海角大神

This was not the first time the flashing lights of an officer of the law had appeared in my rearview mirror. But it was the first time I refused the invitation to pull over. It was one of those split-second decisions that people like me have to make whenever we engage with law enforcement officers. My encounter, thankfully, didn鈥檛 reach the fatal threshold of a , , or . But people like me live with a constant fear that the potential is there.

Once I left the scene of the incident, I could have just paid the $164 fine or taken the four-hour, $49 traffic safety class and been done with it. But for reasons I still don鈥檛 fully understand, those options left me feeling violated. And even though I had no expectation that something good would come of entering the halls of justice 鈥� in fact, there would be added court costs to pay if I lost the case 鈥� I felt better just thinking about having my say.

The morning of my court appearance, I realized that going to court would be a scary and intimidating experience, so I needed to write down what had been rolling around in my head or I鈥檇 stumble over my words. After the police officer, who was white, gave his version of the incident, here鈥檚 what I had to say:

Good afternoon, Your Honor.

I was not following too closely. I don鈥檛 know why I or anyone else would follow a state police officer too closely. And, more significant, I don鈥檛 think following too closely is the reason I got a ticket.

On that evening, I was in the right lane; the police officer was in front of me at what was a safe distance. We were not even going the speed limit. I would be getting off the interstate soon, and I didn鈥檛 want to speed up and pass the officer or miss my exit. The officer moved to the left lane, then beside me for a little longer than seemed normal, and then behind me, 鈥� following me at the same distance I had been following him. I thought nothing of it until he turned his lights on. And this is when things got interesting.

I didn鈥檛 know why the officer turned his lights on me. I wasn鈥檛 speeding. My license plate sticker wasn鈥檛 expired. My lights were working. In that moment, everything I know about being black in America kicked in, and I decided I was not going to stop at night on an unlighted stretch of road for anyone, including and perhaps certainly not for a police officer. I truly feared for my life. 鈥�

鈥� I didn鈥檛 get a ticket for following too closely; I got a ticket because I didn鈥檛 pull over, and I didn鈥檛 pull over because I didn鈥檛 know what might happen to me on a dark highway.

I pulled over when I reached the exit with lights and people and I felt safe. By the time I got to my exit, another police car was there, and that caused additional trauma.

When the officer came to my car, he said I could have caused an accident. I had no idea what he was talking about. I said, 鈥� 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 know who you were.鈥� What did I mean by that? Yes, I knew he was a police officer, but I didn鈥檛 know what kind of police officer he was.

Then he quoted the section of a traffic code that I had violated and told me I was following too closely. I was shocked. I couldn鈥檛 believe this was what the lights were all about.

Why do I share this with you? First, because I wasn鈥檛 following too closely. Second, even if I were, I could have been given a warning. And third, these are the kinds of minor and major situations that people like me find ourselves in on a daily basis. It鈥檚 a situation where grace could be applied, but instead there is punitive and financial judgment. 鈥� For far too many people like me, an innocent traffic stop has ended tragically. And, yes, I know, for many a police officer, an innocent traffic stop has ended in tragedy as well.

This, Your Honor, is a 鈥渉e said, she said鈥� case. And, what he 鈥� a police officer 鈥� says carries more weight than what this she has to say. I understand and respect that. I respect the law, [and] I am grateful for the dangerous work our law enforcement officers do each day. 鈥�

In our binary world, we are divided into winners and losers. Ruling in my favor makes the officer a loser, and ruling in his favor makes me the loser. I鈥檇 like to offer a third way.

By the end of our encounter, I believe both the officer and I realized that we were not the people we thought each other was. That was the win for me and the officer, but more importantly, it was also a win for our society. Being in proximity with others is what changes hearts and minds. And that was the gift of the encounter. I was in fear, but what I didn鈥檛 know is, the officer was living in fear also. The second or third time he came up to my car, I said I wanted to get out of the car to stretch my legs, but he said I couldn鈥檛 and something to the effect that he meets a lot of people and he doesn鈥檛 know what they will do.

I was shocked. By then, he knew I was a 64-year-old woman driving a 13-year-old Volvo. But he was in fear of me? There is something dangerously wrong in our society when good people feel this way about each other. Your Honor, your ruling today can help us all to walk away from here with a new, grace-filled narrative about the scales of justice, or we can continue to react to our unbalanced fears. Your Honor, I鈥檓 asking you to dismiss this case. Why? Because I wasn鈥檛 following too closely, and justice, in this case, can be better meted out as mercy. Thank you, Your Honor.

What happened next was as shocking as seeing the trooper鈥檚 lights behind me on that dark night on a dark road. The state trooper walked over to the prosecuting attorney. They shared a brief, private conversation, and then the prosecuting attorney turned to the judge and said, 鈥淵our Honor, the state would like to dismiss this case.鈥� She did.

There was nothing in my racial understanding of American life that would have led me to believe that the officer who gave me the ticket would seek its dismissal. But regardless of the past and no matter what our fears, sometimes we touch the heart of another human being when we share our own.

Maisie Sparks is the author of 鈥淗oly Shakespeare!鈥� and other works.