Take that, Herman Cain! Ron Paul proposes $1 trillion in budget cuts.
| WASHINGTON
Will Ron Paul be wearing eyebrow toupees at tomorrow鈥檚 CNN political debate?
We ask this delicate question only because it came up following the most recent wrangle of GOP presidential candidates. Photos showed what appeared to be a false eyebrow, or perhaps a wooly bear caterpillar, drooping off one of Mr. Paul鈥檚 eyes.
If you really want to, you can view the incident in 鈥� who, as we鈥檝e previously noted, is something of a Ron Paul fan boy.
Now before we get too far into this, and angry Paulites crash our e-mail, jam our phones, and generally render moot our attempts at electronic interaction with the world, we鈥檒l get to Paul鈥檚 new budget proposal in a moment.
We鈥檙e just getting the eyebrow thing out of the way first.
The Paul campaign thinks the wayward-brow stories are silly, of course. Campaign spokesman Jesse Benton has called the fake-brow theory 鈥渟tupid鈥� and 鈥渋nsulting.鈥�
Our take on it is this: the charge of artificial enhancement makes no sense. Fake eyebrows on a no-longer 20-year-old guy? Yes, we know The New York Times . But they鈥檝e also run stories on how city hipsters are . Just because it鈥檚 a trend in NoMoSoHo doesn鈥檛 mean it鈥檚 a thing in, you know, the actual world.
Take it from us. Unfortunately, we know. When you reach a certain age, the nice young woman cutting your hair starts to trim your eyebrows, not enhance them. That鈥檚 because with age comes wisdom, and also eyebrow hairs that shoot off your forehead like rocket contrails.
If you don鈥檛 trim your eyebrows, you begin to look like the kind of person who buttons up their cardigan wrong, then forgets where they put their sandwich. Or like Ed Asner, only thinner, with a bit more hair.
So, yes, Rick Perry鈥檚 got plush brows, and so does Mitt Romney. What we鈥檙e saying is, that from our point of view, that鈥檚 not necessarily a positive sign.
The $1 trillion plan
Moving along, Ron Paul himself, ignoring Browgate (Browmagedon?) today announced an that cuts $1 trillion off the federal budget, eliminates no fewer than five federal departments, including the venerable Department of the Interior, slashes Environmental Protection Agency funding by 30 percent, and ends funding of foreign wars.
Take that, slackers! We鈥檙e looking at you, Herman Cain and Mitt Romney. Paul鈥檚 pie charts are much tougher than yours.
鈥淚t鈥檚 the only plan offered by a presidential candidate that actually balances the budget and begins to pay down the debt,鈥� says the aforementioned Paul campaign spokesman Mr. Benton.
Our favorite part is that Paul would reduce the president鈥檚 salary to $39k and change, which is the median US income. That鈥檚 a good idea 鈥� too often presidents become disconnected from economic reality, given that they seldom run out to Dunkin鈥� to pick up a glazed stick and a medium hot beverage.
But what about a performance bonus? That might serve a purpose too. Like, if unemployment drops a percentage point, the presidents gets 10 percent for the year, or maybe another week of vacation. Their choice.
Even better 鈥� a free eyebrow trim. We know a stylist who鈥檇 be happy to oblige.
