海角大神

It鈥檚 science fair season at elementary schools around the nation聽and while parents may be tempted to rush in and take over the project to "help" their kids, they should resist or risk losses far greater than a first place finish.聽

For the last 10 years (about the time my oldest son reached science fair age) I have watched parents lose their minds because they were less concerned with how the official would judge their child鈥檚 project than how other parents would score them.

Long before the officials check out the projects, parents are unconsciously judging themselves and their parenting against others based on how good their own child鈥檚 project looks.

During my own elementary school days, I was always the kid running into the gym or cafeteria where the fair was setting up at the last minute with three cups of dirt containing the beans I forgot to plant months earlier and a ratty piece of poster board with hand written information that slanted up to the right like a cursive mountain.

At age 7, I experienced the humiliation of forgetting my science project completely and having my dad swoop in聽and take it over in the final hours before it was due. Thanks to his skills it looked like a Wall Street boardroom presentation, and I was disqualified.

Therefore, I tend to be hands-off with my sons鈥� projects as much as possible.

When my son Quin, 10, needed to cut a piece of wood into a triangle for his science fair display, my husband helped him cut it safely.

I was so worried Quin would be disqualified for that I finally stepped in and asked him to inform the teacher and judges that his dad had cut the piece.

His project poster now has a materials list that reads: 鈥�3 mirrors (the Dollar Store), poster board, 30-inch piece of wood, screws, yard stick, cool patterned duct tape, and 1 father.鈥�

鈥淢easure a 90-degree triangle and draw it on the wood. Then, this is where you need to use your dad to cut the wood to make a triangle,鈥� Quin added to the procedures section of the poster.

For me, parenting is my life-long science project involving two species: what I will consider the proverbial 鈥渁nt鈥� parents and 鈥済rasshopper鈥� parents.

Here鈥檚 a breakdown of my two-point hypothesis for the experiment I have been conducting over the past 20 years:聽

1. 鈥淎nt鈥� parents have 鈥済rasshopper鈥� kids (and vice versa).聽

2. It ALWAYS rains on science fair project delivery day.

By nature I was born a 鈥済rasshopper,鈥� and it so happens I married another 鈥済rasshopper鈥� like myself.聽Then came the four variables in the experiment, our sons, now ages 20, 18, 14, and 10.

Becoming a mom taught me how to cheat my 鈥済rasshopper鈥� roots and at least act like an 鈥渁nt鈥� organizationally. It also taught me how to lift 100 times my base intellect in problem solving.

Over the years my hypothesis has been largely proven correct. All four of my sons exhibit primarily 鈥渁nt鈥� qualities. Son #1 was born an 鈥渁nt.鈥� Son #2 fooled us until college by acting like a 鈥済rasshopper鈥� who tested my ability to help him fix anything in under 24 hours. But he morphed into a "fire ant,鈥� devouring his work freshman year of college. Son #3 is an all-out 鈥渁nt鈥� never missing a project deadline. Son #4 has Aspergers Syndrome and can only survive in an organization-rich environment. He鈥檚 my 鈥淪uper Ant.鈥�

The one true constant that has happened each and every time one of my kids had a project to bring to school, especially on science fair day 鈥� it rained.聽Today is Quin鈥檚 science fair deadline and it鈥檚 teeming out there.

I admire my "ant" sons and those like them. I always wanted to be a planner. I tried but it seems the only deadlines I am capable of making are those that involve writing.

Over the years I have watched 鈥渁nt鈥� parents in admiration as they swarm into the school auditorium on science fair project delivery day in neat, organized, confident, and of course wet (from the annual downpour) lines.

I have also seen many an 鈥渁nt鈥� parent go into Tiger Mom mode berating their kids for lack of planning and then go all Martha Stewart on the project posters.

Male 鈥渁nts鈥� (and even some 鈥済rasshopper鈥� dads) I know head right into the Jack Bauer zone, shouting the classic line from the TC drama 鈥�24,鈥� 鈥淲e鈥檙e running out of time!鈥� as they push kids to complete projects faster, better, smarter etc.

As I looked around the room at all the other tri-fold posters I wondered if Galileo鈥檚 parents or Einstein鈥檚 ever took over their school projects, or if that鈥檚 just a new school development.

If the parents of the great scientists did butt in, did it help or hinder the final product?

The rule of thumb for project intervention should be to step in and help if it means protecting the child from losing a digit, but only the kind that you put gloves on and not the ones on a score sheet.