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Holiday tipping: Don鈥檛 forget those who help your family function

Holiday tipping tips: A tchotchke made by your kids is not a tip. Cold cash, in a nice warm note, is something many in the service industry depend on 鈥� from your day care worker to your dog groomer.

We know you made out your holiday shopping list in October, including everyone from your sister-in-law to the Secret Santa gift for work.

But we鈥檙e pretty sure you鈥檙e forgetting someone. Remember the newspaper delivery person? And your child鈥檚 day care teacher? And your dog groomer? You didn鈥檛 grab a sweater for them at Target, did you?

Holiday tipping season is upon us, a potentially complicated social negotiation that can take the cheer right out of the season. It鈥檚 usually a time to show appreciation for people who give you services all year long 鈥� but exactly whom to give to and how much to give can add extra weight to the simple idea of being thoughful. How little can you give without offending? How much to can you give seeming overly generous? Who is it imperative to remember? And if your holiday resources are shrinking, who can you 鈥� gulp 鈥� take off the tipping list?

Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of etiquetteexpert.com and author of "Poised for Success," says to focus on those who make your life run more smoothly from day to day such as day care instructors, hair stylists, those who work to take care of your pet and exercise class teachers.

鈥淭hese are the people that make your life easier,鈥� Ms. Whitmore says.

She says to plan ahead of time to make sure you鈥檙e not forgetting anyone who you want to make sure to thank. Doing so can also help you ensure you鈥檙e not going beyond your budget.

鈥淵ou have to pick,鈥� Whitmore sAYS. 鈥淚 make a priority list ahead of time.鈥�

For the teachers who watch over your little ones while you鈥檙e at work, Whitmore saYS some parents may be inclined to have children make something or pick out a gift at the mall, but this may come with pitfalls. She said she wrote an article once in which she instructed parents to have kids create the gifts and got less-than-happy responses.

鈥淭wo teachers wrote me back, very upset, saying 'We have too many tchotchkes, we'd rather have cash,鈥欌�� Whitmore remembered.

You can always work with the other parents in the group to write out a card and pool funds for a gift 鈥� Whitmore recommends between $50 and $75 altogether. If it鈥檚 just you doing the giving and you feel uncomfortable about handing over a wad of cash, try a gift card to a local restaurant or spa.

And if you鈥檙e going to the hairstylist on the corner to get the kids looking groomed for Christmas dinner, add a little extra to that tip, especially if you鈥檙e a regular customer there. Whitmore, the daughter of a hairdresser, says tipping 20 percent is always essential, but more is best during the holiday season.聽

鈥淭hese people also appreciate cash,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hey rely on their tips to pay their bills.鈥澛�

For a pet groomer or dog walker, it鈥檚 also good to thank them for looking after your furry friend with such care. The suggests the price of a session as a tip for groomers, or a present, and the price of one week鈥檚 work, or a gift, for walkers.

For money-strapped parents, Whitmore says these are the priority people to focus on. But if you鈥檙e able, workers in your life such as the newspaper delivery person or the mail person also appreciate little extras. But be careful with postal workers: per US Postal Service rules, you can鈥檛 give workers money, and gifts have to be worth $20 or less. Something small, like cookies, is always appreciated, says Whitmore.

鈥淚 usually greet them or leave the gift in the mailbox,鈥� she says of delivering items.

Looking to thank others in your life? If a nurse or health care professional often visits your elderly parent and you鈥檝e formed a relationship with them, a gift is certainly a nice idea 鈥� just check with their company to make sure it鈥檚 allowed. The Emily Post Institute recommends a present from you, not cash, if it is. A small gift or cash, between $10 and $30, is good for the person who delivers your newspaper every day, says the Institute.

And if you鈥檙e a city dweller and want to thank those who handle emergencies and keep you safe in your apartment, try cash or a gift for your superintendent (the Emily Post Institute recommends between $20 and $80) and your doorman (between $15 and $80).

Overall, it鈥檚 about not going beyond your budget and honoring those who help you all year long, says Whitmore.

鈥淭he people who take care of you and your family should be at the top of your list,鈥� she says.