海角大神

When National Football League owners adopted a new domestic violence policy Wednesday, in a way, it wasn鈥檛 just for the wives of football players. It was for Susan Williams, too.

At first blush, Ms. Williams is only tenuously related to the NFL scandal that spawned the changes. She left an abusive relationship more than two decades ago, long before the video of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice knocking out his then-girlfriend, Janay, turned a spotlight on domestic abuse.

But even for her, what the NFL has done matters. For 20 years, she has blamed herself for the death of a police officer who was killed by her ex-husband and their then-teenage son. She has blamed herself for her failure to rescue her son from the influence of a father who stockpiled weapons in the house as an anti-government survivalist.

She has blamed herself for not leaving the marriage sooner.

Every instance of domestic violence is different, of course. Janay Rice has stood up for Ray (now her husband), saying he made a mistake. She has said he has never abused her before or since.

But the broader conversation spawned by the incident has given Williams a sense of comfort and even courage. The discussion about why abused spouses stay with their partners both聽frustrated聽Williams and聽inspired her to share her own story. She feels the media attention is helping to shed light on the complicated motivations in such cases 鈥� creating empathy and pushing authorities to take聽domestic abuse more seriously.

The situation points to how a repugnant act can sometimes give birth to a positive feedback loop that can help change lives.聽Publicity is empowering more victims to step forward, and Williams 鈥渋s a wonderful candidate for someone to say, 鈥楾his is a burden you need to stop carrying,鈥� 鈥� says Richard Gelles, who has written 24 books on domestic violence.

Mr. Gelles contrasts the reaction to the Rice case to the reaction to the O.J. Simpson case in 1994, in which the ex-NFL star was accused of killing his聽former wife. 鈥淭hat case actually created a lot of fear in women, that if they left, they would be even more vulnerable,鈥� he says.

That was how Williams, who now lives in San Diego, felt.

鈥淚鈥檓 getting so frustrated with people asking why women don鈥檛 just leave the situation,鈥� she says. "Sometimes you can't leave, because if you leave聽he'll burn down your sister's house or he'll kill your aunt鈥�. Domestic violence goes beyond being punched out by a person.聽It threatens everyone in your life that you love.鈥�

Her former husband, James Oswald, and their son, Ted Oswald, are serving life sentences for a 1994 bank robbery, hostage-taking, and police聽shooting聽in Wisconsin. During the trial, she felt that no one cared about her claims of abuse. Since then, she had stayed mostly quiet until contacting this reporter, who had met her during the trial, to tell her story after the Ray Rice scandal broke.

Her story includes a glimpse of what can happen to women trying to leave an abusive relationship. After Williams left her husband, she spent time in a battered women's shelter. 鈥淚 鈥� saw just incredible poverty among women who had been on the run for ages,鈥� she says. 鈥淚 was finally able to get away after I鈥檇 squirreled away about $300.鈥�

Later, when her ex-husband fled with their three children to another state, Williams had to repeatedly take time off from work while scrambling for money to go and get them.

Studies show the No. 1 predictor of whether a victim will leave or return to an abusive relationship is economic dependency, says Kim Gandy, 鈥巔resident and CEO of the National Network to End Domestic Violence in Washington.

鈥淣inety-five percent of abusive relationships involve financial abuse,鈥� said Ms. Gandy. 鈥淗e ruins her credit, he runs up debt, forces them to take payday loans, but also, he gets her fired. Once she鈥檚 been fired from two or three jobs, what are the chances she鈥檚 going to get another job?鈥澛�

The NFL鈥檚 move Wednesday will help.

鈥淚f there鈥檚 a teachable moment in this, it鈥檚 鈥榃hat are workplaces doing?鈥� 鈥� Gelles says.

The NFL鈥檚 new policy outlines clearer punishments, establishes funds for counseling, expands services for victims and violators, and sets up a new special counsel.

鈥淚s it a聽question of 鈥楢s the NFL goes, so goes the country?鈥櫬燩robably not,鈥� says Gelles.聽鈥淏ut is it another positive step forward, where a fairly high-profile organization says, 鈥楾his is not going to be tolerated?鈥� Yes.聽 I think all the other sports leagues will do something similar. Something that men pay attention to has made a statement that this is not acceptable behavior.鈥�

As more women are emboldened to come forward, the stress on shelters and services is likely to become an issue, Gelles adds. After cuts in government funding that 鈥渟tarted in earnest鈥� in 2000 and 2001, most shelters are unable to accommodate the increased demand.

Still, Gelles is glad that the Ray Rice case is encouraging victims to get help, especially since attitudes have improved.

鈥淭he good news is, we鈥檝e provided a lot more avenues of escape for women 鈥� shelters, services, programs, advocates,鈥� he says. 鈥淭he police and the courts generally take a firmer approach than they did 40 years ago.鈥�

Adds Gelles: 鈥淭here was a judge in Boston years ago who, when a woman was bringing charges against her husband for battering her, in the course of her testimony she got fairly shrill, and the judge actually leaned over the bench and said to the husband, 鈥業 guess if I were married to her, I鈥檇 have done the same thing.鈥櫬� And you know, he stayed on the bench.鈥�