Blagojevich to Letterman: I'm glad you're not on the jury!
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As MSNBC's David Shuster wittily said last night, former Governor Rod Blagojevich "finally ended his two-day media blackout yesterday" by appearing on programs ranging from the Today Show to Larry King to Greta Van Susteren to David Letterman.
The Letterman appearance was the most anticipated of the group and provided, of course, many laughs. We told you about the program last night (and we have the video below).
Oddly, the Top Ten List was not about Blago. Rather the target was Olympian Michael Phelps. But that didn't mean there was a lack of B-Rod. Letterman had him on three segments.
In the spirit of Letterman's Top Ten, we provide our own Top Ten list of quotes from last night's show.
10. Dave: "You鈥檙e familiar with the joke: The former Governor is in Illinois Prison, down in wherever it is, the federal penitentiary there in Illinois. And he鈥檚 working with another inmate and the inmate says to him, 鈥榊ou know, Governor, the food was better when you were Governor.'" (audience laughs)
Rod: 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know that joke.鈥 (Rod, audience laughs)
9. Dave: "The more you hear a guy say, 鈥業鈥檝e done nothing wrong,鈥 and the more you hear a guy say, 鈥業 didn鈥檛 have a chance to defend myself,鈥 the more you begin to think, 鈥楨h鈥omething wrong here.鈥欌
Rod: 鈥淲ell, let me say two things: one, that鈥檚 the truth; and two, I鈥檓 glad you鈥檙e not going to sit on that jury in Illinois.鈥 (audience laughs)
8. Dave: "Boy oh boy. You 鈥 I really wouldn鈥檛 give your troubles to a monkey on a rock.鈥 (audience laughs)
7. Dave: 鈥淲hy exactly are you here, honest to God?" (audience laughs)
Rod: (laughs) 鈥淲ell, you know, I鈥檝e been wanting to be on your show in the worst way for the longest time.鈥
Dave: 鈥淲ell, you鈥檙e on in the worst way, believe me.鈥 (Rod, audience laughs)
6. Dave: 鈥淚 was looking down the records here. Otto Kerner, Democrat, governor of the state of Illinois, convicted on 17 counts of bribery, conspiracy, perjury and charges related to accepting bribes. Daniel Walker, Democrat 鈥 he was convicted in 1987 of improprieties related to the First American Savings & Loan Association bank, sentenced to seven years, governor. Governor George Ryan, currently serving a six and a half year prison term at a medium security prison and is scheduled to be out 鈥 he鈥檒l be out and walking around 2013 (audience, Rod laugh)
鈥淣ow, I mean, is this just part of the oath of office that you guys take?鈥 (audience laughs)
5. Rod (responding to the above list): But I鈥檇 like your listeners to know and everybody in Illinois and anyone else who鈥檚 listening that unlike those, I鈥檒l be vindicated. I did nothing wrong." (audience laughs)
4. Dave: I saw you on 鈥楾he View,鈥 I saw you on the Rachel Maddow Show, I saw you on the Today Show, I saw you, I think, every other show that is in production currently." (Rod, audience laughs)
3. Dave: 鈥淩ight now, other people will say, 鈥榃ell, what he鈥檚 doing now, he鈥檚 working on the jury pool for the spring trial. He鈥檚 trying to plead his case, trying to prejudice a group of people so that it will be difficult to get an impartial jury for that trial. Anything?鈥 (audience laughs)
Rod: 鈥淣o, um 鈥 your audience obviously likes you, everything you say, they laugh at. And that wasn鈥檛 all that funny, with all due respect.鈥 (Rod, audience laughs)
2. Rod (after Dave plays a relatively tame audio clip from one of Rod's taped conversations) "I was afraid you were going to have some of those other tapes where I sounded like 海角大神 Bale鈥︹ (audience laughs).
1. Dave 鈥淒o you use shampoo and conditioner?鈥 (Rod, audience laughs)