海角大神

It鈥檚 been a bit of a month for etiquette lessons.听

Most recently we had the story of a group of noisy 10-year-olds in a Washington State movie theater... and the adult man who punched one of them out. But that's hardly all. Look back through May and there has been a full wave of public, not-so-nice comments about everyone from Bollywood starlet Aishwarya Rai (too fat post pregnancy?) to 鈥渢anning mom,鈥� Patricia Krentcil (too tanned?) to Jamie Lynne Grumet, who posed breastfeeding her 3-year-old son on the cover of Time Magazine (too... too?).

Then there was that 6-year-old boy suspended from school for singing LMFAO lyrics 鈥� a sign, one might argue, of a culture so rude that an unsuspecting elementary school student is penalized for mimicking it.

And of course there's the good old presidential campaign. Nothing but manners there.

So, with this barrage of public rudeness, the sort that includes a healthy dose of being uncharitable to others, what鈥檚 an etiquette-minded parent to do?

No, it鈥檚 not time to double down on the which-fork-goes-where thing, says Elena Neitlich, owner of the company Etiquette Moms, which runs etiquette training courses and certification classes across the country with a specialty in children鈥檚 and teen manners.

鈥淧eople get confused about what etiquette really is,鈥� she says.听 鈥淚 believe etiquette is about how we respect others, how we respect ourselves and how we value others. Our integrity. And I always throw in compassion.鈥�

That鈥檚 a little trickier than convincing your 10-year-old to put his napkin in his lap.

But Ms. Neitlich says it鈥檚 quite doable. The catch, parents, is that it starts with us.

鈥淚 think parents are very concerned these days about appearance. They think their kids are a little sloppier than they used to be, they think their kids are more sexualized than they used to be. [The parents] worry about a lack of honorifics 鈥� that the 68-year-old woman next door is 'Jean鈥� rather than 鈥楳s.鈥� or 鈥楳rs.鈥�... I think parents are concerned about what kids are being exposed to on TV. And there鈥檚 a lot of concern around sports figures. There鈥檚 been a rash of really bad sportsmanship 鈥� it鈥檚 almost normalized.鈥�

But in addressing all of these worries, and others, the solution comes down to modeling good manners, she says.

This includes:

Giving others the benefit of the doubt.

鈥淧eople are not out to get one another,鈥� she says. 鈥淨uite the opposite; we鈥檙e all pretty good inside.鈥澨�

That woman who left her shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle?听 Probably not specifically trying to block you. That driver who didn鈥檛 have his turn-signal on?听 Probably not trying to be a jerk. That 6-year-old boy singing 鈥淚鈥檓 sexy and I know it?鈥� Probably not intending harassment.

Wait a moment before responding.

So the next time a car full of teenagers cuts you off as you鈥檙e driving your child home from school?听 Don鈥檛 gesture. Don鈥檛 even swear in the car. Take a deep breath and wonder what you鈥檙e about to model to your kids.听

鈥淵ou can even say, 鈥榊ou know, there was a time when I might have responded in a different way to this.鈥� 鈥� Neitlich says.

Model healthy ways of giving and receiving feedback.

That includes showing respect. Ie, the opposite of what many kids see if they look through Facebook or the comments on blogs and news stories online.

And, our favorite over here at Modern Parenthood, model the polite usage of technology.听

If you text throughout your daughter鈥檚 soccer match or your son鈥檚 school play, it鈥檚 sort of hard to fault them for texting while you鈥檙e trying to engage them in conversation. If you let the phone interrupt you at dinner, or when you鈥檙e taking a walk with the family, then you鈥檙e teaching the lesson that others don鈥檛 deserve your full attention and respect.

And of course, you can always add table manners, too.