海角大神

Crackers, sippy cups, and picnic blankets in hand, about 10听first-time moms sat down in a circle and let our kids roam around in the sunshine, free at last after a long winter.听

Among all the usual mom-talk about our kids鈥� milestones (鈥渕ine just started walking last week!鈥� I shared), a comment from听one mom stuck in my mind.

鈥淲e鈥檙e all doing pretty great at this mom stuff. We鈥檙e all wearing makeup and everything!鈥�

We collectively patted ourselves on the back, agreeing that we are听doing great. Most of the kids are right around a year old, so we鈥檙e all reflecting a lot these days about how much of our lives have changed in so little time.

But I smiled mischievously 鈥� I wasn鈥檛 wearing any makeup, not even a spartan dab听of听lip balm. I haven鈥檛 worn makeup regularly since leaving my full-time job at Christmas.

But I feel just as beautiful as before, if not more so. The secret for my postpartum beauty lies in the happiness I've found as a mom.听

I feel fulfilled in my role as a mom, watching and helping my daughter get to know the world and her place in it.听

Laughter infuses our everyday lives, and I'm grateful for the regular hugs and kisses I get to give and receive from my daughter.

Often she鈥檒l be playing with her toys while I check my email and within a few minutes, she鈥檒l come over听and plop herself into my lap for a hug. Who can resist smiling when that happens?

A sense of purpose buoys my days 鈥� what could be more important than raising the next generation of thinkers to be confident, compassionate, and resilient?

Putting on makeup simply doesn鈥檛 factor into my daily priorities now. I鈥檓 definitely not about to use up precious nap-time minutes to attempt to reach what I feel is an unattainable beauty ideal, reached only through spending lots of money to get perfect skin, amped lips, smoky eyes, etc.

I have too much writing to do,听bills to pay,听sinks to scrub, and books to devour instead 鈥� my priorities are clear.

At the same time, every time I鈥檓 on a mission in the drugstore to听pick up a few essentials, I see the lipstick and mascara as I buzz by, and I鈥檓 tempted to grab some to spice up my look. But I have quite a collection of barely-used lipsticks already, so I usually resist the urge. Yes, a bright new red might give me little confidence boost, but within a day or two, it will be forgotten at the bottom of the diaper bag.

Especially as a mother of a daughter, I feel self-conscious about what kinds of messages I鈥檓 sending directly and indirectly to her. I know she鈥檚 looking to me (not just at me) to learn what it means to be beautiful.

Being makeup free could mean that I don't care about my appearance, or that I have enough confidence in myself that I don't need the artificial enhancement makeup provides to step out everyday. Every once in awhile, yes, it's fun to wear, but I no longer feel that it's necessary to feel beautiful in everyday life.听

Which interpretation will my daughter assume?听

I hope her takeaway is that real beauty lies in confidence, self-assurance, poise 鈥� none of which can be acquired at a cosmetic counter.听Like the late听Maya Angelou听wrote in her quintessential poem, :听

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I鈥檓 not cute or built to suit a fashion model鈥檚 size听听听

But when I start to tell them,

They think I鈥檓 telling lies.

I say,

It鈥檚 in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,听听听

The stride of my step,听听听

The curl of my lips.听听听

I鈥檓 a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,听听听

That鈥檚 me.

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It鈥檚 in the click of my heels,听听听

The bend of my hair,听听听

the palm of my hand,听听听

The need for my care.听听听

鈥機ause I鈥檓 a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That鈥檚 me.

To me, this poem means that beauty is internal, not external. Ms. Angelou, as her poem states, labeled herself as 鈥渘ot cute or built to suit a fashion model鈥檚 size,鈥� but because she knew she was a phenomenal woman, she was beautiful. That confidence made her shine, so her physical measurements didn't even factor into her self-worth.

If each mom, no matter how much or how little makeup she wears, would take a moment to affirm that she is phenomenal, it would be a step in the right direction toward gaining self-acceptance and peace. Our daughters are watching. We owe it to ourselves and to them to love ourselves as we are.

Before I became a mom, I had trouble thinking of myself as a grown woman. Like many of my generation, I didn鈥檛 feel settled, financially, professionally, or personally, so it felt strange when someone would call me 鈥淢rs. Silva.鈥� It sounded like they were talking about someone鈥檚 mom 鈥� someone I wasn鈥檛 yet.听

But as soon as I got pregnant, it was like a switch flipped. I embraced my curves for the first time since hitting puberty. Throughout my pregnancy,听I rubbed my belly affectionately, after so many years of hating how paunched it looked.听

But then the pendulum swung back the other way once my daughter was born. My belly had become extra flabby from all the skin I acquired while she grew to a solid 8 pounds, and my breasts grew out of proportion with the rest of my body when I started nursing my daughter. I also shed a lot of the gorgeous, thick mane of hair that I had luxuriated in during my pregnancy - a sharp surprise to accompany new motherhood.

I felt a听nagging feeling of self-doubt and criticized myself harshly. I eventually realized that I had been way too focused on external beauty, forgetting what actually makes me beautiful.

I had to remind myself of all the beautiful qualities of motherhood - perseverance, patience, strength, and more - that I have witnessed in myself in my short time as a mom.听

No matter what state our bodies are in, no matter how much or how little makeup we have on, no matter how mismatched our outfit is, no matter how long it has been since we squeezed in a shower, mothers听are always听phenomenal women.

And when we do forget, because life gets in the way 鈥� remember Angelou鈥檚 poem, read it aloud, and affirm,听

鈥溾�� I鈥檓 a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That鈥檚 me.鈥�