海角大神

Lauren Sandler grew up as an only child, never giving it much thought until she became a mother and decided she was happy raising one kid. Suddenly, making the same choice her parents had made seemed shocking to people around her.听

鈥淥n the subway when people would see me with one child in a stroller, strangers would comment on how cute she was and immediately ask, 鈥榃hen are you having your next one?鈥欌�� Ms. Sandler says. When she explained she wasn鈥檛 planning another, she received 鈥渉ead-shaking, tongue clucking, in a way that I鈥檇 never had a stranger respond to me.鈥澛�

鈥淭o me the most controversial thing I could have ever done in public was be with one child and say I鈥檓 not going to have another one,鈥� says Ms. Sandler, a journalist and author of 鈥淥ne and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One.鈥澛�

More Americans are grappling with the idea of having one child. The one-child family is the fastest-growing family unit in the United States, according to census data. That鈥檚 causing a reevaluation of many persistently held beliefs about only children and their parents and what constitutes a happy family.听聽聽

鈥淪lowly, at a snail鈥檚 pace, the negative stereotypes seem to be waning,鈥� says Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of 鈥淭he Case for the Only Child.鈥澛犅�

Rise of the only child

The one-child family over the past generation. A Pew Research Center study found the number of mothers who reached the end of their childbearing years with one child doubled from 11% in 1976 to 22% in 2015.听

That coincides with an overall shift to smaller families, with the number of women giving birth to four or more children declining from 40% to 14% over the same time period.听聽

Those who study only children point to a variety of social and economic factors contributing to the change, including delayed marriage and childbearing, higher rates of educational attainment and workforce involvement for women, and the high price tag of raising a child even as housing costs skyrocket and wages stagnate.听

鈥淭he one-child family is definitely on the rise,鈥� says Gretchen Livingston, a senior researcher on fertility and family demographics at Pew Research Center.听聽

As more people consider raising one child, parents are sorting through their notions about only children, trying to understand whether they and their children will be better or worse off if the table stays set for three.听

Parents are concerned about whether their child will be lonely, or if it will be too big a burden for one child to care for aging parents, says Dr. Newman, who receives 鈥渆ndless queries鈥� on these topics.听

Comedian Tina Fey captured some of the indecision parents feel, writing in a New Yorker , 鈥淚 debate the second-baby issue when I can鈥檛 sleep. 鈥淪hould I? No. I want to. I can鈥檛. I must. Of course not.鈥澛�

Debunked stereotypes聽

Many of the labels of only children as spoiled, lonely, or peculiar trace their source back to Granville Stanley Hall, a celebrated child psychologist of his day, who in 1896 declared 鈥渂eing an only child is a disease in itself.鈥澛�

In the 1970s, researchers began seriously studying only children and found no evidence that children without siblings turned out any differently than their peers. The research showed only children were instead more likely to have higher levels of self-esteem and achievement.听

Toni Falbo, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, conducted much of the groundbreaking research and continues to study only children. She believes the current sentiment among the American public is that having two children is most desirable.

鈥淚 think the belief in the 鈥榣onely-only,鈥� or the 鈥榤aladjusted-only,鈥� persists because of the聽stereotypes,鈥� Dr. Falbo says. 鈥淪tereotypes are something that seem to make sense in people鈥檚 thinking. They鈥檝e been around for thousands of years, and there鈥檚 the benefit of thinking that all couples should have children, and that鈥檚 plural.鈥澛�

More recently, that within a group of 250 college-aged students, only children scored similarly to children with siblings on IQ tests, but showed more flexibility (a measure of creativity) and less agreeableness.听聽

鈥楢 good balance for us鈥櫬�

Of course, not all only children enjoyed their childhood. In an in Motherly, writer Christy Heather recalls 鈥渕y childhood of endless summers alone, of always wanting more of my friends鈥� time than they wanted to give.鈥� She and her husband did not want to raise an only child.听

Parents of only children have been criticized for being selfish by not giving their children a sibling.听

鈥淧eople say, 鈥榃hat鈥檚 wrong with these parents, they鈥檙e so selfish, they need to have another child,鈥欌�� Dr. Newman says. 鈥淓very family is different. As an outsider we don鈥檛 know what鈥檚 going on. We shouldn鈥檛 guess and judge and critique. I think that would be quite helpful.鈥澛犅�

The decision to have one child is based on elements that can and can鈥檛 be controlled, says Ms. Sandler. Sometimes parents plan for more kids, but infertility or miscarriages interfere. Other times parents can鈥檛 afford to pay for housing, plus multiple fees for piano, soccer, and art lessons. A study conducted by the real estate website Zillow in 2018 found that .听

For parents who find themselves unexpectedly raising an only child, or starting to doubt they can afford more than one, Dr. Falbo offers some advice.听

鈥淔or people considering just having one, there are very few downsides,鈥� says Dr. Falbo. 鈥淚n general, children grow up without siblings and they do just fine. That鈥檚 assuming they go to school, interact with peers, have extracurricular activities, and warm and responsive parents. If they have all that, their outcomes as an adult would be within the normal range.鈥�

Some parents of grown only children look back warmly at their years raising one.

Robert Dewey and his wife raised their now-26-year-old daughter in Bethesda, Maryland. Both parents maintained full-time jobs and are active runners. Mr. Dewey鈥檚 wife sang in two choirs. As a trio, their family cheered at each other鈥檚 events, traveled together, and have always felt close.听

鈥淲e were able to have it all in terms of the quality of family life that we wanted, and focus on our child, and pursue our own interests professionally and personally,鈥� he says. 鈥淪o it seemed like a good balance for us.鈥澛�