Has the White House turkey pardon jumped the shark?
Has the White House turkey pardon jumped the shark?
We ask this because this year鈥檚 traditional ceremony 鈥� in which President Obama will pardon a bird presumably otherwise bound for a Thanksgiving platter 鈥� is more, um, elaborate than ever. It involves two turkeys, and Facebook, and voting, and Carly Simon. This isn鈥檛 a lighter moment in a president鈥檚 otherwise heavy schedule, it鈥檚 an over-produced reality show. Call it 鈥淭he Gravy Factor," or maybe 鈥�America鈥檚 Got Drumsticks."
OK, we鈥檒l back up a moment and take this whole thing from the top. Since at least 1947, US presidents have participated in an annual event in which they receive a turkey from the National Turkey Federation in honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving harvest feast.
At the beginning, these birds had a date with oyster stuffing. President Truman ate his, or at least said he was going to. President Eisenhower did the same thing.
But more recently, White Houses have decided it looks less carnivorous for them to grant the on-stage bird clemency. According to , John F. Kennedy was the first to send his turkey back to the farm. 鈥淲e鈥檒l just let this one grow,鈥� he said.
President George H. W. Bush was the first to use the actual word 鈥減ardon." He sent his turkey to live out its days at Frying Pan Park in Herndon, Va., thereby indicating he had a subtler sense of humor than historians give him credit for today.
Since then the ceremony has become more and more Hollywood. Two turkeys are involved 鈥� a primary turkey and a backup in case the first bird can鈥檛 carry out its duty of continuing to live.
Enter Gobbler and Cobbler. This year, some Obama aide had the bright idea of pitting these two birds against each other in a Facebook-based voting contest. The one with the most 鈥渓ikes鈥� would be named the official White House bird.
Gobbler鈥檚 a four-month-old male from Rockingham County, Va., according to . His favorite food is corn, and his walk is 鈥減atient but proud," according to the White House.
Cobbler is a four-month-old, 40-pound male, also from Rockingham, who鈥檚 a 鈥渟trutter鈥� and likes the song 鈥淵ou鈥檙e So Vain鈥� by Carly Simon, according to .
(Sweet cornbread stuffing! Who鈥檚 the overachieving White House official who had to make that stuff up? They clawed their way to the top of Washington and thought they鈥檇 be running the world and instead they鈥檙e hawking poultry.)
At last look, Cobbler was the favorite 鈥� he had about 2,400 鈥渓ikes鈥� to Gobbler鈥檚 2,100. Neither will be eaten, so the title is honorific. Maybe they get a sash, or a crown.
But here鈥檚 our point 鈥� it seems to us they鈥檙e being ironic about the whole ceremony instead of straightforward. 鈥淐obbler鈥�? Carly Simon? If it鈥檚 not worth doing it without a subtext, maybe it鈥檚 not worth doing at all.
It鈥檚 not like presidents enjoy it. Or at least, many don鈥檛 seem to. Ike and Jimmy Carter made their veeps shoulder most of the turkey-related duties. Ronald Reagan laughed when his turkey made a flyabout and bolted for freedom.
In 2009, Obama approached the bird to be pardoned, named 鈥淐ourage," and asked his (the bird鈥檚) handlers if there was an 鈥渙fficial gesture." Come on 鈥� this whole thing has become too grandiose, like the 鈥淗appy Days鈥� episode where Fonzie literally jumped a shark while water-skiing. At that point, the show鈥檚 creators were out of ideas, and it began to go downhill.
Perhaps the turkey pardon has reached that crucial turn in the narrative road. The animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has asked Obama to end the practice, calling it 鈥渁rchaic."
鈥淭he White House turkey 鈥榩ardon鈥� is a sorely outdated event,鈥� PETA president Ingrid Newkirk wrote in a letter to the White House.
We might agree with that, but then again, the scalloped oysters are our own favorite part of the turkey-day meal.
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