鈥榊ou get to be the hero.鈥� Meet the on-call workers who save Thanksgiving.
| Boston
Like you and me 鈥� not to mention countless restaurant managers, airport logistics personnel, and the Dallas Cowboys 鈥� Ken Reef doesn鈥檛 just show up cold for Thanksgiving Day. He plans for it. He prepares. He pregames.
Unlike you and me, however, Mr. Reef鈥檚 preparations don鈥檛 involve boning up on recipes or vacuuming the guest bedroom. What Mr. Reef is doing in advance of Thanksgiving is buying water heaters. Lots of them. He knows he鈥檒l need them because he knows we鈥檒l need them 鈥� more of us than would like. And Mr. Reef鈥檚 job will be to get them into emergency service before our visiting in-laws step into cold showers. Of course, those appliances will be the least of Mr. Reef鈥檚 Thanksgiving workload, because Mr. Reef is a plumber. And for plumbers, Thanksgiving is Armageddon.聽
鈥淎ctually, Thanksgiving Day itself starts a little slow,鈥� says Mr. Reef, a 20-year drain-service veteran in Colorado Springs, Colorado, 鈥渂ut by noon things really start kicking off. And the afternoon and evening can be crazy. And then there鈥檚 Friday, our busiest day all year. It鈥檚 Black Friday to you. To us? Make that 鈥楤rown Friday.鈥� Sorry. But there are disasters.鈥�
Why We Wrote This
Thanksgiving gathers us in gratitude. But what about the holiday鈥檚 on-call workers? With patience and skill, they sacrifice their holidays to rescue ours.
Such as?聽
鈥淲ell, you know the famous one about the turkey in the trap?鈥�
Not that kind of trap. Turns out he鈥檚 referring to 鈥渁 case out of Kansas City,鈥� which has become lore in the plumbing trade. Evidently a local firm was called to the home of an older woman because her toilet had jammed, and now there was the worst kind of flood. Not a problem, said the plumber in question, nothing we can鈥檛 handle.
But the typical handling didn鈥檛 work. The plungers, the mechanical snakes. The plumber deduced that something was stuck in the toilet鈥檚 trap 鈥� something big. So he removed the stool to access the trap ... and found an entire turkey carcass inside. (鈥淗ard to do,鈥� noted Mr. Reef.) The client had tried to flush her Thanksgiving remains down the toilet. 鈥淲hy did you do that?鈥� asked the plumber when the excavation was done.
鈥淲ell,鈥� she said, 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have a garbage disposal.鈥�
Naturally.
Mr. Reef hastens to point out that most of his challenges are more prosaic than that 鈥� your usual backups in sinks, sewer lines, and dishwashers. Plus those water heater breakdowns for which he stocks up. All of it the 鈥渓ogical result鈥� of a holiday that鈥檚 like any other day, he says, only more so. More people, more food, more overload, more waste, more mistakes. (We鈥檒l come back to those mistakes.) 鈥淭hanksgiving is long, but that鈥檚 what we鈥檙e here for, all hands on deck,鈥� he says, in an almost relishing tone.
鈥淚t鈥檚 nothing we can鈥檛 handle.鈥�
On call
Easy for Mr. Reef to say.
But let鈥檚 pause a moment to pay tribute to 鈥� nay, to give thanks for 鈥� the fact that he says it. Along with the fact that a lot of other people say it, too, while they spend Thanksgiving not at home but on the job. 鈥淣othing we can鈥檛 handle.鈥� Because without them, the Thanksgivings most of us enjoy might not quite be possible.聽
Overstatement? Surveys have shown that as many as 40% of businesses require at least some employees to work on Thanksgiving. And though there are no good data for the exact number of people who clock in on that day, an Allstate/National Journal survey from 2014 revealed that fully 25% of American workers are required to work on either Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, or New Year鈥檚 Day.聽
When you stop to look around, it鈥檚 not hard to see the massive shadow workforce undergirding our Thanksgiving rituals of visiting and hosting and eating and celebrating. Much of the public sector stays lit 鈥� law enforcement, firefighters, utility departments, emergency crews. And so do airlines, bus services, freight shippers, railroads, and more and more retailers that open their stores not only on Black Friday but on Thanksgiving Day, as well.
Also doing business as usual or better: gas stations, gyms, convenience stores, media outlets (somebody鈥檚 gotta comment on all that football), and restaurants. At the national restaurant chain Cracker Barrel, Thanksgiving Day is the busiest day of the year. Many Starbucks are open, of course. And so is Disney World.
And then there is the entire health care industry, which hums steadily through every holiday but which registers a Thanksgiving-specific spike. Hospital emergency room visits on Thanksgiving have been reported to exceed the norm by 10% in Lubbock, Texas; by 12% in New York; and by 15% in Kansas City. Causes? People eat wrong, drink too much, sleep too little, and play far too much touch football while in something less than game shape. Lubbock ER doctor James Williams even attributed some of the patient uptick to the kickoff of Christmas-decorating season 鈥� the hanging of the lights, as he told an interviewer 鈥� a source of mishaps that the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission confirms. The lesson, as always: We are not as good on ladders as we think.
Every one of those people 鈥� from the baggage handlers to the baristas to the busboys 鈥� help make our Thanksgivings possible. So here鈥檚 to them all. Maybe a little extra in the tip jar wouldn鈥檛 hurt.
But there鈥檚 making Thanksgiving possible, and there鈥檚 flat-out saving Thanksgiving 鈥� which means saving us from the two kinds of potential disasters that are dreaded above the rest, the kinds of disasters that threaten family comity, personal reputation, and emotional survival (as well as one鈥檚 Instagram feed). They are when the drain won鈥檛 flow, and when the bird won鈥檛 cook.
For 15 years, the Roto-Rooter Services Co. 鈥� a national drain-cleaning chain headquartered in Cincinnati 鈥� has tracked customer demand. 鈥淎nd on the Friday after Thanksgiving, business jumps 50%, year after year without fail,鈥� says company spokesman Paul Abrams. 鈥淭hanksgiving Day is busy, too, but people assume they鈥檙e going to pay through the nose on Thanksgiving 鈥� they鈥檙e wrong by the way, rates are the same 鈥� so they tough it out until the day after.鈥� Unless they have guests, in which case the cavalry can never come soon enough.
鈥淏ut we鈥檙e just the back end of the process,鈥� says Mr. Reef. The front end 鈥� the very front end 鈥� is the food. 鈥淎nd even us plumbers know,鈥� says Mr. Reef, 鈥渢hat as bad as our disasters are, blowing the meal is worse.鈥澛�
Thankfully 鈥� are you noting a theme here? 鈥� there are people who can save us from that particular disaster, too.
Holiday hotline
In a quiet corner of Naperville, Illinois, is a large, unremarkable office floor, 鈥渁bout the size of a basketball court,鈥� that on Thanksgiving Day is the opposite of quiet. It is the home of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line (that鈥檚 1-800-BUTTERBALL, to you), which for its 39th year will again come to our collective, last-second, meal-making rescue.
There are other cooking hotlines 鈥� from those by other turkey brands such as Jennie-O and Honeysuckle White, to ones addressing other menu niches (the Crisco Pie & Baking Hotline, the Sara Lee Desserts Pie Hot颅line, the Ocean Spray Holiday Helpline). There鈥檚 a U.S. Department of Agriculture meat and poultry hotline putting our tax dollars to work. And there鈥檚 even an excellent quick-response Q&A forum on Food52, the website launched by former New York Times Magazine food editor Amanda Hesser. 鈥淭his is our Super Bowl!鈥� says Food52 executive Suzanne D鈥橝mato about the hot颅line on Thanksgiving Day.
But Butterball is the grande dame. On Thanksgiving Day, 50 cooking advisers will work the phone lines (and text screens and social media platforms), most of them talking at once. They鈥檒l field more than 10,000 queries. Which surprises hotline director Nicole Johnson, since these days there鈥檚 no question the internet can鈥檛 answer.
What doesn鈥檛 surprise any of the Butterball veterans are the problems that callers confront them with, since by now there are none they haven鈥檛 heard.
For instance?
Q: My turkey has no breast meat! What do I do?
A: (In calm voice) Turn it over.
Q: My oven鈥檚 too small, so I used a hammer to shatter all the bones and crush the bird into a lump 鈥� that鈥檚 OK, right?
A: OK in theory. Just be careful carving. And don鈥檛 get your hopes up about presentation.
Q: I sliced my bird in half with a chain saw 鈥� will the engine oil be a problem?
A: That would be yes.
Q: I found a turkey in a freezer unopened since 1969. Can I eat it?
A: That would be no.
Q: My bird barely fits inside my oven 鈥� will it rise too much for me to get it out?
A: Turkeys don鈥檛 rise.
Q: I forgot to remove the plastic shrink-wrap before I roasted it. What now?
A: Do you have another bird?
Q: I scrubbed my raw turkey with a toothbrush dipped in bleach for three hours. Is that enough to kill the harmful bacteria?聽
A: Not sure.聽
Bonus A: But if you eat it, it could kill you.
And then there鈥檚 the No. 1 most often-asked question: How do I find out when my turkey is done? The only acceptable answer: with a thermometer. You can鈥檛 tell if a turkey is done by looking at it. Or by twisting its leg. Butterball advises that a turkey is done when the thermometer reads 180 degrees Fahrenheit deep in the thigh, and 165 degrees in the center of the stuffing, if the turkey is stuffed.聽
Or there鈥檚 the other most often-asked question: I forgot to thaw my turkey 鈥� how can I thaw it now?
A: For starters, not in a hot tub, or with a hair dryer, or in the bathtub with your twins, all of which have been tried more often than you鈥檇 imagine. (鈥淧eople are a hoot!鈥� a hotline veteran once delightedly told an interviewer.) Butterball operatives cite the USDA recommendation: Soak the turkey, bagged, in cold water for 30 minutes per pound of bird, changing the water every 30 minutes as you go. All of which sounds like the best possible reason for remembering to do your thawing right in the first place, by giving your bird a day in the refrigerator for every 4 or 5 pounds of its weight.
Phew. Are we poking fun? No, we are not. On account of we live in a pretty glassy house ourselves. There was the year I decided to 鈥渂urnish鈥� our turkey by roasting it draped in a fat-soaked cheesecloth (it was a thing, I鈥檓 telling you), only to annoy the neighbors with fire alarms and smoke that sent our visitors into the subfreezing yard.
And the year I forgot to buy a roasting pan and had to fabricate one from tinfoil and cookie sheets (another fail, more turkey drippings on the oven floor, more smoke). As well as the year when our own complaining sewer system resulted in a 鈥渟ituation,鈥� as my then 8-year-old niece called it; we and our houseguests spent half of Thanksgiving fervently watching two unfortunate drain pros interrogate our holding tank, their quilted coveralls and woolen balaclavas providing far too little protection against the unbroken Northwest wind. What had we done wrong? I still don鈥檛 know. I鈥檓 not sure I want to.
(But to both of those gentlemen, wherever they are: Thank you, more than I can say.)
Dodging disaster
As a public service, we should point out that the people who save Thanksgiving have thoughts about all this 鈥� countermeasures, let鈥檚 call them 鈥� which mostly amount to advice about how we can forestall our disasters in the first place (before they become their disasters).
Even Roto-Rooter, whose revenues rise with our troubles, doesn鈥檛 hesitate to educate about how to keep those troubles at bay. 鈥淔unny thing,鈥� says Mr. Abrams, in the Cincinnati headquarters, 鈥渁t first we were afraid that sharing all the preventative info would undercut our business 鈥� but, nah, never happened.鈥�
Nowadays, locate any plumbing company that hosts a blog and you鈥檒l find a treatise about how to avoid Thanksgiving disasters. Read enough of them, and they start to feel like a collective plea. Please don鈥檛 pour the turkey fat down the sink. Please keep an eye on those houseguests 鈥渏ust trying to help鈥� with cleanup. Please, please, please don鈥檛 mistake your garbage disposal for a trash can. And don鈥檛 mistake your toilet for a garbage disposal, either, in case you need reminding. (See above.)
In Rochester, Minnesota, Norm Autry tells us that although we should use a lot of running water when using the garbage disposal, 鈥渞unning the faucet for 15 minutes does not rinse that pipe. A garbage disposal is an appliance of convenience, but if not used properly it will come back to bite you.鈥�
In Newfoundland, New Jersey, Mark Lindsay gets more specific: 鈥淧our any excess grease from turkey or roast pans into a disposable container and let it congeal; then discard the container in the trash.鈥� Here鈥檚 his list of what not to put in your garbage disposal:
鈥� Bones.
鈥� Celery, pumpkin or potato flesh, or other fibrous foods.
鈥� Coffee grounds.
鈥� Eggshells.
鈥� Fruit pits.
鈥� Pasta.
鈥� GREASE (capital letters, his).聽
And in Charlotte, North Carolina, Dave Parker reminds us that 鈥渓ots of guests means lots of flushing. Save your guests the embarrassment of asking for a plunger 鈥� just in case 鈥� and leave one in plain sight near the toilet. And consider a friendly-worded 鈥榙o not flush鈥� list as a reminder to guests (baby wipes, Q-tips, floss).鈥�
The cooking advisers are a little less desperately prescriptive. (Except, really, get that turkey out of the freezer and into the fridge on Saturday, not Thursday, we鈥檙e begging you.) Most of the advice about disaster avoidance in the kitchen might be summarized like this: Don鈥檛 experiment. Just don鈥檛. Thanksgiving is not the moment to try fat-basted cheesecloth on your bird to prevent it from drying out. Or to top that side dish of portobellos with some new recipe鈥檚 suggestion of pepper, paprika, and cayenne. And do not decide that you鈥檝e fallen in love with the word 鈥渟patchcock鈥� and that this is the day to make it happen. Put down the cleaver. This is not that day.
All good advice, no? Of course we won鈥檛 follow it. Or many of us won鈥檛, at least. Sure, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but this is America. Live now, fix later.
So the people who save Thanksgiving for us will have to keep saving it.
Which, for them, isn鈥檛 all bad. As Roto-Rooter鈥檚 Mr. Abrams doesn鈥檛 hesitate to note, 鈥淎 plumber can make a lot of money on Thanksgiving.鈥�
Money鈥檚 good. Given the price they pay to get it, though 鈥� the lost family time, the disastrous conditions (literally), the obliteration of other things that go along with Thanksgivings 鈥� it鈥檚 a good thing that the people sacrificing their own holidays in order to rescue ours get something else, too. Something better.
鈥淵ou get to be the hero鈥�
鈥淥ftentimes,鈥� reflects Mr. Reef, the water heater stockpiler, 鈥渂eing a plumber is pretty thankless, I won鈥檛 lie. But not on Thanksgiving.鈥� Doesn鈥檛 matter how long the hours are, or how frustrating the challenges, or how severely you suffer from an entirely understandable case of 鈥淔OMO鈥� (fear of missing out), he says, 鈥淭hanksgiving is rewarding. People are so, so happy to see you when you show up.
鈥淥n Thanksgiving, you get to be the hero.鈥�
And if that鈥檚 not enough, you get to feel connected, too. 鈥淚t鈥檚 the day you get to really feel those intimate relationships with customers that we miss on a day-to-day basis,鈥� Mr. Reef says.
Says Food52鈥檚 Ms. D鈥橝mato, of her company鈥檚 all-staff effort to answer any posted query in 10 minutes or less: 鈥淚t鈥檚 all hands on deck, but it鈥檚 fun, too. Everyone at Food52 comes together to make this a really special experience for our community. ... It鈥檚 full-on, but it鈥檚 also so rewarding to help people and be there for them.鈥� The secret sauce, though, isn鈥檛 always the advice, she says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 about just supporting people and easing their anxieties: 鈥楽o your meal may not turn out perfect 鈥� it鈥檚 OK! Mine may not either.鈥� It鈥檚 about being in it together.鈥澛�
At Butterball, too, it鈥檚 not the goofy questions that the staffers like to talk about the most. It鈥檚 the feeling of being there on a day when things are happening that might be remembered forever: when someone who has just lost a lifelong partner now has to cook alone and doesn鈥檛 know how; when young newlyweds are nervously hosting their first Thanksgiving and can鈥檛 figure out the gravy; when recent immigrants reach out because they so want to get this new tradition 鈥� their new tradition 鈥� exactly right.
It鈥檚 the feeling of being in service. And anyway, what鈥檚 better 鈥� to receive gifts, or to have them to give?
鈥淗onestly,鈥� says Mr. Reef, 鈥渉olidays really do bring out the best in people.鈥� The work is hard, sure, but what a difference you can make. What gratitude you鈥檙e met with. 鈥淎nd the food! People are so relieved and happy, they keep feeding you at every stop. And the food is so great!
鈥淥nly thing is,鈥� he says, 鈥渂y the end of the day you鈥檙e too full to eat a Thanksgiving meal of your own.鈥�
But don鈥檛 worry, he adds, starting to laugh. 鈥淚t鈥檚 nothing we can鈥檛 handle.鈥�
