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One school's anti-bullying idea: 'No Name Calling Day'

A Massachusetts elementary school lobbied successfully to get 'No Name Calling Day' written into state anti-bullying law.

Name-calling may not cause the same kind of hurt as sticks and stones 鈥� but the common taunts of 鈥渇reak,鈥� 鈥渞etard,鈥� or 鈥渟issy鈥� can cut deep. Even before bullying hit the headlines because of student suicides in Massachusetts, elementary-school children here in quaint Cape Cod had taken their stand against teasing all the way to the state capitol.

鈥淣o Name Calling Day鈥� 鈥� a time for activities to help replace verbal bullying with respect 鈥� has been so successful at the Quashnet School in Mashpee that student organizers asked legislators to recognize the day statewide. It鈥檚 now part of the antibullying law that is soon expected to be finalized.
鈥淵ou only want to be called one name: your name,鈥� says sixth-grader Rachel Bridges.

Over the course of not just a day but a whole week this January, she and others in the Kiwanis-sponsored K-Kids club promoted anticyberbullying lessons; wrote and performed a play about being teased on the kickball field; and held a mix-it-up lunch, where kids sat with random peers and high school student discussion leaders.

Since then, they鈥檝e seen a big difference in the way classmates treat one another. Reputed bullies 鈥渞eally came along, because they鈥檙e now noticing what they鈥檙e saying, and then saying, 鈥極h my gosh, I鈥檓 so sorry,鈥� 鈥� Rachel says.
Fourth-grader Grace Shinn, whose pink T-shirt bears a giant peace symbol, adds that 鈥減eople really thought, 鈥業s that really what I want to do 鈥� make people鈥檚 feelings hurt?鈥� 鈥�

Some children don鈥檛 realize just how much damage words can do until it鈥檚 too late. Judy Freedman, a veteran school social worker in Illinois, will never forget how, in the wake of a bullied student鈥檚 suicide, some classmates wrote on his coffin, 鈥淚鈥檓 so sorry, I didn鈥檛 mean to hurt your feelings.鈥�

Some teasing is innocent and meant to be fun 鈥� laughing with someone instead of at them. But when it鈥檚 cruel 鈥� whether intentionally or not 鈥� children need strategies to respond, and adults need to send clear signals, says Ms. Freedman, the Chicago-based author of 鈥淓asing the Teasing: Helping Your Child Cope with Name-Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying.鈥�

Society sends mixed messages. 鈥�American Idol鈥� judges banter disrespectfully. The mother of one of the teens accused of bullying Phoebe Prince, a South Hadley, Mass., sophomore who later committed suicide, said in a local news report that her daughter didn鈥檛 physically assault Phoebe, but that the two had exchanged words. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e teenagers. They call names,鈥� she said.

鈥淪o many people say ... 鈥榢ids will be kids,鈥�... but we have to take a strong stand that teasing is wrong.... Teasing can escalate into bullying,鈥� Freedman says.
When students learn to defuse teasing, they鈥檙e less likely to become victims of bullies, who often shop around for the biggest emotional reaction, Freedman explains.

For instance, instead of feeling bad about themselves if they鈥檙e teased for being short, she helps children learn that there鈥檚 nothing wrong with being shorter than others, and that they can embrace their appearance.

鈥淪ometimes by just acknowledging it, it defuses the tease,鈥� she says.

And they can speak up when they witness hurtful comments. In one school where Freedman worked, some fifth-grade girls told her a new boy was being teased by a group of popular boys. She had lunch with more than 20 concerned bystanders and helped them pluck up the courage to step in and tell the boys to stop when they witnessed the verbal bullying. She also talked with the boys and their parents. The situation improved dramatically.

The Quashnet club timed its activities in January to correspond with national No Name-Calling Week, promoted since 2004 by a range of educational groups and inspired by the novel 鈥淭he Misfits,鈥� by James Howe. Educators report that 鈥渘ame-calling and bullying do decrease once this conversation is started,鈥� says Daryl Presgraves, spokesman for the No Name-Calling Week Coalition and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), in New York.
Reminders still line the halls at the Quashnet School: Colorful student drawings declare 鈥淣o place for hate鈥� or 鈥淒on鈥檛 diss 鈥� it鈥檚 mean.鈥�

The focus is on positive language, not simply what students shouldn鈥檛 say, notes K-Kids adviser Jane Emery. In the gym, a giant banner bears the motto the club came up with to encourage people to think before they speak: 鈥淚s it kind? Is it true? Is it helpful?鈥�

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