海角大神

An interesting myth about social media is the one about tension between teen privacy and teen safety. Because of all the scary messaging about the Internet that has been in circulation for almost two decades, many parents seem to believe it鈥檚 their job to monitor their children鈥檚 internet use closely.

The assumption is that privacy (from parents) jeopardizes their safety. That assumption deserves to be challenged. Why?

Because privacy is not necessarily the opposite of protection; it may be one means聽迟辞听it. If, where most kids are concerned (of course not vulnerable or at-risk youth), we think of privacy as space to figure things out on one鈥檚 own and work things out with peers, it becomes clear that privacy affords learning about who one is, how to interact well with others, and how to apply one鈥檚 values to those interactions.

As such, it鈥檚 part of developing agency, self-actualization, social efficacy, and resilience (which actually can鈥檛 be separated from risk 鈥� see聽this) 鈥� part of growing up and finding one鈥檚 place in the world, right?

鈥淎dolescents鈥� perceptions of efficacy play a major role in their transition from childhood dependency to adulthood self-sufficiency,鈥� wrote psychology professors Barry Zimmerman and Timothy Cleary聽in a聽.

We can neither make that efficacy happen for them nor can we leave them completely on their own to develop it.

I鈥檓 not suggesting total privacy from parental surveillance 鈥� it鈥檚 an ongoing calibration and recalibration and very individual. But I do suggest we can鈥檛 really find the right calibration if we鈥檝e completely bought into the popular belief (or fear) that protecting kids means allowing them no unmonitored, unsupervised space to hang out in digital spaces and learn what being emotionally safe means to themselves and others and how to co-create that safety with their peers.

鈥淎ll too often, parents erode their relationship with their children because they believe they have the right to snoop,鈥� wrote聽聽after years of in-person interviews with teens and their parents throughout the US.

You probably agree that building trust together, with the open communication that implies, is a whole lot better for any relationship than surveillance and control. And a whole lot better for their safety in social media is to help them develop social- and media-literacy skills rather than to reinforce their dependence on us.

鈥淭he key to guiding teens 鈥� and for that matter, yourselves [wrote Ms. Boyd, speaking to parents] 鈥� is to start by asking questions. 鈥榃hat are you trying to achieve? Who do you think you鈥檙e talking to? How would you feel if someone else was looking? What if what you said could be misinterpreted?鈥� Start these conversations when your children are young and help them learn how to evolve. There鈥檚 no formula.鈥�

So of course it鈥檚 our job to protect our children, but it鈥檚 not our only job. Our other key responsibility is to help them do聽their聽job of growing up and developing self-efficacy online as well as offline.

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