海角大神

鈥淚 must have done something right,鈥� the father of a 19-year-old young lady was telling me after having fixed my troublesome garage door.

Although his daughter had drifted a bit during her early teen years, she was now coming over to her parents鈥� house on the weekends and was genuinely enjoying spending time with her parents again.

The repairman鈥檚 eyes lit up when he talked about the renewed relationship with his daughter. He seemed relieved about how things had turned out.

鈥淚 must have done something right,鈥� he had said a few minutes earlier.

My oldest daughter is 10. I don鈥檛 want to wait nine years to know whether or not I鈥檝e done something right. Because now is when I need to hear it.

Now 鈥� when I am in smack dab in the middle of raising her.

Now 鈥� when I feel the pressure to examine every choice I make, wondering how these choices will affect her now and in the future.

Now 鈥� when I want to trust my gut and live by heart rather than simply go along with mainstream opinion or 鈥渆xpert鈥� advice.

Now 鈥� when I need little glimmers of hope to cling to each day.

So I decided not to wait.

Each day for the past couple of weeks, I鈥檝e been looking for a little rightness鈥攁 little what-is-right-in-my-world.

Notice I say 鈥渁 little.鈥� What I am talking about is practically unnoticeable. It鈥檚 hardly noteworthy. And it鈥檚 definitely not anything worthy of public sharing 鈥� at least not according to societal standards. But that鈥檚 why it鈥檚 working for me. That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 encouraging to me. Because looking for what is right in my world 鈥� in my day 鈥� in my hour 鈥� is far more encouraging than looking for what is 鈥渞ight鈥� in my world according to social media, societal standards, or popular opinion.

I invite you to take a look. Maybe this list will inspire you to see what is right in your world today.

Right in my World

I took her to the 鈥渇ree鈥� cake decorating class even though I knew nothing is truly free.
听I took her to try on jeans. Lots of jeans.
听I took a deep breath when I felt like I might explode.
听She took my hand as we walked across the parking lot and left it there a good long while.

I鈥檓 doing something right.

I gave her a backrub when the couch was calling my name.
听I gave her a second chance and she used it for good.
听I gave her some help cleaning up that disaster of a room.
听She gave me a happy-to-see-you-smile when I came to pick her up.

I鈥檓 doing something right.

I sacrificed sleep so she didn鈥檛 have to suffer in the bathroom alone.
听I sacrificed my socks because her feet were cold.
听I sacrificed a golden opportunity so she could see my face in the audience.
听She sacrificed a bite of her ice cream cone without telling me, 鈥淣ot too much, Mom.鈥�

I鈥檓 doing something right.

I offered to be her excuse if she wanted to leave the party early.
听I offered to walk beside her if she needed company.
听I offered to stay up and listen awhile.
听She offered heartfelt forgiveness when I admitted I messed up.

I鈥檓 doing something right.

I encouraged her to try.
听I encouraged her to see beyond her outer surface.
听I encouraged her to use her voice even if it trembled.
听She encouraged me to let down my hair and have some fun鈥攁nd we laughed 鈥榯il we cried.

I am doing something right.

I brushed away the nightmares.
听I brushed her hair softly despite our rush to get out the door.
听I brushed up on my tech lingo so I could keep up.
听She brushed past, but then came back for a hug.

I am doing something right.

I let go of yesterday鈥檚 disaster and chose to live in today.
听I let go of the to-do鈥檚 and accepted her 鈥渃ome and look at this鈥� invitation.
听I let go of the need to control.
听She let go and began to soar.

I鈥檓 doing something right.
听I鈥檓 doing something right.
听I鈥檓 doing something right.听

听Tomorrow, I will try a little more.

So that is my list of what鈥檚 going right in my world these days. What I see as 鈥渞ight鈥� now may not lead to society鈥檚 definition of 鈥測ou did something right鈥� later. These small signs of success certainly don鈥檛 point to future scholarships, academic or athletic achievement, power, fortune, or fame, but they do point to what really matters. I see signs that she is a kind and caring individual, that she is discovering her voice, that she is making wise choices and when she doesn鈥檛, she owns her mistakes, that she鈥檚 taking risks, and finding she鈥檚 okay even when her attempts don鈥檛 work out as planned.

But there is more.

I have discovered something about my list of 鈥渞ights鈥� that relieves a lot of the pressure I often put on myself. And that is this: perhaps even on the days I don鈥檛 get it right, my child is still learning valuable lessons about life, persistence, determination, independence, failure, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. Maybe even when I am not getting it 鈥渞ight,鈥� it doesn鈥檛 mean she鈥檚 going to turn out all wrong.

[Insert collective sigh of relief here.]

My daughter still has a long way until age 19, but yet with each passing day, I feel her getting older. The hugs don鈥檛 come as often. She doesn鈥檛 need me as much as she did before. But every once in awhile, she鈥檒l walk up and just lean against me without saying a word.

And I take it 鈥� I take that rare opportunity to wrap my arms around her and revel in that divine moment of rightness,听where there is no future or past, where my mistakes and her blunders fall away, where we hold each other and know everything鈥檚 going to be OK.

Because in that sacred moment, we know we don鈥檛 always have to get it right, me or her.

And yet, all is right in our world.

海角大神 has assembled a diverse group of the best family and parenting bloggers out there. Our contributing and guest bloggers are not employed or directed by the Monitor, and the views expressed are the bloggers' own, as is responsibility for the content of their blogs.听Rachel听Stafford听blogs at听www.handsfreemama.com.