海角大神

Mother's Day: What happens when mom misses it? Guilt or growth?

Mother's Day: A working mom will be on a jet to West Africa, missing the day with her daughters. But, her absence 鈥� part of her job as a journalist 鈥� can be seen as a gift to them.

Growing up, we always celebrated Mother鈥檚 Day with breakfast in bed. Dressed in our pajamas, my sisters and I would burst into our parent鈥檚 room and proudly shower our Mom with brightly-colored cards and a tray of toast, coffee, and fresh flowers.

It鈥檚 a familiar tradition across the country, and now it鈥檚 one in my own house. As the mother of two little girls, I am the one being showered on Mother鈥檚 Day. This year, however, there won鈥檛 be much time for me, or my kids, to enjoy it.

Shortly after breakfast I鈥檒l finish packing, head for the airport and board a plane to Africa.

The trip marks my second to听尝颈产别谤颈补 for a documentary I鈥檓 producing on a ground-breaking mental health program there. When I first booked my flight I entered every combination of dates in an effort to avoid leaving on Mother鈥檚 Day. No matter which search engine I chose, the results were the same. Unless I added 24 more hours to my travel time, I had to fly on May 12.

The more I searched, the more frantic I became. Leaving two little kids for a far-flung corner of the world is hard enough, but on Mother鈥檚 Day? Suddenly, the specter of Mom guilt had me in its clutches. What message will this send to my girls? Will they feel neglected? Will they one day sit across from a therapist and cry about the time I left them on Mother鈥檚 Day? What kind of Mother am I?

That same day, I called on a friend for support. 鈥淵ou are not neglecting your kids,鈥� she said. 鈥淵ou are giving them an invaluable gift.鈥�

When reason prevails, I understand this. In my career as a journalist I鈥檝e often traveled far in the name of an important story. And as my older daughter grows up, she is beginning to understand. She tells her friends I am going to Africa, and shares her knowledge of what it鈥檚 like to be a child there. When she talks about my work, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride.

Then, in what feels like an instant, the parenting guilt kicks in and defeats it. The questions about what might happen in my absence nag at me, and with a Mother鈥檚 Day departure they loom larger. Oftentimes they are trivial: What if they forget to bring show-n-tell? Will the babysitter remember to put the little one to bed with two books (no stuffed animals)?

As parents we鈥檙e so often guided by the idea that proximity to our children equals protection. The less we leave them, the better off they are. To a certain degree, of course, this is true. But it鈥檚 also true that to build their independence and confidence, we simply have to let go.

So this Mother鈥檚 Day, I am letting go. Yes, I am leaving my children on the very day most of my friends and family will be celebrating with their kids in the comfort of home.

But if by definition Mother鈥檚 Day is about honoring not only our role as parents but also our role in society, then I believe I am giving my girls a gift. It鈥檚 the message that they, too, can travel far and wide, pursue their work with passion and confidently step out of their comfort zone for causes they believe in. And if they do forget their show-n-tell in my absence, life will go on.

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