海角大神

Mike Huckabee talking too seriously about sausage and pigs. Rick Perry as a real-life Yosemite Sam. Donald Trump as the builder of a border fence casino hotel. Sarah Palin talking like a slam poet, replacing Matthew McConaughey in that .

Jon Stewart wrapped all this and more into . As he pointed out, even the name of this tune up event for presidential contenders is special, as it implies everything from here is downhill, freedom-wise.

Why does the Republican Party want to limit debates during primary season? Watch this segment, and you鈥檒l understand.

But we digress. The Iowa Freedom Summit was held over the weekend in Des Moines. It was sponsored by Iowa Rep. Steve King, one of Washington鈥檚 sharpest voices against immigration reform. As a sort of unofficial beginning of the presidential season in the first-in-the-nation caucus state, it attracted a big turnout. Serious contenders for the nomination appeared, including Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, whose walkabout speech impressed many attendees.

鈥淒espite the questions about [Walker鈥檚] charisma, he鈥檚 getting rave reviews for his passion in his appearance this weekend,鈥� of the right-leaning National Review.

Did funnyman Mr. Stewart focus on this? No, he did not. He shaped his eight-minute segment around the speakers who won鈥檛 be president, in his words, but are using the pretense of a candidacy to audition for jobs at Fox News.

And when you鈥檙e snipping out seconds from a long speech, you can come up with funny stuff.聽"Take Ted Cruz. He's running seriously for the White House but may have difficulty attracting votes beyond his conservative base. He told the audience they would hear lots of speakers claim to be true conservatives.

鈥淕osh darn it, who diddly, I鈥檓 conservative,鈥� said Senator Cruz of Texas, imitating these unnamed fake right-leaners.

Stewart loved that. 鈥淲ho Diddly, I believe, was 鈥檚 less-talented brother,鈥� said Stewart.

Cruz 鈥渁ppears to be crossing over from down-home conservative to territory,鈥� Stewart added, referring to a cartoon character from 鈥淭he Simpsons.鈥�

Then came Mr. Huckabee and his sausage metaphor. It involved people who deny that hogs must by slaughtered for sausage [laws] to be made, but who want to eat sausage anyway, without that mess.

鈥淲e need to do some pig-killing. To get to the sausage,鈥� said Huckabee, in the clip on the 鈥淒aily Show."

鈥淭hat鈥檚 a deeply disturbing metaphor. It鈥檚 going to be hard to out-backwoods that,鈥� said Stewart.

But Mr. Perry did. His overly emotive speech seemed a bit forced. Stewart compared the ex-Texas governor to Howard Dean, the Democrat whose 鈥渟cream鈥� in Iowa allegedly destroyed his presidential ambitions, and to Yosemite Sam, the revolver-toting hombre in constant search of rascally rabbit Bugs Bunny.

At least Perry, Huckabee, et al, will actually attempt a candidacy. After them came the folks who, as Stewart pointed out, are not ever going to run, but like to pretend they are. For instance, there was Mr. Trump, who talked about the need to build a border fence.

鈥淚t鈥檚 got to be a beauty. Who can build better than Trump? It鈥檚 what I do,鈥� said Trump, apparently offering himself as a government security contractor.

Then came Ms. Palin. We鈥檝e described her Iowa appearance elsewhere 鈥� it didn鈥檛 go well, even without Stewart鈥檚 writers picking only the worst clips.

Apparently her teleprompter malfunctioned. That鈥檚 the charitable interpretation. As Stewart said, eventually 鈥渉er subjects stopped talking to her verbs." Then he ran a clip of her inserted into that where the McConaughey character rambles on while driving soulfully through empty big city streets.

鈥淵ou know, the man can only ride you when your back is bent, so strengthen it,鈥� says Palin from the Lincoln鈥檚 seat. 鈥淭hen the man can鈥檛 ride ya and America won鈥檛 be taken for a ride.鈥�

Yes, very funny. But this is exactly why the Republican National Committee wants to limit and control official debates. (This wasn鈥檛 a debate, obviously, but it was a big joint appearance, and thus debate-like.)

In 2012, the ephemeral candidates such as Herman Cain sucked up lots of media attention and became bit players in a continuing reality show series in which their humorous remarks and personalities were exaggerated. The RNC wants to avoid that this time around.

That鈥檚 why they鈥檝e cut official debates roughly in half, . Republican officials are working to get more conservative media members involved in the panels.

Candidates who participate in unsanctioned debates will be banned from future official gatherings, according to the RNC.

Plus, we bet Trump鈥檚 debate invitations will get lost in the mail. Or disappear into a spam filter. Or otherwise fail to ever appear at his office.