Is there a solution to Valentine's Day?
Valentine鈥檚 Day means drama for many kids who will come home from school to report they had either the 鈥渂est鈥� or 鈥渨orst day ever,鈥� as the result of either being recognized听or ignored by the object of their affection.
Today,听parents get to explain to their kids听a few things about human nature, such as the commercialization of love, how some parents may have forgotten to put valentines in their kid鈥檚 backpack, spiritual resilience,听and that true love isn鈥檛 on Hallmark's schedule.
Because the giving and receiving of candy pellets stuck to commercialized, politically correct cards has become such a social imperative for younger kids听these days, I try to make sure my four sons aren鈥檛 accidental heartbreakers.
Boys need a support crew for Valentine鈥檚 Day when they are younger, more so than girls who seem to be more socially mature,听even in pre-school.
To that end,听I inspected听my troops last night and this morning听to make sure they were on point for V-Day today.
My youngest,听Quin, 10,听had scrawled his name on 24 packs of Skittles valentines. We had been giving only cards until last year, when we learned that the rest of the moms in the posse had upped the ante to include candy with the cards.
For Quin, now in fifth grade,听Valentine鈥檚 Day is a test, a critical puzzle to be solved.
鈥淰alentine鈥檚 Day is my Kobayashi Maru,鈥� Quin explained.
The Kobayashi Maru is known to "Star Trek" geeks worldwide as the no-win scenario taught to command-track cadets at the Starfleet Academy in the 23rd century.
According to a , 鈥淚t was primarily used to assess a cadet's discipline, character and command capabilities when facing an impossible situation, as there is no one answer to the problem.鈥�
I think Quin's description fits Valentine's Day to a T.
For the last three years, poor Quin has either been ignored or openly rejected by the object of his affection, to be left open for teasing by bullies in his class.
No matter what approach he has taken to the problem, he has gone down in flames.
As a parent, I long ago failed the Valentine's Day Kobayashi Maru when I chose not to supply my oldest son Zoltan, now 20, with little valentines for his Pre-K class. In my efforts to not jump the gun, I apparently broke the hearts of 17 little girls that day.
A pack of Tiger Moms circled and confronted me the next day.
Each one told me off,听with the general theme being, 鈥淒idn鈥檛 you ever have a boy ignore you on Valentine鈥檚 Day?鈥�
In fact, I had been the chubby girl who never ever got valentines except from my mother and grandmother, resulting in me vowing that my son would be a great valentine giver.
My stumbling block had been the timing.
My husband informed me that boys have zero awareness or needs in the cupid department until middle or high school. Girls apparently develop full-blown cupid radar as early as "Mommy and Me" classes.
I hadn鈥檛 realized that Valentine鈥檚 Day cards had the potential to create chaos so early, for the giver and the potential receiver.
In my effort to avoid setting my son up for disappointment by asserting听adult expectations on听kids, I disappointed a bunch of kids and made my son a social outcast for the rest of the year. No win.
As a result of years of trying every scenario possible,听I was happy to see that at least my older sons were taking on the Valentine's Day听test solo this year.
Avery, 15, has his first girlfriend. When he heard me talking to Quin, he came in and made a preemptive strike.
鈥淚 got this covered,鈥� Avery said, with his hand in the 鈥淭alk to the hand鈥� position. 鈥淚 found this awesome necklace. Got a really cool box and, yes, before you even ask, I made a card.鈥�
Well done.
Zoltan texted me last night to tell me he鈥檚 finally found a girl and he鈥檚 taking her out to dinner tonight. 鈥淵es, before you ask, I made her a really cool card.鈥�
Ian, 18, who听has a long-term girlfriend,听eyed me with deep suspicion this morning.
鈥淲e鈥檙e good to go for Valentine鈥檚 Day,鈥� he said before I could get a word in edgewise.
Still, there鈥檚 Quin, armed with his 24 little packets, a special one for the girl he likes.
This morning, I told him that no matter what he sees on TV and what other kids say, this is not the only day someone can love you.
鈥淭oday isn鈥檛 a test," I said. "If it was,听it would be the 'Star Trek'听kind with no right answer. It鈥檚 more like an experiment to see how different elements react. You can鈥檛 fail by giving someone candy; they can only fail to appreciate how awesome you are.鈥�
These words of wisdom were the result of parental polling data that I had gathered days ago from听Ian and Zoltan.
I asked if there was ever anything I鈥檇 told them on Valentine鈥檚 Days past when they had been rejected by a girl that helped them to get over it.
鈥淣othing鈥檚 going to make it 100 percent听better, but it helps to have you tell us things like 鈥業f she didn鈥檛 see what鈥檚 good about you, she just wasn鈥檛 the right one,鈥欌�� said Zoltan today.
Ian said, 鈥淲hat helped me get over a bad Valentine鈥檚 Day? The day after Valentine鈥檚 Day when you realize you made it out the other side.鈥�
It鈥檚 Valentine鈥檚 Day and we鈥檙e going in. See you all on the other side.
