海角大神

Jealous? Look closer.

It's easy to feel jealous of people who 'have it all.' But odds are, they either can't afford their lifestyle or they worked really hard to earn it now.

One of the nicest houses in our town recently went into foreclosure. The family that lived there seemed to have 鈥渆verything鈥� on the surface 鈥� a gorgeous house, nice cars, nice clothing, expensive cell phones, and so on.

In truth, though, they were in debt up to their eyeballs. Now that house that they had sunk so much money into is gone, as is the family. They鈥檙e living in an apartment, one of the two parents is jobless, and they鈥檙e likely facing bankruptcy.

There was a time in my life where I felt really jealous of people who had some of the things that I wanted in life. As time has gone on, I鈥檝e found that all of these people really do fall into one of two categories.

1. They can鈥檛 really afford it. They鈥檙e piling up debt accumulating things and doing things that are simply beyond their means. Yes, sometimes people get into this situation unknowingly (like people who were scammed into bad mortgages), but most people often start down this path with some student loans partnered with a bit of credit card debt. Then they 鈥渂uy鈥� a house with a mortgage, toss on some more credit card debt, have a car loan or two, and find themselves really struggling.

They appear to have everything, but the financial and personal stress that you don鈥檛 see can be very, very intense.

The 鈥渃an鈥檛 really afford it鈥� group includes those who are living on the money of others. Why? When the money of others runs out, those people are quickly going to be fully in the 鈥渃an鈥檛 really afford it鈥� situation.

2. They can really afford it 鈥� and usually deserve it. This includes the people who have worked very, very hard to get what they have. Entrepreneurs who have worked countless hours to build a business. Very bright people who have capitalized on a great idea. People who spent most of their twenties going to school to earn a doctorate in a lucrative field. People who have lived very lean for a while in order to build up a bankroll for themselves.

To get to this point, you either had to make some tremendous sacrifices along the way 鈥� often damaging relationships and missing out on life-affirming experiences and going through painful 鈥渟alad years鈥� without much at all 鈥� or simply have had the ability and opportunity to be in the right place at the right time to take advantage of it 鈥� to which I say 鈥済ood for them鈥� instead of really being jealous of them.

When I look at people who have the things that I want, I recognize that they鈥檙e in one of those groups. Either they鈥檙e struggling deeply to handle what they have (which is making other aspects of their lives miserable) or they鈥檝e worked very hard to get what they鈥檝e got (which means they had challenging experiences in the past and often sacrificed a lot to get where they are).

If I鈥檓 dissatisfied, the dissatisfaction is really with my own life. Usually, it means I鈥檓 unhappy with some aspect of the choices I鈥檝e made in my life and it鈥檚 a sign that I need to sit down and take a look at where I鈥檓 at. Should I be doing something different?

I don鈥檛 ever want to be the person who can鈥檛 really afford it. I鈥檝e been there; it鈥檚 scary. Do I want to be the person who can afford it? Sure, but when I step back and look at my life, I recognize that it鈥檚 not really the priority.

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