The legacy of 'boys will be boys' on American life
| New York
When it comes to the proper behavior of its young men, American society has long maintained a not-so-subtle ambivalence about the way boys are supposed to grow up and develop into men.
Perhaps since the Victorian era, beneath the surface of accepted social values that would uphold a sober-minded code of behavior for its young men, many Americans also maintain a certain belief that the next generation of strong, masculine leaders need a time to explore their own testosterone and often alcohol-fueled wildness and aggression.
It鈥檚 an ambivalence that comes with a ready-made list of clich茅s: 鈥淏oys will be boys,鈥� boys need time to 鈥渟ow their wild oats,鈥� and, as expressed more recently, boys should have a private 鈥渓ocker room culture.鈥� And if many men in their formative teens and early 20s are loud, loutish, and sexually aggressive, the argument goes, much of it can be chalked up to 鈥測outhful indiscretions.鈥�
Why We Wrote This
Allegations of sexual misconduct against an individual have 鈥� over and over during the past year 鈥� led to questioning a culture in which many Americans believe young men need a time of wildness and aggression in order to grow into strong leaders.
As the FBI investigates this week allegations that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted and exposed himself to young women when he was of this formative age more than 30 years ago, many women have begun to zero in specifically on this cultural ambivalence, and the long-held double standard that often holds women to a very different code of behavior.
鈥淚t鈥檚 this kind of socialization that can make young men treat women in a similar way when they get older,鈥� says Celia Fisher, an ethicist at Fordham University in New York. 鈥淎nd it鈥檚 really emblematic of gender power inequities, because for any girl experiencing this culture, 鈥榶outhful indiscretions鈥� are only defined by the men in power and the boys in power.鈥�
鈥淭hey were never considered 鈥榶outhful indiscretions鈥� by the women who were the victims of this behavior, they were considered shameful and traumatizing,鈥� Professor Fisher continues. 鈥淎nd while these become 鈥榶outhful indiscretions鈥� for males, women were labeled as a tramp or a whore or whatever else the language was at that time.鈥�
Women have battled such male privilege and the double standards used against them for well over a century, historians say, beginning with the launch of the suffrage movement. In the early 20th century, women led the effort to bring a constitutional prohibition against alcohol, arguing that women suffered from the substance being widely abused by men. Later, Anita Hill鈥檚 accusations of sexual harassment riveted the nation during the confirmation hearings of Clarence Thomas in 1991, leading to 鈥淭he Year of the Woman鈥� and the election of a then-historic number women a year later.
For many women, however, the #MeToo era has ushered in a deeper shift in values simply because of the fact that women have embraced the moral power of their stories of abuse.
鈥淭here seems to have been a real shift,鈥� says Kristin Kobes Du Mez, a professor of history and gender studies at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Mich. 鈥淲hat was once silent and in the shadows and surrounded by fear 鈥� people are not keeping silent anymore.鈥�
鈥淎s they said at the hearing, bravery is contagious,鈥� says Professor Du Mez. 鈥淎nd I think there鈥檚 some real truth that is resonating with the women that I鈥檓 talking with, and it鈥檚 resonating with me. That is, if you see one woman put herself out there, you support her and you realize that you鈥檝e got stories to tell as well, and might be emboldened to do so now.鈥�
Du Mez has traced the shifting ideals of masculinity, and she notes how the sexual double standard really began to take cultural shape during the Victorian period, when women were presumed to be the protectors of moral virtue, both for themselves and society. And while men were considered to be virtue challenged, they were also expected to exercise a gentlemanly restraint.
By the early 20th century, however, industrialism and urban living evoked a crisis in masculinity. Ideals of restraint gave way to the celebration of a more reckless masculinity. The closing of the frontier led to the myth of the cowboy and his isolated, idealized way of life. Images of Native Americans and Tarzan began to emerge as masculine ideals.聽 聽
鈥淏ut you also have in American psychology at this point the development of academic theories to support this,鈥� says Du Mez. 鈥淭here was the fear that in the 20th century, men, especially white middle class and upper class men, might not be masculine enough anymore. Who exemplifies this rugged masculinity? And they realize that it鈥檚 not them.鈥�
鈥淎nd so that鈥檚 where they come up with that developmental model, where boys will be boys, that boys need to sow their wild oats, that they need to go through a 鈥榮avage stage鈥� of development, like Tarzan did. And after they experience that developmental stage in its fullness, then they will grow up, then they can develop some restraint, after somehow preserving this core of masculinity that otherwise seemed lacking.鈥�
Today, it鈥檚 a culture in which young men are in many ways encouraged to establish their place in the masculine hierarchy. It includes locker room roughhousing and aggression, boasts of sexual 鈥渟coring,鈥� and the use of humiliating slurs invoking the image of women or effeminate men.
鈥淭he fact that this kind of talk is so prevalent isn鈥檛 a defense. It鈥檚 an indictment,鈥� says Maggie Seymour, who deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq as an intelligence officer. She has seen the 鈥渂oys will be boys鈥� attitude fermenting on both military bases and college campuses. 鈥�...This sort of defense not only allows sexual assault but encourages it by setting the bar so low.鈥�
And excusing vulgar comments about women demeans another gender, she adds.
鈥淚t鈥檚 also incredibly insulting to men,鈥� Ms. Seymour says. 鈥淚 firmly believe men are capable of understanding human emotions and interactions and controlling their impulses.鈥�
David Rullo, a lawyer and former police officer who lives in Verona, N.J., took part in the invasion of Iraq when he was in the Marine Corps. He recalls the lack of respect that men in the military displayed toward women in uniform. 鈥淚t makes me incredibly sad that all of this behavior was going on and we didn鈥檛 know how wrong it was.鈥�
鈥淲e should have known,鈥� says Mr. Rullo. 鈥淎nd I think that the silence from a lot of the men comes from injured pride. People don鈥檛 want to say, 鈥榃e screwed up. We were wrong.鈥� 鈥�
Indeed, the vulnerable testimony of Christine Blasey Ford on Thursday contrasted sharply with the angry and partisan testimony of Judge Kavanaugh. President Trump and many Republicans welcomed his aggressiveness as justified righteous indignation, even while expressing sympathy with Dr. Blasey Ford, whom they believe must have been assaulted by someone else in the past.
Still, for many observers, Kavanaugh鈥檚 testimony laid bare the kind of 鈥渂oys will be boys鈥� ambivalence especially among the nation鈥檚 ruling elites. 鈥淚 like beer鈥� became a kind of leitmotif of the Supreme Court nominee鈥檚 testimony, and his pored-over high school yearbook contained references to his membership in the 鈥溾�� and frequent vomiting.
Many are also questioning the judge鈥檚 characterizations of well-known sexual innuendos. He and eight other football players described themselves as 鈥�,鈥� horrifying the woman in question, who only learned of the yearbook inscription last week. 鈥淸The] insinuation is horrible, hurtful and simply untrue,鈥� Renate Dolphin told The New York Times. 鈥淚 pray their daughters are never treated this way.鈥�
Kavanaugh and other former students denied that this was a boast of sexual conquest, however. 鈥淭hat yearbook reference was clumsily intended to show affection, and that she was one of us,鈥� he testified, saying they admired her and merely referred to the fact that each went to dances with her or shared a kiss.
鈥淢y professional opinion is, is that the majority of men do not do this, we know that,鈥� says Fisher, the ethicist at Fordham. 鈥淭he majority of adolescents and teens do not assault young women.鈥�
鈥淪o there is a character trait that allows for this kind of behavior,鈥� she continues. 鈥淎nd I think that鈥檚 the issue that鈥檚 coming to the fore. Whether it was 30 years ago or 40 years ago, what kind of foundational character traits are underlying a person who would mock or traumatize women, who would be violent with women, or would exert power in a physical way?鈥�
Monitor correspondent Martin Kuz contributed to this report from Sacramento, Calif.
