海角大神

Unless you鈥檝e been living under a stack of rocks, you鈥檝e spotted the news that Disney bought Lucasfilm Ltd., 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� creator George Lucas鈥檚 production company and is planning on releasing a new trilogy of 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� movies, if not more.

I am less than happy about this, and my devotion to the 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� film franchise may best be measured by the fact that I considered buying a 鈥淕reedo shot first鈥� shirt to wear to bed. I may still ask for it for Christmas. (The line refers to a fan argument about a plot point in the updated version of the first "Star Wars" film.)

I don鈥檛 know when I first saw the original 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� trilogy, but I assume it was when I was very little. Whatever age we were when we first saw the movies, my sister and I were young enough that I distinctly remember my mother consoling my sister, who was aghast that one of the teddy bear-like Ewoks seemed to have bit the dust, and telling her that the Ewok was 鈥渙nly sleeping.鈥� It wasn鈥檛.

In any case, I went to go see 鈥淧hantom Menace鈥� in theaters when it came out and wish I remembered the cultural phenomenon that must have surrounded it. It was a new 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� movie when fans still kind of trusted George Lucas. It was the origin story of Darth Vader, a premise that does sound fairly promising on paper. Obi-Wan was back 鈥� Liam Neeson, a respected actor, was on board as a new Jedi 鈥� and everything sounded great.

Well, one Jar Jar Binks later (an annoying aquatic creature with strange speech patterns, for the uninitiated) and the future-Darth Vader shouting 鈥淵ippee!鈥� a few too many times, fans were distinctly unimpressed. But hey, a new actor was coming on board as Anakin Skywalker, a.k.a. future-Vader, for the next movie, so maybe this thing could be saved.

Long story short: it couldn鈥檛. Anakin was whiny in 鈥淪tar Wars: Episode II 鈥� Attack of the Clones鈥� and 鈥淪tar Wars: Episode III 鈥� Revenge of the Sith,鈥� the final two films in the prequel trilogy. While the trilogy had a couple of good points 鈥� Ewan McGregor, playing the younger version of Alec Guinness鈥� Obi-Wan Kenobi, was uncannily good at imitating the older actor鈥檚 speech patterns and did as much as he could to save the movies 鈥� the three movies were, overall, a snooze.

Part of the problem with them, at least in my mind, was too many callbacks to the older films. Yes, we all love C-3PO and R2D2, protagonist Luke Skywalker鈥檚 robot sidekicks in the first three films. Did they need to be shoehorned into every important event in the prequel trilogy, though? No. Some are okay 鈥� seeing a younger version of the villain Jabba the Hutt before the 鈥淧hantom Menace鈥� podrace isn鈥檛 terribly distracting. But throwing in old characters and references to the future films all over the place gets old and doesn鈥檛 let the new story you鈥檙e trying to build grow on its own.

(Also, George Lucas needs to reread his own scripts, because in 鈥淩eturn of the Jedi,鈥� Leia says she remembers her mother, something that one would assume to be impossible if her mother died minutes after giving birth to her. But I digress.)

The extent to which the prequel trilogy relied on the beloved older films is precisely what gave me a spark of hope (a New Hope, if you will. Sorry.) when I heard the news about the upcoming movies.

While some fan sites speculated that the new movies would be based on stories already tackled in the novels written about the 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� universe after 鈥淩eturn of the Jedi,鈥� E! News said a Lucasfilm source told them that the plotline of the new movies would be 鈥渙riginal.鈥� E! writer Leslie Gornstein writes that according to her source, the new films 鈥渨ill literally be nothing you've ever seen or read before from the Star Wars 耻苍颈惫别谤蝉别.鈥�

So, one would assume, that means no Luke. No Han Solo. No Princess Leia. No Mara Jade (the assassin Luke falls in love with and marries in the novels, in case you were wondering). It sounds like it would be all-new characters, an all-new plotline.

Get a good director like Joss Whedon or J.J. Abrams behind the camera, take the time to work out a good, imaginative plot that isn鈥檛 retreading what you鈥檝e done for the last six films, and this could be鈥� not terrible.

My preference, of course, would be for everyone to drop the 鈥淪tar Wars鈥� property and back away slowly and leave fans, including me, with the memories of the fantastic first three films (and let them try to forget the last three). But if you have to make another three movies鈥� there are worse ways to do it.