海角大神

When I wake up in the morning, I do not yawn and stretch leisurely, plod down to the kitchen, grind a whole-bean artisanal roast, and crack open the morning paper. Nor do I stand by the window, steaming mug in hand, while I ponder birdsong and the wonder of another day on this blue marble floating in infinity.

That鈥檚 because I have twin babies, a kindergartner, and a second grader. My mornings are spent in a pressurized stress tornado of breakfast-making, diaper-changing, snack-assembling, bottle-warming, lunch-packing, teeth-brushing, cowlick-taming, sock-finding, car seat-strapping, and van-driving.聽

Provided I make it out the door intact, there鈥檚 still the unrelenting traffic of the Washington metropolitan area, uncooperative traffic lights, and grumpy, horn-happy drivers to contend with. It鈥檚 tough out there, folks.聽

That鈥檚 why I need classical music. When I fire up the Odyssey and pull out of the driveway to drop off the kids at school, I go into my classical music cocoon. The reason is simple: It is difficult to feel harried when you are listening to a harp.聽

But what started as a survival technique has led to a genuine appreciation for the beauty of this musical genre.聽

Not all classical music does it for me; standouts include Bach, Chopin, Rachmaninoff, and Copland. Also, I鈥檓 a sucker for a harpsichord.聽

From time to time, I ask my second grader and kindergartner if they like classical music. They don鈥檛. But here鈥檚 the thing: When I play it in the mornings, they are silent 鈥� content, even. Classical music appears to have a quieting effect on young, school-age kids.聽

Despite my newfound appreciation, I understand why classical music hasn鈥檛 exactly taken off with the younger generations.聽

First, none of these guys are on TikTok. (Don鈥檛 waste your time 鈥� I checked.)

Also, let鈥檚 say you hear a soaring piece that lifts your soul and renews your spirit. That鈥檚 terrific, but there鈥檚 no chance you鈥檙e going to remember what it was called. That鈥檚 because the titles of most classical music pieces run about a paragraph long and sound like World War II military codes.聽

To name just a few, there鈥檚 Bach鈥檚 Brandenburg Concerto No. 4 in G major, BWV 1049: II (Andante); Chopin鈥檚 12 脡tudes, Op. 10: No. 4 in C sharp minor; and Rachmaninoff鈥檚 Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, Op. 18: I (Moderato).聽

You鈥檇 need a stenographer riding shotgun to catch all that. May I suggest 鈥淪unny Day鈥�?聽

It is also very hard to make classical music sound cool. Kendrick Lamar rides the beat and spits fire; the Foo Fighters shred and melt faces; Bach plays the harpsichord in stockings and a powdered wig. I suppose you could try saying, 鈥淐rank that J. Bizzle, he harpin鈥�.鈥� But it doesn鈥檛 quite have the same ring to it.

Also, classical music never has any cool collaborations. There鈥檚 no Bach Concerto No. 4 featuring Post Malone, and to the best of my knowledge Mozart has never featured Bad Bunny. It鈥檚 like these guys have never heard of Shaboozey.聽

But in the grand scheme of things, these are minor shortcomings.聽

Classical music has made my mornings calmer and more enjoyable, especially when we鈥檙e racing to school and dodging distracted drivers.聽

Consider this: It鈥檚 morning rush hour. You鈥檙e at one of those interminable red lights. It turns green! Everyone floors it. Everyone, that is, except the car in front of you. You honk. That polite, short-burst honk. Nothing. Now everyone held up behind you is honking. You lay it on thick. Finally, he moves. His engine roars to life, his car jerks forward, and he speeds through the light just in time.聽

Guess what? You didn鈥檛 make it.聽

You despise this man. Now, normally, your anger would boil, but Bach鈥檚 鈥淛esu, Joy of Man鈥檚 Desiring鈥� floats melodically in the background. You smile. It鈥檚 gonna be all right.聽

So for all of you stressed and discombobulated drivers out there, consider giving classical a try during your morning drop-off or commute. It might not take at first; give it a couple of weeks.

And do me a favor? Crank that J. Bizzle. He harpin鈥�.聽