海角大神

It鈥檚 been a bang-up week. With four children of driving age, you expect to take a few hits now and then. But four hits in seven days?

It鈥檚 a perfect storm of car calamity: two half-totals, one transmission failure, and one towing. Only our youngest, Juliana, remains an island of sanity in a sea of automotive chaos. But then, she鈥檚 only 6. 聽

Our son, Calvin, flush with the cockiness of a new learner鈥檚 permit, crashed into a curb, causing thousands of dollars in damage to our formerly best car.

鈥淚 keep replaying it in my mind,鈥� he says, eliciting maternal sympathy ... that evaporated with his next statement. 鈥淚 still can鈥檛 figure out what happened.鈥� 聽

My husband, Craig, desperate to keep our insurance premium lower than our mortgage, says we need to 鈥渦nreport鈥� our son鈥檚 accident and pay the repairs out of pocket. 鈥淲e can鈥檛 afford for our rates to go up again,鈥� he says. 鈥淥r worse, for them to drop us. We鈥檝e had three accidents this year.鈥� He sighs, 鈥淛ust be glad Juliana doesn鈥檛 drive yet.鈥�

Our son鈥檚 crackup was the opening salvo in this automotive total war. Sherman Marched to the Sea; we are Slouching to the Shop.聽

Eighteen-year-old Caroline鈥檚 12-year-old Toyota is boycotting reverse gear. We鈥檒l probably sell it 鈥渁s is,鈥� or assign it to my husband. He doesn鈥檛 have to聽parallel-park, and is strong enough to push it out of any parking spot.

My vehicle, a new-to-us Toyota with 200,000 miles, became Caroline鈥檚 car of choice. But while staying at a friend鈥檚 apartment downtown, she overslept and the city towed the Toyota.

The city hauls cars to the Cosmic Black Hole Impound Lot, and if you鈥檙e fortunate enough to find your vehicle, it鈥檚 usually sprouted dings and dents. Aided by her friend鈥檚 mother (her own was too grumpy), Caroline retrieved my Toyota, $200 poorer.

Melissa presented the pi猫ce de r茅sistance, sideswiping a wall in a downtown parking garage after work, smashing the bumper and a front fender. She called her father in tears.聽

鈥淚 must have misjudged the distance,鈥� she cried. 鈥淭he metal is rubbing against the tire. Should I call the insurance company to have it towed?鈥�

鈥淣o!鈥� he exclaimed. He hurried downtown and hammered out the bumper. So now, except for the dented front end and the preexisting hole in the muffler, it鈥檚 in pretty good shape.

Fine automobiles run in the family. Rebecca, well heeled from her minimum-wage job at Starbucks, can鈥檛 afford the car our neighbor gave her. It needed a new head gasket, windshield, tires, brakes, and a radiator to pass inspection. And 鈥� whoops! The whole engine block is warped! 鈥� a new engine, hoses, and water pump. It now lacks only a speedometer and air conditioning.

鈥淚 don鈥檛 really need air conditioning,鈥� Rebecca says stoically, 鈥渁nd I can guess how fast I鈥檓 going.鈥� 聽

Great, hon. Just tell it to the cops.

I can barely keep up with our motoring musical chairs: Rebecca drives our neighbor鈥檚 old car, Melissa drives Craig鈥檚 old Honda, Caroline drives my old Toyota, Craig temporarily drives a Rent-A-Wreck, and Calvin begs to drive anything. This leaves me Juliana鈥檚 Big Wheel. What鈥檚 next? Craig on a unicycle, juggling his briefcase and travel mug?

I recently received a blistering email from my mother that read, 鈥淎ny car that cannot go in reverse is a menace to the driver and everyone else. Get rid of it! Please stop buying these heaps!鈥�

Although we鈥檙e two聽graduate-degreed working adults, our cars are barely above the bucket-o鈥�-bolts category. Our money is otherwise engaged in paying multiple college tuitions to produce well-educated Starbucks baristas.

We try to take these minor setbacks in stride. Jesus said not to worry about having food to eat and clothes to wear. But he walked everywhere, even on water, which is not an option for us.

If we can make it through the next few years, we鈥檒l have a breather before Juliana starts driving. At this rate, we might face retirement armed only with debt 鈥� and a couple of used cars.聽