海角大神

Who knew that John Kerry was a stand-up comedian?

When the Democratic senator from Massachusetts ran for president in 2004, he was panned as stiff and pompous. But in Charlotte, N.C., Thursday night at the Democratic convention, the man who may be the next secretary of State reeled off a string of one-liners that had the delegates roaring and reporters wide-eyed.

Other Democrats, including President Obama, also got off some good lines. Here鈥檚 a selection:

鈥� 鈥淎sk Osama bin Laden if he鈥檚 better off now than he was four years ago,鈥� Senator Kerry said. The line was a three-fer: It mocked the now-deceased head of Al Qaeda. It reminded the audience that bin Laden is dead, a national security coup no one can take away from Mr. Obama. And it made light of the Republican charge that Americans are not better off than they were four years ago.

鈥� 鈥淭alk about being for it before you were against it,鈥� Kerry also said. This one鈥檚 a two-fer: He was making fun of Mitt Romney鈥檚 shifting positions on Iraq and Libya, and then mocking himself for his infamous comment from the 2004 race when he was tagged (like Mr. Romney) as a flip-flopper.

鈥� 鈥淔or Mitt Romney, an overseas trip is what you call it when you trip all over yourself overseas. It wasn't a goodwill mission 鈥� it was a blooper reel.鈥� More Kerry, referring to Romney鈥檚 gaffe-marred foreign trip in July, when, for example, he undiplomatically told the British he was worried about security during the forthcoming Olympics.

鈥� 鈥淵es, you do have to go to school in the morning,鈥� Obama said of his two girls, who were seated before him on the convention floor. Obama mentions Malia (14) and Sasha (11) regularly, an effective way to address his tendency to seem aloof.

鈥� 鈥淚f you're sick of hearing me approve this message, believe me, so am I,鈥� Obama said. He was referring to the line candidates are required to cite in campaign ads they pay for. It was also a dig at the Supreme Court ruling Citizens United that has opened the floodgates on campaign spending and ads.

鈥� 鈥淎s another president once said, 'There they go again,' 鈥� former President Bill Clinton said Wednesday night. Paraphrasing the late Ronald Reagan, he was mocking Republican proposals to cut spending on social programs but increase spending on defense.

鈥� 鈥淧eople have predicted our demise ever since George Washington was criticized for being a mediocre surveyor with a bad set of wooden false teeth.鈥� More Clinton.

鈥� 鈥淗e loves our cars so much, they even have their own elevator,鈥� said Jennifer Granholm, the former governor of Romney鈥檚 native state of Michigan, in an arm-waving, cheerleading tour de force.聽Who says women can鈥檛 be funny?

鈥� 鈥淚n Romney鈥檚 world, the cars get the elevator, and the workers get the shaft,鈥� more ex-Governor Granholm, who spoke Thursday night. She was referring to the car elevator once proposed for Romney鈥檚 home in California. Now, safe to say, that elevator will never be built.