海角大神

鈥溾�� came up in my Facebook news feed聽a lot聽this week. It鈥檚 being shared with such enthusiasm that I was eager to read it. I hoped its advice for teenage girls about their Facebook activities would live up to the hype.

But instead, when I read it, my heart sank. Although the post is well-intended, the author, Kimberly Hall, makes a tremendous error: She places the responsibility for her teenage boys鈥� sexual desires on teenage girls, rather than on the boys themselves.

For example, addressing her sons鈥� female friends, she writes: 鈥淒id you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can鈥檛 ever un-see it?聽 You 诲辞苍鈥檛 want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?鈥�

Well, no. I鈥檓 sure that her sons鈥� female friends聽诲辞苍鈥檛聽want to be thought of聽only聽in a sexual way, considering that they are complex human beings with a range of feelings, ideas and interests. So why ask these questions? Doing so places the blame for her sons鈥� thoughts and desires squarely on the shoulders of the teenage girls they know鈥揹odging the fact that boys are responsible for how they choose (yes,聽choose) to think of the girls in their lives.

I suspect that Hall鈥檚 post has gone viral because so many people are concerned with teenage girls鈥� self-presentation on facebook. We鈥檝e all seen it: teenage girls trying to mimic the scantily-clad celebrities and models plastered on billboards and magazine covers. And naturally, people want to聽do something聽about it. After all, the implications of our media culture鈥檚 sexualization of girls is serious: As the American Psychological Association has noted, when girls learn that our culture values their appearances above all else about them, they may in turn learn to sexualize themselves 鈥� and the impact of self-sexualization on girls鈥� self-esteem and self-image is devastating. The damage of thinking of oneself first and foremost as an object can take a lifetime to undo.

Furthermore, once a photograph is online, it鈥檚 essentially impossible to remove it from the internet. So when girls place sexually provocative 鈥渟elfies鈥� of themselves to facebook, it鈥檚 a huge issue. For example, the photos can be used by bullies to shame the girls鈥揳nd they can resurface years later, too, causing myriad problems in their lives.

But these are not problems that would affect Mrs. Hall鈥檚 sons.聽They would affect the girls themselves. Furthermore, the sexual double-standard in our society is so pervasive that any 鈥渟exy鈥� photos the boys may post of themselves are unlikely to cause them similar harm.

We are living in a post-Steubenville world (which I wrote about聽). We have seen graphic evidence of the results of the sexual objectification of young girls, and of the victim-blaming mindset 鈥� that a girl who presents herself in a sexy way 鈥渄eserves it.鈥�

Therefore, for parents like Mrs. Hall who are concerned about their sons鈥� well-being, their best course is聽not聽to focus on shaming girls and controlling their behavior.

Instead, we must teach our sons compassion. Help them understand that girls鈥� self-sexualization is prompted by a toxic culture.

We must teach our sons to always respect girls. Help them see girls as complex human beings, like themselves鈥撀�苍别惫别谤听simply as sex objects.

Our boys MUST be taught these lessons. They must know that when a girl engages in sexually provocative behavior, her behavior does not give boys a 鈥減ass鈥� to dwell exclusively on the girls鈥� sexuality. Nor does it entitle them to expect sexual favors from girls, or to pressure them sexually in any way.

Contrary to popular opinion, boys are not animals. They can practice self-control. And yes, it takes聽practice. But if we focus on raising our sons, rather than chastising other people鈥檚 daughters, it鈥檚 possible.

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