Fake it 'til you make it? Nah. Focus on 'internal' success.
A shiny new car, fancy clothes, and a big house might indicate success to the outside world. But 'internal' financial success 鈥� being debt free with a rewarding job, for instance 鈥� will lead to greater security and happiness in the long run.
The Mercedes SLS AMG Electric Sports Car on display during the press day at the Paris Auto Show, France, Sept. 27, 2012. A fancy new car might indicate success to the outside world, Hamm argues, but that outer success is precarious without the less visible financial stability to back it up.
Christopher Ena/AP
One of my closest friends is in his early thirties. He lives in an old fixer-upper. He drives an old car and he dresses extremely modestly most of the time. He鈥檚 quiet and reserved.
If you saw him at the grocery store, you wouldn鈥檛 give him a second thought. Yet he鈥檚 got six going on seven figures in the bank, has no debt, and has a high-paying and technically-demanding job that he absolutely loves.
He鈥檚 what I like to call聽鈥渋nternally successful.鈥�聽He鈥檚 successful at the things that are largely internal to him and he鈥檚 happy with that.
On the other hand, another person I know constantly has a shiny new vehicle on a lease, has just about every recreational toy I can imagine, and dresses his children to the nines. At the same time, this person in so much debt that even a small reduction in income would result in debt payments missed within a few weeks.
This person might be externally successful, albeit a flavor that鈥檚 not paired with internal success.
People often want to聽appear聽successful. The idea of 鈥渇ake it until you make it鈥� is very prevalent, and people often feel that they 鈥渄eserve鈥� things.
The problem is that聽external success is extremely fragile if you don鈥檛 have internal success backing it up.External success without internal success means that if even the smallest unexpected life event occurs, the facade collapses and you鈥檙e left with nothing.
If you want to be successful, build your internal success first.
Focus on debt freedom. Focus on building the career that you want. Focus on building lots of real relationships in your communities.
Don鈥檛 focus on the flashy house or the flashy car or the pile of toys.聽Those things just delay internal success.
What are the rewards for internal success, though? Less stress. Fewer monthly bills. A lack of worry about keeping up appearances. A career that you have much more control over. A sense of pleasure from doing what you want to be doing.
Once you have internal success locked down, you can choose your flavors of external success.
What I鈥檝e found, though, is that聽external success has a lot less appeal once you鈥檝e found internal success.You have the relationships you care about. You have the career that you want. You don鈥檛 have bills breathing down your neck.
Internal success brings internal peace, and that cuts the legs off of a desire for lots of external success.