海角大神

Public聽apologies are so common these days that聽multiple websites have sprung up just to keep track of who is asking forgiveness of whom. Effectiveapology.com, for instance, has a blog with the 鈥渁pology of the week,鈥� and the just-launched 聽ranks the worst of them.

This week alone, Geraldo Rivera and Spike Lee are in the apology corner being assessed, evaluated, and rated on the details of their infraction and the effectiveness聽and sincerity of their public efforts to make amends.

This聽critical scrutiny of public manners leads to聽some obvious聽questions about why we are seeing such an extended effort to recover after making a highly visible faux pas: Why does it seem so hard to聽apologize these days 鈥� have we all forgotten simple聽early lessons about how to say 鈥渟orry"?

鈥淲e are in a pandemic of bad behavior,鈥� says Dr. Aaron Lazare, chancellor and dean聽emeritus of the University聽of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester and author of the 2004 book 鈥淥n Apology.鈥澛�

He has聽studied the frequency of聽apologies in published news reports from 1900 to the present day and says since the 1980s, 鈥渢he number of apologies has tripled.鈥澛燘ut, he adds, the effectiveness and sincerity of those apologies has聽plummeted.

鈥淢ost of these people simply want to have their cake and eat it too,鈥� he says, noting that the key to a genuine apology is humility and restoration of dignity for the offended party.

鈥淲hat we鈥檙e seeing now is most of these apologies are simply efforts at self-justification and an attempt to show how brilliant they really are, rather than any thought about the victim,鈥� who more often than not, ends up being blamed,聽he adds.

Mr. Rivera has spent the past聽week fending off聽criticism of his efforts to apologize for his comments聽that聽Florida teenager Trayvon Martin might not have been shot had he not been wearing a hoodie.

Spike Lee, meanwhile, has been knocked for merely tweeting his apologies to a聽Florida couple whose address he mistakenly passed along as being the home of the neighborhood-watch volunteer who shot and killed聽the Florida teen.

The 24/7 media culture is partly responsible for the explosion of apologies, says Ari Kohen, an associate professor of political science at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln.

A hyper-connected online culture means more and more opportunities to say or do something offensive, he notes. This also means that 鈥渕ore and more people are watching, listening, and most importantly 鈥榮haring鈥� the offensive thing that someone has said or done,鈥� he says via e-mail, adding, 鈥渟o we're seeing the offensive statement or action more than perhaps we would have, which yields more calls for apology, which in turn yields more and more terrible apologies.鈥�

Professor Kohen and a student聽launched the terribleapologies blog two days ago in response to聽Rivera鈥檚 apology quagmire, with the intent of studying just how bad an apology can be, he says.

鈥淚t鈥檚 tempting to think that these bad apologies don't matter for the people who make them,鈥� he says, citing both Rivera and conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh, who聽issued what many dubbed a non-apology聽after calling a Georgetown University law student a 鈥渟lut鈥� and a 鈥減rostitute.鈥澛�

鈥淭hat must be what Rush Limbaugh and Geraldo Rivera are hoping 鈥� but I think that the public won't be so fast to forget. Indeed, with social networking, my sense is that a bad public apology can hang around for a really long time and can have fairly serious adverse effects (like the campaign targeting Limbaugh's sponsors, for example). Indeed, there's more interest in bad apologies right now than I might have thought,鈥� he says.

The polarization of public life has made it harder than ever to find the space for real repentance, reform or聽forgiveness, says Conservative Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who is running for Congress in New Jersey.

鈥淚鈥檝e long thought Elton John had it right when he said sorry is the hardest word,鈥� he says, but a growing culture of meanness is making it harder. 鈥淪omeone makes a mistake and we carve them up with knives,鈥� he says, adding, 鈥淒o we really want to live in a world where聽people can make one mistake and that鈥檚 it?鈥�