海角大神

Quite often, in our day to day lives, we interact with people who spend with reckless abandon and don鈥檛 think for a moment about the long-term financial implications of what they鈥檙e doing 鈥� or, when they do think about it, they simply believe that someone or something will take care of it for them in the future.

For those of us who really understand the tremendous value of getting our financial houses in order, this can be incredibly frustrating, particularly when we see someone we care about falling into that trap or, even worse, believing that we will eventually be the ones that bail them out of whatever situation they鈥檙e involved with.

In these situations, the tempting response is to try to directly 鈥渟et them straight.鈥� If you simply lay out the facts of the situation and point out how their current economic path is unsustainable, they鈥檒l begin to see the light, right?

Wrong.

Very few people really enjoy being told how they鈥檙e doing things wrong. Quite often, they鈥檒l reject such statements and, on some level, resent you for the statements you鈥檝e made to them. I have seen this happen far too many times when people have interventions and discussions with people on a bad financial path.

It just doesn鈥檛 add up to success.

Instead, I find that a set of completely different tactics tends to work well in these situations. Rather than trying to force the horse to drink, focus instead on leading the horse gently to the water.

Try these six tactics on for size.

Give them chances to show they鈥檙e responsible. People often start revealing their best traits when they鈥檙e given an opportunity to do so. Let the person with the poor financial history be involved with any major financial choices you may have in common 鈥� don鈥檛 just decide things for them, because that creates the impression that you鈥檙e the boss and they鈥檙e the follower, that they don鈥檛 really have to worry about it. Tell them that you trust them and that you believe they鈥檙e up to the task of carrying their part in whatever you鈥檙e working on together.

Follow failures not with rage, but with quiet disappointment. I find that, over and over again, quiet disappointment is far more effective as a response to someone who has let you down than a pile of rage ever will be. If someone lets you down, do everything you can to avoid exploding at them. Don鈥檛 let your emotions overwhelm the situation. Instead, calmly state that they did, in fact, let you down, and divest yourself of as much of the immediate situation as you can.

Offer them occasional tips for good financial living that work well for you that might actually apply in their life. Don鈥檛 send them daily emails filled with frugality tips. Instead, wait for the really good ones that might actually click with them, then send that idea along to them. The goal is to help them improve their own life, not to make their life mimic your life.

Have a heart-to-heart, but not about the finances. Tell the person how much they really do matter to you, and also tell them that if they ever need to figure out what the next step is in their life, you will drop what you can to help them figure it out. This type of talk is hard to do, but it can often be a life changer to a person who is wandering and is trying to figure out what does come next in their life.

Decide now whether you鈥檙e willing to mop up their mistakes. Some people spend years worrying about having to take care of their parents without really deciding if that鈥檚 what they鈥檙e going to do or not. Don鈥檛 put yourself in that situation. Decide, right now, whether you鈥檙e going to take care of them in the long term or not, and then act accordingly. Don鈥檛 hedge your bets because you鈥檒l just carry a painful decision out for much longer, making your life miserable and probably adding misery to their life, too.

Wait for their 鈥渂ottom,鈥� then gently offer help. Although a low point can often be incredibly painful, it can also be an incredibly valuable learning experience for people. It is at that point that a person realizes, for the first time, that they鈥檙e following a path that doesn鈥檛 work. It鈥檚 at that time when they look around them and see who their true friends are, as they are the ones who are willing to help them at this low point. That鈥檚 when your help will really matter. That鈥檚 when a helping hand won鈥檛 cause resentment, but will be appreciated. That鈥檚 when it鈥檒l build into something more than just a quick fix.

I鈥檝e applied all of these at various points in my own life when helping others. Over and over again, I found that being much more passive with my help was the right thing to do.

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