙e life savers, especially for families with older kids. But apart from group phone chats among friends and loved ones, they offer no solution for tweens with serious energy to burn. In France at least, we鈥檙e allowed short periods of outdoor exercise every day. Spaniards can take their dogs for a walk, but not their children.
鈥淚t鈥檚 really complicated,鈥� says Ruth de Andres, my partner鈥檚 cousin and mother of an 8-year-old girl and 13-year-old boy in Le贸n, Spain. 鈥淲hat do you do with all this energy? My daughter loves to dance but after a certain point, she gets bored. Then she鈥檒l play her viola but after 10 minutes she gets tired. It鈥檚 been very hard 鈥� I鈥檓 exhausted.鈥�
But parents with older children have to do more than just keep them physically under control; they also have to make sure their brains don鈥檛 turn to mush.
In France, the government has promised to provide online classes, but the platforms crashed the first day. Many high school seniors are stressing about how they鈥檒l pass the end-of-year exams in subjects like math and biology when they barely understand them in the classroom. For children with illiterate parents, the challenges are compounded.
In a way, I have it easy. My girls risk losing a bit of French while they鈥檙e stuck at home with two nonnative speakers, but I鈥檓 not worried about them falling behind in reading or math, as I would if they were older.
And even if entertaining two toddlers is truly energy-sucking and testing the little patience I possess, it doesn鈥檛 compare to the emotional challenges of parenting older children in lockdown. My girls simply think they鈥檙e on extended vacation and are thrilled they get to spend 24/7 with Mom and Dad.
And even though some of our best efforts 鈥� like removing the pacifier or getting my older daughter to fall asleep on her own 鈥� are likely to fall by the wayside as our notions of routine get scrambled, I know they鈥檒l be OK.
I don鈥檛 have to explain that a deadly virus is the reason they can鈥檛 see their grandparents or friends, or need to answer existential questions about the unfathomable state of the world. My daughter鈥檚 鈥淲hy鈥� game is even starting to seem pretty OK right about now 鈥� except when she asks why half the people in the street are wearing surgical masks.
If what has happened in Asia is any indication, we could be in this situation for a while. All I can do is have faith that one day things will return to normal. That my girls will be able to touch the doorknobs of our apartment complex, hug their friends with wild abandon, or even grab other kids鈥� toys in the neighborhood sandbox聽鈥� without me scrambling for the hand sanitizer.
I hope we鈥檒l all look back on this strange time in humanity鈥檚 history and realize it brought us closer 鈥� communities and families. I know I鈥檓 lucky that I actually like my family. Many kids in Europe鈥檚 lockdown will face abuse, hunger, or mental health issues. It鈥檚 a good reminder, during these tough weeks ahead, that we have to be kind to one another in order to survive.
In the meantime, though, thank goodness for Peppa Pig.
Editor鈥檚 note: As a public service,聽all our coronavirus coverage聽is free. No paywall.