海角大神

I told my son to hit him hard and fast.

鈥淎im for the nose,鈥� I said. 鈥淚t will make him cry. He鈥檒l bleed -- a lot. Then hit him again. Harder. If you get in trouble with the school, don鈥檛 worry. You won鈥檛 be in trouble at home.鈥�

My son always said no. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 want to hurt anybody. It鈥檚 not who I am.鈥�

Each day for endless months my son came home from seventh grade with stories about the boy. How he humiliated my son in front of the class with a clever putdown or a quick smack when the teacher turned her back. At first my son鈥檚 friends laughed it off. Then they turned primal and wouldn鈥檛 let him sit at their lunch table. I was enraged, my son was stunned and becoming glummer by the day. Hit him, I pleaded, wishing I could somehow inhabit my son鈥檚 body and do it myself. My son always said no.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 not who I am,鈥� he said. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e only making it worse.鈥�

The turning point came one day in the locker room when the boy looked at my son as they changed and said, 鈥淚 dreamed I [hurt] you.鈥� [Editor's note: The original version of this quote was edited to remove a graphic description of the specific threat.]

I didn鈥檛 trust the principal to help and my son didn鈥檛 trust me; I called the police instead.

The officer showed up at the school, but the principal met him at the office. He told the cop it was his school, he would handle it. The principal called my son and the boy down to office over the public address system for the whole school to hear. Everything became instantly worse. When I found out, I called the principal.

He said he brought them into his office and told both of them to stop or else.

鈥淚f there are any more problems,鈥� the principal said, 鈥渃all me and I鈥檒l take care of it.鈥�

Months of fury and impotence and hurt that I couldn鈥檛 direct at the boy swelled within me. I was grateful there was a phone line between the principal and me, and not something so flimsy as a desk. 鈥淲hy would I call you?鈥� I said. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e useless to me.鈥�

That night, the officer called my son and listened to him awhile. In the morning, he bypassed the principal and headed straight for my son鈥檚 class, taking a seat next to him and near the boy. He told the boy my son was his friend and he didn鈥檛 want anyone bothering him. The cop told the boy he could be his friend, too, but the boy didn鈥檛 say much of anything.

鈥淎fter that,鈥� my son said, 鈥淚 asked him if he wanted to be partners in English.鈥�

鈥淲hy?鈥� I cried.

聽鈥淢om,鈥� said my son, 鈥淚 heard he has problems at home. I couldn鈥檛 hurt him more than that. It鈥檚 not who I am. Don鈥檛 you understand?鈥�

Finally, I did.