海角大神

I鈥檓 scared. I got calls from my mom, my dad, my brother, my aunt and they all told me me pretty much the same thing: 鈥淒o you really understand what is going on? It is dangerous. There are going to be provocations. You can be arrested or injured. Do you understand that you can be fired?" (I work for a state-owned media company, in the entertainment sector.)

This rally was permitted by the Moscow government, but people still don鈥檛 believe that it is going to be safe. To be honest, I didn鈥檛 believe it myself, but I still told my parents: 鈥淵es, yes I understand all that but I am still going.鈥� Perhaps all the young people who decided to go to this meeting had similar dialogues with their families. Most of those who came out were in their 20s and 30s.

I decided to go not because I support any of the political parties. For the past 20 years, people have learned to be very skeptical about politicians. It's not because I believe that Putin will leave his post. I decided to go for myself. For my own right not to be ashamed of my principles and not to be ashamed of myself. Because I have my own opinion and I鈥檓 tired of hiding it.

I left home and caught a cab. 鈥淧lease take me to Bolotnaya square,鈥� I said. The driver refused to take money for the ride and was very supportive of my decision to go there. I received several messages聽on my Facebook page聽from my friends who work near Bolotnaya square. One from a jeweler. 鈥淐ome to our office when you get cold. It鈥檚 warm here, we have tea and a metal safe room where you can hide from the police :). 鈥� Another one from a designer. 鈥淎ll of my friends who are going to the meeting are welcome to come to our office to get warm and to drink tea with cookies.鈥�

People shared information on how to dress up for a meeting, how to behave themselves so as not to get into trouble, shared phone numbers for ambulances and lawyers who agreed to work for free in case someone was arrested. I discovered that I wasn鈥檛 scared of crowds anymore, I wasn鈥檛 scared of policemen. How can you be afraid of smiling faces? Even the policemen smiled sometimes. People were giving them flowers. One policeman with a rose in his hand showed it proudly to his colleagues, and then gently hid it. I said: 鈥淵ou look good with it.鈥� He looked a bit confused and then smiled. It felt like this poor boy in a uniform didn鈥檛 expect someone to treat him without aggression, to treat him nicely.

People displayed posters that said things like: 鈥�146% of Muscovites are for fair elections,鈥� 鈥淩epost-modernism鈥� (a hint that all the information about the rally was shared through blogs and social networks), 鈥淧lease don鈥檛 beat me I have two kids,鈥� and 鈥淕et the upper hand over evil by doing good deeds.鈥澛燱ell maybe聽you can get the upper hand over聽evil with a sense of humor too. It didn鈥檛 feel scary anymore. Even with hundreds of gunmen on the streets, it felt normal. Yes, it felt completly normal to show up and be a part of this crowd of smart, smiling and lovely people. To be part of it. Normal to be not scared anymore.

Perhaps I still don鈥檛 believe in politicians. And I don鈥檛 know whether they are going to release the thousand or so people who were arrested during the smaller protest meetings on Dec. 5th and 6th. But I believe in our people, and even in those ones who wear police uniforms. I believe that thousands of people can calm down the provocateurs, that they can solve their problems peacefully. I believe that they are learning to talk to each other and to care about each other.

I don鈥檛 know if something is going to change in politics, but I know that something changed in our minds. I know that in the past 20 years a new generation of people have grown up that are able to think themselves and want to have a choice. As for me鈥� I finally have hope in my heart.

(Natasha Germanovich is young Russian media professional who joined a protest for the first time in her life Saturday.)