海角大神

Christmas has returned to the heartsick village of Sandy Hook, where a school massacre one year ago overwhelmed the holiday season. Children are now performing the pageant that was canceled last year at Newtown United Methodist Church (NUMC). Congregants are once again singing joyful carols outside the homes of shut-ins.

But traditions have changed to reflect a community that is at once healing and still traumatized.

The pageant hour has moved from morning to night, so as not to suggest it鈥檚 business as usual around here. Carolers no longer ride in a school bus: 鈥淭hat would have been too much,鈥� says the Rev. Mel Kawakami, senior pastor at NUMC. Even accepting gifts doesn鈥檛 feel right to clergy and lay leaders this year: They鈥檙e asking for donations to local groups instead.

鈥淚t starts to feel like reclaiming Christmas,鈥� Mr. Kawakami says. 鈥淏ut we wanted to be able to do something different.鈥�

As Newtown, Conn., remembers the 20 children and six Sandy Hook Elementary School staff members gunned down on what鈥檚 known here as 鈥�12/14,鈥� survivors are coming to terms with how they 鈥� and their town 鈥� have been changed forever by the tragedy.

For the townspeople, their approach to Christmas is how they approach many things now: keeping routines and traditions, but with alterations. As they tread these altered paths, many are relying on religious communities to provide guideposts and light.

Indeed, since the Monitor last wrote in March of NUMC and its parishoners' efforts to help the town heal, Newtown鈥檚 faith communities have become ever more important hubs for connecting, sharing experiences, and just not being alone. As partners in a long journey, congregations are witnessing how the trials of 12/14 are producing extraordinary fruit 鈥� much of it sweet but also some sour. The challenge now is to encourage the healthy, manage the difficult, and navigate the tensions that come with a unique set of growing pains.

鈥淲e鈥檙e trying to incorporate, to integrate, what happened last year into our routines and who we are,鈥� Newtown First Selectman Pat Llodra said at a press conference this week. 鈥淏ut I鈥檓 not certain we鈥檝e defined what鈥檚 normal yet.鈥�

In the home of Barb and Rob Sibley, a fourth-grader and two first-graders know what happened at their school last year: A man broke in and killed 20 first-graders, plus six adults. They know their mom hid behind a dumpster during the shooting and their dad, a volunteer firefighter and an EMT, helped with emergency response.

Now they ask a lot of questions about heaven, Mrs. Sibley says. They wonder what heaven is like, who will be there, and what people in heaven remember about being loved on earth. They also ask whether their Sandy Hook Elementary School, which was relocated to nearby Monroe and is guarded by armed security, is safe.

鈥淚 assure them with absolute confidence that they are safe, they are protected, and nothing like [12/14] will happen to them,鈥� she says. 鈥淏ut there鈥檚 that little voice inside my head that鈥檚 saying, 鈥榊ou can鈥檛 really promise that.鈥� I mean, I am promising it to them, but I know it鈥檚 a promise I might not be able to keep.鈥�

Around Newtown, kids struggle with nighttime fears. One boy who pulled a girl to safety on 12/14 still has trouble sleeping, according to family friend Sharon Poarch, because he feels guilty that he didn鈥檛 save more classmates. One mother, who asked not to be identified, says some first-graders are wondering: 鈥淣ow that I鈥檓 in first grade, does this mean it鈥檚 my turn to die?鈥�

Clergy see firsthand how time hasn鈥檛 yet healed all wounds. Problems such as anxiety, substance abuse, domestic violence, and marital strains seem to be on the rise in Newtown in the wake of 12/14, according to Kawakami. The Newtown Interfaith Clergy Association is working with the local school district to help manage social ills that can be typical after tragedies, according to the group鈥檚 coordinator, the Rev. Matthew Crebbin.

Coping with the massacre鈥檚 aftermath 鈥渃reates an added layer of stressors on top of those that people already have,鈥� says Mr. Crebbin, who is senior pastor of Newtown Congregational Church. For instance, one person in a couple might feel it鈥檚 time to stop talking about 12/14, while the other needs to keep discussing it at length. Relationship stress intensifies.

While some have found help in mental health services, others have sought comfort in messages of faith. Worship attendance is up from fall 2012 by about 40 percent at Congregation Adath Israel, a Conservative synagogue, and by some 20 percent at Newtown Congregational Church, a United Church of Christ community. Other houses of worship report similar increases.

Wendy Leon-Gambetta, co-lay leader of NUMC, has struggled with anxiety, especially as the anniversary has approached. Lately she鈥檚 avoided crowds. She recalled having 鈥渘onsensical鈥� fear at a volleyball game when a young man dressed in black and carrying two long equipment bags entered the stands.

鈥淚 was planning what I would do and how I would yell out,鈥� Ms. Leon-Gambetta says. 鈥淪ure enough, it was camera equipment.... It probably took me 20 minutes for my heart to slow down.鈥�

But Leon-Gambetta has drunk deeply of spiritual teachings in this town where the clergy association now convenes a monthly interfaith prayer service. She鈥檚 been to numerous interfaith events, including one at the synagogue, where Buddhist monks offered teachings on compassion, forgiveness, and healing. It鈥檚 all been good for her, she says.

鈥淭hat light conquers darkness is a message that鈥檚 universal among the different faiths,鈥� Leon-Gambetta says. 鈥淚 just liked hearing it over and over and over again in different ways.鈥�

People now show up in droves for social events sponsored by houses of worship. Presentations on grief topics have sometimes drawn sparse crowds, Crebbin says, but parishioners in effect grieve together at fellowship activities, where auspices are less formal.

鈥淚t may have been that two years ago, if there was a potluck after church, we鈥檇 forgo the potluck and go home to clean the garage,鈥� Mrs. Sibley says. 鈥淲e don鈥檛 do that anymore. We bring a dish. We stay for the potluck. We linger over coffee. And if the garage doesn鈥檛 get clean, then the garage doesn鈥檛 get clean.鈥�

Some who felt isolated in Newtown before the Sandy Hook shootings have found closer community ties through faith. Members of Newtown鈥檚 Bangladeshi and Albanian Muslim communities, for instance, didn鈥檛 know the town had a mosque until they saw a Muslim representative praying at the post-shooting interfaith service last December, according to Eman Beshtawii, co-founder of Al Hedaya Islamic Center in Newtown.

Soon the mosque was becoming crowded at Friday prayers, Ms. Beshtawii says. Mothers bonded over common fears. Would their children be safe on school buses? Would Hedaya鈥檚 mosque and school become a target of local anger after the massacre? She found the opposite: Muslims, having shared in Newtown鈥檚 unthinkable pain, now feel they belong as never before.

鈥淏efore [12/14], this was the town I live in,鈥� Beshtawii says. 鈥淏ut I鈥檝e discovered that this is my town.... I am part of this town. I am not somebody from outside who happens to live in this town. This horrific event brought this identity to me.鈥�

Some residents are learning to embrace, with help from faith organizations, what it now means 鈥� on a global stage 鈥� for them to be from Newtown. But it鈥檚 been a tough adjustment for many.

Telling someone you鈥檙e from Newtown now triggers shock, tears, or somber conversations with strangers. Some have started saying instead that they鈥檙e from the Danbury area, Crebbin observes. Ms. Poarch says her teenage son opted not to write his college essay about his response to the shooting because he 鈥渄idn鈥檛 want to play the Sandy Hook card.鈥�

But some youths from Newtown Congregational Church have taken ownership of their town鈥檚 freighted status, aiming to leverage it for good. They鈥檝e launched a program to share a biblical message of perseverance with area faith communities. When the church鈥檚 high-schoolers went on a mission trip to Pittsburgh last summer, they wore T-shirts with a quote from Dawn Hochsprung, the late Sandy Hook principal: 鈥淏e nice to each other,鈥� it read. 鈥淚t鈥檚 all that really matters.鈥�

鈥淭hey said, 鈥榃e want to do that, and we want to make the shirts green [one of Sandy Hook鈥檚 colors]. We want to be from Newtown,鈥� 鈥� Crebbin says. 鈥淚t鈥檚 infused with different meaning now.鈥�

Just as residents differ in whether to claim their town鈥檚 public profile, they also have diverse ways of working through matters of healing 鈥� which don鈥檛 always mesh. That鈥檚 creating challenges for faith communities, who鈥檝e found that the facilitation of healing isn鈥檛 a one-size-fits-all project.

At Congregation Adath Israel, helping Newtown heal has been a priority. The synagogue hosted a forum for healers of various stripes 鈥� talk therapists and therapy dogs among them 鈥� to share what they do. The congregation also 鈥渇elt we had to innovate,鈥� Rabbi Shaul Praver says, by taking a mourning prayer that鈥檚 normally said by surviving kin for a year and instead having the whole congregation say it together on a weekly basis.

On Friday evenings, the Jewish congregation creates a town-hall atmosphere and sometimes discusses shooting-related issues, from gun regulation to mental health access. Opinions differ. Not everyone agrees with the National Rifle Association member who speaks his mind. A doctor argues that certain mental illnesses are unfairly linked to violence.

In this, Mr. Praver says, the congregation practices how to discuss charged issues with respect and love. But providing such a forum comes with trade-offs. Some stay away. The 12/14 event is still too raw.

鈥淵ou literally pray your way through it,鈥� Praver says. 鈥淚n a community prayer, you could candidly say, 鈥楪od, give me the strength to lead these people. They have such different needs. Please let them forgive me.... We鈥檙e all doing our best.鈥� 鈥�

As Newtown passes the one-year mark, many still wrestle with what to do with anger and bitterness. More than a few, at least for a time, turned their vitriol on the late Nancy Lanza, the gunman鈥檚 mother, whom they accused of raising a monster, according to Kawakami. He says he hoped the gunman, Adam Lanza, would face a severe fate before God.

But he, like some others in town, has moved to a different place. He sees parents reaching out with compassion to other parents who perhaps can鈥檛 handle a mentally ill child. He hopes divine mercy might be sufficiently wide to include Mr. Lanza. He says he'll leave it to God whether Adam Lanza should be forgiven, yet he won't be disappointed if he is.

鈥淚f your soul is so wounded that you can鈥檛 forgive, much less think about moving on, then you can鈥檛 do anything,鈥� Kawakami says. 鈥淚鈥檓 not sure I have the chance anymore to hold on to the grudge, the anger, or the desire for revenge. If I take seriously the wideness of God鈥檚 mercy, then I have to let go of that.鈥�

Allowing room for some anger and bitterness to linger beyond the first anniversary might be OK to a point, in Crebbin鈥檚 view. What鈥檚 important, he says, is to ensure that such feelings don鈥檛 sabotage personal growth.

The varied paths to healing will perhaps be audible on Saturday morning, when churches ring bells to honor those lost on 12/14. NUMC won鈥檛 bow to pressure to ring it just 26 times, but will instead ring it 28 times, including rings for Nancy and Adam Lanza. And the people of Newtown Congregational Church won鈥檛 keep count, as they did last year. Their bell will simply ring on and on 鈥� for Newtown and for humankind.

鈥淲e鈥檙e just going to ring it,鈥� Crebbin said at the press conference this week. 鈥淲e remember and honor those that lost lives. But this has impacted our entire community.... We want to remind ourselves, as part of our faith life, that we鈥檙e praying for all kinds of people that were affected.鈥�