海角大神

Thankfully, the youth part of 鈥淭alking to Youth and Parents about Life Online鈥� had a whole lot of good news in it because my heart sank when I read this first paragraph on parents鈥� views in from Canada鈥檚 premier digital and media literacy organization:

鈥淭he parents we spoke with were beleaguered by fear of danger and exhausted from the burden of constant vigilance. Although the exact nature of that danger is poorly defined, many parents told us that surveillance is now equated with good parenting, and that the days of trusting their children and providing them with space to explore the world and make mistakes are long gone.鈥�

I asked MediaSmarts鈥檚 co-director Jane Talimm about that finding, and she emailed me that 鈥渢his was consistent with almost all of the parents in our focus groups 鈥� we were actually surprised at the intensity of emotion many expressed in this regard 鈥� and as we know, this runs counter to the mutual trust, confidence and communication between parents and their kids that is so essential to helping them develop the skills they need for digital life.鈥�

This is where Internet-safety messaging 鈥� amplified by the news media 鈥� has gotten us. Parents not only feeling beleaguered, fearful, and exhausted but, worse, feeling they can鈥檛 trust their children. Can the net result of聽that聽somehow increase our children鈥檚 safety?

Is it as clear to you as it is to me that we need to turn this Internet-safety ship around? Our children deserve better 鈥� for one thing, more respect.

Prominent sociologists Karen Fingerman and Frank Furstenberg made several related points in a recent New York Times article, saying:

• Parents and kids are closer than ever
• We鈥檝e largely closed the generation gap so widely lamented 40 years ago
• 鈥淲e could be celebrating the strong bonds between today鈥檚 young people and their parents rather than lamenting the foibles of the next generation鈥� and
• 鈥淭echnological and economic developments have contributed to this shift.鈥�

Tech developments have contributed to what keeps kids safer than anything: the self-respect and resilience that come from love, communication, and respect.

So we鈥檝e moved from one kind of gap to another: the gap between reality 鈥� how our children are living their lives from day to day, including what鈥檚 reflected and expressed of them in social media 鈥� and more than 15 years of exaggerated claims and misrepresentations of Internet risk.

How to bridge this new gap?

Two simple things for starters: Listen to our own kids more and look at the data. For example, just go to p. 6 of MediaSmarts鈥檚 about 鈥淲hat Young People Get Out of Networked Technologies.鈥� Take scary commentaries and news reports we hear to our kids, analyze them together, and test the claims against our kids鈥� own practices and privacy settings. Fold those claims into the conversation and listen to our kids鈥� responses. If negative experiences emerge, develop strategies together for dealing with them 鈥� that calm, loving support from their parents is powerful.

I truly believe we鈥檒l not only find comfort and mutual respect in the process, we鈥檒l feel a whole lot less reason to be scared, beleaguered and distrustful.

海角大神 has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs. Anne Collier blogs at聽