海角大神

I聽learned a lesson recently that you鈥檙e never too old to learn and you鈥檙e never too young to teach. This is a story about me, my 10-year-old son, and basketball.聽

My son plays for the local Boys & Girls Club basketball team. Every Wednesday, dressed in their shorts and jerseys, he and his peers run sprints, do layup drills, and practice playing defense. And each time he hits the courts, he鈥檚 eager to play, hoping to show me that he has skills like Michael Jordan, is agile like LeBron James, and can shoot like Steph Curry. He knows that basketball is my favorite sport and that when I was in middle school, I played for a local Police Athletic League team in Philadelphia.聽

His team is a mixed bag of talent. Some kids can dribble, shoot, and pass better than others. Some are more aggressive and want to shoot every shot. For this age group, referees call traveling and double dribble, which frustrates some kids who are still learning. They get moody and give up on plays when teammates don鈥檛 pass them the ball. My son has a good coach, who emphasizes sharing, teamwork, and working together.

This season, all was fun and games until my expectations took over. I wanted my son to be an all-star player. In my head, I had visions of him scoring buckets like Jordan, playing defense like Scottie Pippen, and grabbing rebounds like Wilt Chamberlain or Dennis Rodman. My son doesn鈥檛 even know who most of these players are, but there I was thinking that he could play like them when he was still learning the game.

During one game that my wife and I attended, I was behaving like every other parent on the bleachers: spiritedly yelling out commands for him to follow. It wasn鈥檛 a great game for him, and it got so bad on one play that he looked at me after making a mistake, shot his hands in the air confused about what I wanted him to do, and looked like he wanted to cry.聽

I felt just like I looked after that game: like an overbearing dad being too hard on his boy. I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself partly for behaving that way, but more so for injuring my son in his pursuit of fun and games.

I lay in bed that night and told my wife that I felt so terrible about my behavior that I was considering not attending his games because I was a negative presence and distraction. She helped me calm down and see the situation differently. She also gave me tips on how to do better and how to be his cheerleader without being so hard on him. (Can I say how thankful I am to have her as my wife and the mother of our children?)聽

I still felt like I needed a timeout and told my son that I wouldn鈥檛 attend his next couple of games. He was OK with that, and after each of the next two games that I missed, he returned home smiling with tales about his team鈥檚 victory.

I apologized to him for my behavior and asked him for permission to come watch him play his remaining games. He let me. That timeout was worth it. Two games in, I watched my son score his first basket in a game. The way I screamed you would have thought I was in the audience when Jordan hit the game-winning shot of his second 鈥渢hree-peat鈥� in 1998. My son looked up at me and smiled, and then ran back on defense. His team won the game. I was ecstatic.

I gave him a high-five and hugged him after the game. I texted my friends about his accomplishment and showered him with compliments, and we celebrated his victory the entire day.聽

I opened up and shared with him that I wasn鈥檛 as confident as he is when I was his age. I want him to remain confident in the face of screaming lunatics like me when he messes up, or when teammates get upset if he misses shots. It鈥檚 important for that trait to travel through life with him, because life won鈥檛 always be easy.聽

I learned that my big mouth, fears, and expectations put unnecessary pressure and anxiety on my innocent boy. And I learned that I could take a lesson from him on how to forgive someone, and how to show up in a way that helps, rather than hurts. In the game of parenting, our kids can sometimes call foul. Thankfully, I was able to rebound.