海角大神

'Not the Girls You're Looking For' follows a rudderless Iraqi American

This dark but clever YA novel confronts topics that are not tidy 鈥� because, as Safi reminds us, these are not tidy times.

In Aminah Mae Safi鈥檚 Not the Girls You鈥檙e Looking For, protagonist Lulu Saad makes a ferocious entrance, a calamitous mess, and a thought-provoking exit. She鈥檚 a handful, but that鈥檚 why we love her.

Lulu approaches life and relationships like a high-functioning weed whacker: It鈥檚 going to be loud and messy, but odds are good it鈥檒l turn out fine in the end. Needless to say, 鈥淣ot the Girls You鈥檙e Looking For鈥� is quite a ride.

When we tune in, Lulu is galloping through junior year at a fancy Houston private school. She and her best friends, Audrey, Lo, and Emma, are competitive, defensive, independent, and brash. Lo and Lulu in particular feel no hesitation in calling people out or unleashing blistering feminist critiques in real time; there鈥檚 no esprit d鈥檈scalier here.

And yet, for all her bristles, Lulu鈥檚 public bluster belies a private struggle. As a child of an American mother and an Iraqi father, she feels like she鈥檚 a resident of both cultures, but not a full member (rather like Maya Aziz from Love, Hate, and Other Filters). She鈥檚 not Arab enough for her Arab side, but she is never considered fully American鈥攕he鈥檚 constantly code-switching.

When paramour James expresses surprise that she celebrates Christmas, Lulu responds with irritation, 鈥淥f course I celebrate Christmas; what kind of American kid doesn鈥檛 celebrate Christmas?鈥�

When her father reminds her that he deliberately chose to raise his family as Americans, she complains, 鈥淭his world may never let me forget I am Arab, but it will also keep me from belonging as one of them.鈥�

The frustration revolves around Lulu wishing she had some kind of language for how to be a hyphenate, an in-between. She鈥檚 tired of people constantly asking her what she is, 鈥渓ike a piece of flora or fauna ... missing her proper taxonomy.鈥�

Lulu says she survives via a cultivated ability to blend in with any crowd 鈥� but this is a girl who makes out with any boy she feels like, who causes a minor scandal at Ramadan, who has a capital-R Reputation. Disappearing into the wallpaper does not come naturally to Lulu Saad. When she turns her full focus on people, they feel like rabbits before a coyote.

James has a knack for appearing just when Lulu鈥檚 at her lowest, angriest, or most vulnerable, and even in those moments, the thunderstruck boy calls her 鈥渢errifying.鈥� This is not news to Lulu.

鈥淪he had command in her eyes,鈥� Safi writes. 鈥淏ut she wasn鈥檛 idly grasping for power that wasn鈥檛 hers. She had simply been born in charge. She鈥檇 known it for ages. It was only when people wouldn鈥檛 stop describing their amazement at her potency that she realized there was anything strange about it. She鈥檇 simply always felt like herself, not like some rare exception. And that, she found, scared people most of all.鈥�

Meanwhile, Lulu fights an attraction to Dane, a cocky good ol鈥� boy who says things like, 鈥淵ou know you want it.鈥� Dane is also the jerk whose group targeted Lulu in a yearlong anti-Muslim harassment campaign after the Paris attacks. Their complicated, pseudo-Faustian chemistry takes a darker turn when Dane goes too far at a dance.

If this feels like a jumble of relationships with unlikeable characters but lots of potential, that鈥檚 because it is. The first half of 鈥淣ot the Girls You鈥檙e Looking For鈥� struck me as rudderless, and Safi鈥檚 staccato narrative and film noir asides clashed with the lighter subject matter (鈥淟o was drawn to the darkness like a bad after-school special鈥�).

Mercifully, midway through the book, I felt Safi hit her second wind when a proper plot direction took shape. Everyone鈥檚 apparent angst sharpened so I could see the real darkness behind those spiky exteriors. Safi鈥檚 narrative stride lengthened, and her pace felt newly rhythmic and natural.

It takes the full 330+ pages to see the beauty in the mess. The issues in 鈥淣ot the Girls You鈥檙e Looking For鈥� are not tidy topics, and Safi reminds us that these are not tidy times. For all the pop culture references and snide commentary on wealthy neighborhoods, Safi鈥檚 mayhem has real roots.

鈥淣ot the Girls You鈥檙e Looking For鈥� throws both arms open to embrace the chaos. There鈥檚 anger, shame, spite, guts, weakness, and redemption. Misunderstandings, social blow-ups, substance abuse, and guys who choose not to hear 鈥渘o.鈥�

As Lulu comes into focus for the reader, so does the character for herself. After a series of major conflicts are resolved, Lulu realizes that, as an in-betweener, her defining characteristic is fluency 鈥� 鈥渢he gift and the curse to move between people, languages, and cultures. Not to blend so much as to be able to communicate clearly across invisible borders.鈥�

Have patience, both with Lulu Saad and her story as a whole. Whether or not these are the girls you鈥檙e looking for, this is a story you may come to appreciate.

Content warning: This story includes strong language, drug use, substance abuse, and sexual themes.