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Is it a good idea to combine finances with your partner?

Deciding to merge your money isn鈥檛 just moving cash around. It also means choosing to trust your partner completely with your finances.

鈥淎sk Brianna鈥� is a Q&A column for 20-somethings, or anyone else starting out. I鈥檓 here to help you manage your money, find a job and pay off student loans 鈥� all the real-world stuff no one taught us how to do in college. Send your questions about postgrad life to聽askbrianna@nerdwallet.com.

This week鈥檚 question:

鈥淚 live with my boyfriend, and we鈥檙e considering combining our finances. Is that a good idea?鈥�

I know it鈥檚 annoying for an advice columnist to say, 鈥渋t depends,鈥� but, it depends. If you鈥檙e 23 and you鈥檝e been dating for three months, I鈥檇 put on my mom hat and say that you should wait until you and your partner have been together longer before you combine finances. If you鈥檙e 28 and you鈥檝e been together three years, I鈥檇 be less inclined to run over and grab the shared debit card out of your hand.

Combining finances involves setting up joint checking and savings accounts, applying for a shared credit card, and potentially helping each other pay off student loan or existing credit card debt.

But deciding to merge your money isn鈥檛 just moving cash around. It also means choosing to trust your partner completely with your finances. You need to know that there won鈥檛 be any impulse motorcycle purchases or secret wine club memberships. You must have a clear understanding of each other鈥檚 current financial circumstances, future goals and spending habits, which doesn鈥檛 happen overnight.

Let鈥檚 say you鈥檙e in your late 20s, you live with your partner and you鈥檙e planning for a future together (basically, you鈥檙e saving engagement rings to Pinterest). Living together before marriage is more common than ever. Among adults ages 25 to 34, 14.9 percent of men and 14.3 percent of women lived with an unmarried partner in 2015, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Those numbers have nearly doubled since 2000 and nearly tripled since 1990.

Step 1:聽Have the money talk

After moving in, many couples consider combining finances, but it鈥檚 not strictly necessary. If you want to merge your money, you should have an open, honest and low-pressure聽, in which you lay out all your current and past financial information. Share your income 鈥� how much you earn annually and how much hits your bank account each pay period 鈥� and your debt, credit scores, savings, investments and financial goals. Set a specific day and time to have this chat, and pick a spot where you feel relaxed and focused.

聽is hard. You or your partner might feel embarrassed or ashamed about your financial history. But you can treat this initial discussion as an opportunity to make a clean start and to prevent money from being a big, scary monster in your relationship. You鈥檒l be doing each other a favor: In a聽published in the journal Family Relations, researchers found that money wasn鈥檛 the cause of the most fights among married couples 鈥� children and chores topped the list 鈥� but arguments about money matters were the most pervasive and problematic over time.

Step 2: Decide how to聽join your finances

So when you鈥檝e checked off the boxes and you鈥檙e ready to merge finances, how do you do it? You can keep your accounts separate, except for a shared savings account for a down payment on a house or to pay for the wedding to which each partner contributes monthly. Or you can open a joint checking account from which you pay rent and household bills and maintain your own savings.

Rachel Rabinovich, a certified financial planner at the Brookline, Massachusetts-based Society of Grownups, which offers financial advice to 20- and 30-somethings, says she鈥檚 also seen couples assign particular savings goals to one person (you save for the house, your partner saves for the wedding), which helps each feel ownership. Helping a partner pay down debt if you鈥檙e not married is risky, because you won鈥檛 have many options to recoup that money if you break up.

When you鈥檙e married, deciding on a tactic might be easier. Some financial advisers recommend the whole-hog approach of joining all your finances. It鈥檚 easier to track fewer accounts, and sharing is in line with the nature of a lifelong partnership.

鈥淔rom my perspective, when you鈥檙e married and you鈥檙e making a commitment to the person, I think it鈥檚 important to be transparent in everything. And that includes the finances,鈥� says Chuck Donalies, a certified financial planner at Donalies Financial Planning in Washington, D.C. You also have legal rights if the relationship ends.

Joining finances with a partner is a big move that requires soul-searching and some difficult money discussions. When you mix love and money, the most crucial ingredient is trust.

Brianna McGurran is a staff writer at NerdWallet, a personal finance website. Email:聽bmcgurran@nerdwallet.com. Twitter:聽.

This article was written by and was originally published by The Associated Press.