Why you don't ask about another man's fianc茅e in Afghanistan
| Kabul, Afghanistan
鈥� A local, slice-of-life story from a Monitor correspondent.
On a trip back to Afghanistan, I caught up with an Afghan friend and former driver of mine over the phone. He told me the happy news that he was engaged. 鈥淲hat鈥檚 her name?鈥� I asked. He paused and mumbled a bit. Afterward, I asked another Afghan friend why the conversation had become awkward. You don鈥檛 ask details about a man鈥檚 wife or fianc茅e, he explained. It suggests you might be interested in her. He said a more appropriate question would be: 鈥淎re you marrying your cousin?鈥�
I learned recently that this other friend was now engaged as well and had shared a popular parable online: A guy asks a Muslim, 鈥淲hy do your girls cover up their bodies and hair?鈥� The Muslim smiles and gets two candies. He unwraps one and throws them both on the dusty floor and says, 鈥淚f I ask you to take one of the candies, which will you choose?鈥� The guy replies: 鈥淭he covered one.鈥� Then the Muslim says, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 how we treat and see our women.鈥�
I couldn鈥檛 help but respond with a similar parable to illustrate the American perspective: A guy asks an American, 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 your women cover their faces?鈥� The American smiles, gets two lanterns. He lights both, then covers one with a heavy cloth, saying: 鈥淚f I ask you to choose one of the lanterns, which will you pick?鈥� The guy replies, 鈥淭he bright and free one.鈥�
