Liam Neeson stars in 1980s revamp of 'The A-Team.' (Too bad there's not a plot).
It probably won鈥檛 matter to its core audience that 鈥�The A-Team鈥� doesn鈥檛 make a lick of sense.
As I recall, the 1980s TV show it鈥檚 based on didn鈥檛 make a lot of sense either. It may not even matter that it鈥檚 not very good.
What matters in the end, what always matters in these Type A flicks, is how many explosions there are, and how loud.
By this reckoning, and only this, 鈥淭he A-Team鈥� rates an A. In every other respect it鈥檚 yet another steroid-pumped thrill ride targeting young males who want something else from life besides steel-cage mixed-martial arts matches on cable.
Funny thing, a mixed martial arts champ, Quinton 鈥淩ampage鈥� Jackson, shows up in Mr. T鈥檚 鈥淏.A.鈥� Baracus role. Alas, his acting skills, or, to be more exact, his enunciation skills, make Mr. T sound like John Gielgud. [Editor's note: The original version identified Jackson simply as a martial artist.]
For a while I thought something was wrong with the theater鈥檚 sound system 鈥� I couldn鈥檛 make out a word he was saying. But I had no trouble hearing the other actors, though their dialogue was equally disposable. My guess is that the co-writer/director Joe Carnahan was afraid that if he criticized Jackson he鈥檇 get hit real hard upside the head.
On second thought, 鈥�Rampage鈥� Jackson gives one of the finest debut performances in Hollywood history.
The original A-Team members were Vietnam vets; now they鈥檙e veterans of the Iraq war. 鈥淗annibal鈥� Smith (Liam Neeson) is the swaggering honcho; Bradley Cooper is 鈥淔ace鈥� Peck, a master con artist and, it follows as surely as night follows day, irresistible to women; Sharlto Copley, the memorable maniac from 鈥�District 9,鈥� is the goony bird 鈥淗owling Mad鈥� Murdock. And Jackson, as I said, is the team鈥檚 elocution instructor. (On third thought, I choose to live dangerously.)
The 鈥減lot鈥� has something to do with how the A-Team goes in for some heavy-duty payback after being double-crossed, stripped of their ranks, and locked in the hoosegow. Their chief adversary is an ice-cold CIA creep played by Patrick Wilson.
For some reason 鈥� maybe it鈥檚 the smart tailoring and the lethal purr of his intonations 鈥� he reminded me of a Wall Street bad guy. Too bad he wasn鈥檛. The movie business needs a new species of villain, and the CIA is very old news. Memo to Hollywood: Wall Street, not K Street.
Jessica Biel, who might as well have 鈥淢ovie鈥檚 Sex Appeal鈥� tattooed on her forehead, or somewhere, shows up as a military investigator. She doesn鈥檛 once crack a smile, which gives you an idea of just how serious this actress is. She looks very good in sunglasses, though.
My favorite moment of deep think comes when Baracus, who has temporarily forsworn violence 鈥� well, not violence exactly, just killing and squashing 鈥� receives a minitutorial from his team leader in the error of his ways. Contrary to popular belief, Baracus鈥檚 newfound hero, Gandhi, justified the use of violence. It鈥檚 true. 鈥淗annibal鈥� says so. You can look it up.
Let鈥檚 just be thankful that Carnahan, instead of redoing 鈥淭he A-Team,鈥� didn鈥檛 remake 鈥淕andhi.鈥� The Ganges would have run red. Pacifism is for wussies. Grade: C- (Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence throughout, language, and smoking.)
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