海角大神

Pink princess debate: Marketers, not moms, are the problem

Two recent editorials in New York magazine and Slate push back against parents dissing princess culture trends for little girls. But the problem isn't parents saying 'OK' to princesses, the problem is marketers giving them no other choice.

Last week,听New York聽magazine and聽Slate聽published pieces asking why so many moms have a problem with pink and with princesses.

鈥淲hat鈥檚 the problem with pink, anyway?鈥� gripes聽Yael Kohen in聽. Then, building upon Ms. Kohen鈥檚聽piece,听聽senior editor Allison Benedikt demands:聽鈥漌hat is it with you moms of girls?聽I have never met a single one of you who isn鈥檛 tortured about pink and princesses.鈥� Her聽annoyance is palpable.

Both writers聽proceed to defend all things pink and princess.聽鈥漌e treat pink 鈥� and the girls who like it 鈥� with...condescension,鈥� Kohen states, while Ms. Benedikt adds,听鈥滿oms of daughters need to chill out.鈥�

Let鈥檚 take a step back, please. I am the author of a forthcoming book called ","听and聽Kohen and Benedikt鈥檚 arguments聽are wrong on several levels. By pontificating on the subject without actually talking to聽the聽moms they鈥檙e criticizing,听they鈥檝e missed the point.

Having聽interviewed more than 50聽parents about princess culture, and dozens of experts as well,听I鈥檇 like to state聽this categorically:聽No one is blaming girls.聽To suggest otherwise is to make a straw man argument that distracts from the real issues at hand.

Furthermore:聽No one thinks that pink is inherently a problem.聽Pink is not the 鈥渃olor of oppression,鈥� as Benedick聽charges聽sarcastically.

No, no 鈥斅爐he problem is not with the girls or the color pink. It鈥檚 with the聽尘补谤办别迟颈苍驳,听because that marketing聽is reducing girls鈥� choices.

As the mother of a young boy, Benedikt can鈥檛 understand why the mom of a little girl she knows spent her own daughter鈥檚 princess-themed birthday party apologizing for all the pink聽and saying things like, 鈥淭he pink thing, I know 鈥� it鈥檚 crazy!鈥�

Since Benedikt is a journalist, she would have been smart to ask the mom what, exactly, was 鈥渃razy鈥� about 鈥渢he pink thing.鈥� But instead, Benedikt appears to have arrived at her own conclusion: The mom is聽the crazy one, because, as Benedikt notes incredulously, she was criticizing the very extravaganza that she herself had organized!

Now, if either writer聽had bothered to talk with moms of girls, like I did for my book 鈥� or, for that matter, to connect with the authors and activists who鈥檝e been critiquing pink girly-girl culture for several years, like me,听,听,听, or the team behind聽聽鈥撀爐hey would have learned something important. In the marketplace, products that are pink and princessy now dominate the girls鈥� sections. The marketing is so insidious that the moms I interviewed complained that it is virtually聽inescapable 鈥� and to very young children, it implies that pink and princesses are the ONLY good choices for girls.

In other words, it wasn鈥檛 that they didn鈥檛 want their daughters to like pink or princesses. Far from it. It was just that they didn鈥檛 want their daughters to聽only聽like pink or princesses.

That, I鈥檇 wager, is what the mom who threw the princess-themed birthday party was fretting about. You know how the subtitle of my book includes the phrase 鈥減rincess-obsessed years鈥�? I鈥檓 not exaggerating when I say that there are many little girls out there who only want pink, only want princesses, and that the obsessiveness spills over into every aspect of their families鈥� lives.

In Kohen鈥檚 piece, she defends pink princess products and marketing because, she says, 鈥減lenty of girls seem to love it.鈥� This is true 鈥� plenty of girls聽do聽love it. I would never tell a girl that she鈥檚 wrong to enjoy what she enjoys. Princess culture is full of pleasures for our little ones. It鈥檚 fun and sparkly and such a source of delight!

Kohen is missing a critical piece of the puzzle, however. Pink princess聽marketing is so forceful, backed by so many billions of dollars, that it鈥檚 not really a聽choice聽anymore. It鈥檚 proscriptive and it鈥檚 coercive.

According to a published by a research team from California State University and New York University, approximately two-thirds of preschool girls go through a phase in which they believe that their sex (the fact that they are girls)聽fully depends聽on external factors, like how they dress, because they don鈥檛 understand that sex is determined biologically. Fearful of losing their gender identities, and declaring their joy in being girls, they latch onto the most obvious stereotypical markers of their gender.

The same study asserts that developmental phase used to manifest in girls as a聽refusal to wear anything but dresses. (In contrast, in boys, it manifests as an avoidance of all things girlish.) Now, it manifests in girls as a refusal to associate with anything but pink and princess 鈥� a full-blown obsession.

Perhaps that聽casts a more sympathetic light on the mom Benedikt slammed for planning a pink princess party despite feeling聽conflicted about it. The mom probably thought the 鈥減ink thing鈥� was 鈥渃razy鈥� because of its intensity, its apparent聽grip on her daughter, and its inescapability in the marketplace. And for a mom who wants her daughter to have a delightful birthday experience, but is worried about the consequences of all this pink princess stuff overrunning her daughter鈥檚 life, it鈥檚聽a no-win situation.

Think about it.聽That聽is聽crazy.

Also a problem:聽The minority of girls who actively reject things that are聽stereotypically girly because they are gender-nonconforming聽(approximately 1 in 10 children, according to a recent聽聽study) are left out, treated by peers and even adults as somehow defective. The Harvard study suggests that such children leave childhood with post traumatic stress disorder.

Meanwhile, parents whose daughters are inextricably caught up in pink princess culture have concerns about聽its effects. For one thing, princess culture focuses so strongly on physical appearance that it teaches聽girls that how they look is incredibly important. It teaches little girls to seek praise for their appearance 鈥� which is why so many little girls insist on wearing their princess play-clothes out of the house. People gush over them. This upsets parents who聽know that it鈥檚 what鈥檚 inside that counts, and who want their daughters鈥� sense of self-worth to come from within.

Also, as far as story lines go, the princess script is limiting. Parents I interviewed told me stories about their daughters lying around helplessly waiting for their princes to come rescue them 鈥� marking dramatic changes in their previously active and energetic play patterns.

Furthermore, even though Kohen notes that princess products "reflect subtle, but profound changes in the way our society views its girls and their girlyness,鈥� with princesses who are 鈥渕ore dynamic,鈥� she鈥檚 missing something: girls may adore聽their "Brave"聽and "Frozen"聽DVDs, but in many homes 鈥� indeed, across the Disney Princess franchise 鈥� "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty" still reign supreme.

And although princesses on screen have indeed become more dynamic in our post-girl-power world, many of the toys 鈥� especially the dolls that preschool girls cherish 鈥� all seem to regress to the mean. Strong princess characters such as Merida from "Brave"聽get reduced down to sparkly fashion objects in ways that completely undercut the empowering messages from their films.

Here鈥檚 what鈥檚 happening:聽In the marketplace, products that are pink and purple are 鈥渇or girls,鈥� while聽everything else聽is 鈥渇or boys.鈥� As a mom, I see this playing out time and again. Anything with a hint of pink on it, my 5-year-old son rejects. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 too聽girly,鈥� he鈥檒l argue, even if there鈥檚 only the tiniest hint of pink on a聽product.聽Where did he pick up on this? Not from me! He鈥檚 absorbed this lesson from the culture we鈥檙e immersed in 鈥� from the marketing that relies on stereotypes to segregate our children, maximizing profits at the expense of children鈥檚 healthy gender identity development and well-being.

The moms of girls who are fretting about pink princess culture don鈥檛 need to be slammed by Benedikt, Kohen, and others.聽Jumping to conclusions doesn鈥檛 help anybody, and "pink and princess"聽really聽doesn鈥檛 need to be the latest installment聽of the Mommy Wars. If we can understand and address the root of the problem together, we can foster a healthier world for聽all聽of our children 鈥� boys and girls alike.

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