How to Talk to Girls
What will Alec Greven have left to wish for when he grows up? At the age of 9 he is already a noted expert on relations with the opposite sex 鈥� and a published author.
It all started in Ms. Dupree鈥檚 third-grade class in Castle Rock, Colo. Alec won a class writing contest with an entry called How to Talk to Girls. Before he knew it, he was on the local news. Then the Ellen DeGeneres show came calling. Shortly after that, Alec had an agent.
Alec says all the information in 鈥淗ow to Talk to Girls鈥� comes from life on the playground. (However, he notes in his introduction that his statistics are based solely on interactions at Soaring Hawk Elementary School. 鈥淭hey聽 aren鈥檛 worldwide,鈥� he writes. 鈥淚 would have had to do a lot more research for that.鈥�)
But as far as it goes, Alec鈥檚 advice seems excellent.
Boys should dress nicely and ask good questions. (鈥淒id you see that episode of ______?鈥� and 鈥淚 heard you went to ______. What did you do?鈥� are two recommended conversational openers.)
Boys should not show off, act hyper, appear desperate, be mean, or use attention-getting gambits like flapping their arms like a chicken.
They should also exercise care when it comes to pretty girls. (Pretty girls, says Alec, are the ones with 鈥渂ig earrings, fancy dresses, and all the jewelry.鈥�) 鈥淧retty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil,鈥� he warns. 鈥淭he best choice for most boys is a regular girl.鈥�
The reason? 鈥淎bout 73 percent of regular girls ditch boys,鈥� estimates Alec, but 鈥�98 percent of pretty girls ditch boys.鈥�
If you see a pretty girl, he advises, 鈥淯se caution! ... [D]on鈥檛 let her tractor beam pull you in.鈥�
Alec is at least as realistic as he is romantic. 鈥淲inning victory means the girl you like likes you back.鈥� But, he warns, 鈥淚t is very rare鈥� and 鈥淪ometimes it takes years!鈥� Boys who do win a girl鈥檚 heart have to keep working at being courteous, clean, normal, and modest or they will 鈥渉ave to start all over again!鈥�
If things don鈥檛 work out, Alec sagely counsels, 鈥淛ust let it go. Whatever happens, don鈥檛 let it make you crazy.鈥� He then concludes, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 it. I am all out of ideas.鈥�
But really, what more is there to know?
Marjorie Kehe is the Monitor鈥檚 book editor.
