How Ted Nugent might fend off the Secret Service
The Secret Service is set to interview the shocker rocker Thursday about his anti-Obama comments, and whether he meant to threaten the president's life. Let's imagine some points Ted Nugent might make during that session.
In this 2011 file photo, musician and gun rights activist Ted Nugent addresses a seminar at the National Rifle Association's convention in Pittsburgh.
Gene J. Puskar/AP/File
Shock rocker Ted Nugent says he is meeting with the Secret Service Thursday to discuss recent inflammatory political comments, such as his assertion over the weekend that if President Obama is reelected 鈥淚 will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.鈥�
The Secret Service will want to know what Mr. Nugent meant, as it is illegal to threaten the life of the president. Nugent says he is happy to talk with the feds, though he finds the whole thing silly.
鈥淭he conclusion will be obvious that I threatened no one,鈥� Nugent said Wednesday on Glenn Beck鈥檚 radio show.
What can the he say in his defense? Nugent's speech has been pretty harsh, after all. (In addition to the aforementioned verbal riff, in recent days he鈥檚 said the Obama administration is 鈥渧ile, evil, [and] America-hating.鈥� He has called House minority leader Nancy Pelosi a 鈥渧armint鈥� and a 鈥渟ub-human scoundrel.鈥� He has tried to rally GOP forces with "we are Braveheart, we need to ride onto that battlefield and chop their heads off in November!鈥�)
Well, we think we have a good idea as to how his talk with the Secret Service will go. Here are points Nugent and his heavy metal legal team are likely to make:
He don't speak good. Nugent鈥檚 words aren鈥檛 rhetoric, in the sense of being an attempt to convey coherent thought. It鈥檚 better to think of them as derogatory words strung together at random. Given that, where鈥檚 the threat?
After all, 鈥淚 will either be dead or in jail by this time next year鈥� could be seen as Nugent threatening himself, not the president. 鈥淰armint鈥�? To a hunter like Nugent, that鈥檚 a term of endearment. 鈥淐hop their heads off in November鈥�? Whose heads are we talking about? Maybe Nugent鈥檚 ranch has way too many ground hogs.
The Onion perhaps best summed up Nugent鈥檚 verbal approach to the world with its , 鈥淭ed Nugent Talks That Way Even When Buying Socks.鈥�
It's an act.聽Look, we鈥檙e not talking about Sen. Joe Lieberman here. Ted Nugent is the sort of person who鈥檚 been a guest star on "The Simpsons" 鈥� twice. Homer endorsed him for president, for goodness' sake. Nugent then promised to move the White House to Kalamazoo.
The point is that Nugent is a professional provocateur. As the Thursday, he hasn鈥檛 actually been a rock star for more than 30 years. He makes money as a hunting enthusiast/reality show host/autograph seller.
In this context, the recent dust-up over politics is the best thing to happen to him since he cut himself with a chain saw while filming 鈥淪urviving Nugent: the Ted Commandments.鈥�
How was Colombia?聽We know 鈥� you think Nugent won鈥檛 go that far. We say predicting how far Ted Nugent will go is a fool鈥檚 errand. The Secret Service has already ousted three agents in the expanding prostitution scandal linked to preparations for President Obama鈥檚 trip to Cartegena last 聽weekend for the Summit of the Americas. It is certainly possible Nugent will make some reference to this in his own defense.
Meanwhile, Democrats continue to call for presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney to condemn Ted Nugent by name, possibly while signing a petition to keep Nugent out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame forever. At this point we鈥檙e pretty sure that Mr. Romney wishes Ted Nugent had endorsed somebody else.
Newt Gingrich and Ted Nugent on stage together 鈥� there鈥檚 a moon colony gun fest we鈥檇 love to see.