海角大神

America got together this week on the national playground to talk mommies, breastfeeding, and good parenting. Time and their cover model-mom, Jamie Lynne Grumet, made sure of that, as the pretty, hand-on-her-hip mom looked out from supermarket magazine aisles, her near-4-year-old son standing on a chair, attached to her breast with his mouth, while Time asked, 鈥淎re you mom enough?鈥�

The peculiar intimacy portrayed, the size of the child, and questions about whose needs are really being met in the Grumet family set off a fervent debate in a country that ranks 36th聽among industrialized nations when it comes to breast-feeding, and where 鈥渘ormal鈥� parenting is hard to define because of America鈥檚 cultural diversity.

Is this good? Some say the picture helps to normalize breast-feeding and the idea of 鈥渁ttachment parenting,鈥� which means extended breast-feeding, co-sleeping, and refraining from using the word 鈥渘o,鈥� ideas espoused by best-selling parenting book author William Sears, whom Time suggests 鈥渞emade motherhood.鈥� (The philosophical underpinnings of attachment parenting actually date back to the 1950s.)

Is it bad? Some say the picture itself, more than the idea of what some would call over-attentive parenting, is an example of parenting gone badly wrong. 鈥淭his is self-centeredness at its worst, sold as good parenting,鈥� a psychiatrist, on Fox News.

In an era of helicopter parents and delayed nest-jumping, these are all debatable points. But the core of debate over the provocative picture is fueled by the extent to which American moms and dads are ready and willing to debate their own basic parental insecurities: Am I doing this right? How do I know?

鈥淧art of the issue here is, she can do whatever she wants, there鈥檚 no abuse going on,鈥� says Joani Geltman, a child development expert in Cambridge, Mass. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a way for people to look at their own values and their own belief systems, which I think is what a good magazine article does. It gets you to look at your own life and your own family, and your own children and ask, Why wouldn鈥檛 I do this? What鈥檚 my belief system that I wouldn鈥檛 do this?鈥�

To be sure, what Ms. Geltman calls the photo鈥檚 鈥渋cky鈥� quality suggests that America as a whole may not be totally comfortable with so-called 鈥渃hild-led weaning鈥� espoused by Sears. According to an unscientific online poll by MSNBC, 73 percent of respondents said they would rather not see those kinds of images.

One mom who took part in the Time photo shoot said the confrontational nature of the photograph and the headline may actually serve to inflame middle-class 鈥渕ommy wars.鈥�

Proselytizing child-led weaning, co-sleeping, and gentle admonitioning for bad behavior is not the intent, one of the Time moms, in a blog on the Huffington Post. 鈥淲hy does my [4-year-old] son still nurse?鈥� she writes 鈥淗e nurses because I am his warm, safe place. This is what works for us. You may do things differently. Neither of us is more extreme or better than the other.鈥�

Some child development experts, however, take a dimmer view of the practice, which may have fueled some of the backlash.

鈥淚n a way, while looking at the Time magazine cover, we are all Grumet鈥檚 son and may know something of his possible plight: finding her a compelling and dramatic presence, seduced by her combination of sex appeal and motherhood 鈥� unable, in fact, to detach from her,鈥� writes Dr. Ablow. 鈥淭alk about a prescription for psychological disaster.鈥�

Even if the consequences aren鈥檛 that dire, other development experts say there鈥檚 still open debate about whether children really benefit from constant physical and emotional attachment as they move through toddlerhood.

鈥淎t the age of 3 is when kids are celebrating their separateness from their parents, so I think it gets in the way of a developmental milestone,鈥� says child-development expert Geltman. 鈥淚 think the jury is still out on this philosophy of keeping your child attached to you, literally. But is keeping them attached providing something for the child? Nobody can answer that except the parents and their physician.鈥�

Even some breast-feeding advocates admit they were taken aback by the cover, saying it fails to show the nurturing side of the practice. Ms. Grumet acknowledged that criticism in an interview, saying, 鈥淭his isn鈥檛 the way we breastfeed at home. It鈥檚 more of a 鈥� cradling situation.鈥�

Grumet says she self-weaned from her mom at age 6, and that she still occasionally breastfeeds her 5-year-old adopted son, a practice that she says has eased his anxieties.

Even on the playground, parenting is always hard to discuss because it is, in the end, deeply personal, drawn from tatters of experience, family tradition, book advice, and societal expectations. So when a boy who鈥檒l be going to kindergarten soon is depicted still drawing nourishment directly from mom, the lingering question for some Americans is how the pressure to do right by your kids 鈥� helped along in no small way by a provocative magazine cover 鈥� pushes parents to seek a higher elevation in parenting than perhaps it requires.

鈥淎ttachment parenting demands not just certain actions you take with your baby but also certain emotional states to accompany those actions,鈥� at Slate. 鈥淪o, it鈥檚 not just enough to breast-feed but one has to experience 鈥榖reast-feeding induced maternal nirvana.鈥� And it鈥檚 not enough to snuggle 鈥� you have to snuggle enough to achieve a spiritual high.鈥�

Anything less, adds columnist Logan Levkoff of the, is now being painted by some as failure, adding to the already heady anxieties of bringing a new person into the world.

鈥淭here鈥檚 no one way to parent,鈥� she writes. 鈥淏ut we鈥檙e told in many insidious and just plain overt ways that we鈥檒l never be good enough. It doesn鈥檛 make sense, and the result is that we have lost the ability to trust our own instinct.鈥澛�