Could you parent like it's 1986?
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Estey Silva Correspondent
What was life like in 1986? Do you remember? Well, I don鈥檛, because I hadn鈥檛 been born yet, but I got a glimpse of it in The Globe and Mail鈥檚 piece about a family who for a month.听
Blair McMillan and his girlfriend, Morgan Patey (and their two kids), banished all modern technology from their home 鈥� including laptops, cellphones, and cable TV 鈥� as an experiment to see how their lives would change. Ms. Patey commented that without distracting modern technology, when they鈥檙e playing with the kids,听鈥淣othing can take us away from the moment.鈥�
Sounds absolutely wonderful. I wish I could do that too, but since I work from home as a writer and editor, I need to stay plugged in, on top of trends, and always send in my work each week. Unplugging for a whole month isn鈥檛 feasible right now.听
Plus, it would be really hard. I imagine the house would feel really quiet without Pandora music playing, my phone pinging with text messages, or cozying up to watch 鈥�Game of Thrones鈥�听after the baby goes to bed. Besides, setting the baby up in front of a couple Elmo YouTube videos makes it much easier for me to switch the laundry in the basement real quick.听
Without technology, nothing would take me away from the present moment, which sounds so zen and peaceful, but it鈥檚 also rather daunting. Sometimes, the present moment isn鈥檛 all that pleasant, honestly, with the monotony of chores, disciplining my child, and not having anyone nearby to strike up a conversation with.听
That鈥檚 the thing about life before the digital age 鈥� weren鈥檛 people lonely without all the connection the Internet and cellphones provide?
More likely, people were less lonely. They stopped by to see each other on Sunday afternoons or even popped by for dinner on a weeknight. Most knew the names of their neighbors and what ages their kids were. Kids played in the street and in each other鈥檚 yards, not online with some random kid they didn鈥檛 actually know.听People had time to stretch out the phone cord and chat for a good hour with a relative who lived far away.
It sounds lovely. It sounds connected.
That鈥檚 the contradiction of all this technology. It promises at-your-fingertips information, hundreds of Facebook friends (only 1 percent of whom you ever actually talk to), and the siren call of 24/7 notifications streaming in听鈥� and it means we rarely actually connect with each other.听听
Sure, we connect with our cellphones 鈥� waiting in the grocery line, making dinner, even while brushing our teeth听鈥� but what is the point of all this if we鈥檙e losing our relationships with each other? I鈥檝e already听noticed that my 1-year-old daughter has started competing for my attention when I do a quick e-mail check as she plays beside me. It's awful.听What is the point of all this technology if it takes us away from the most important moments of our lives, in this case being 100 percent present while playing with my daughter?
These days, I keep trying to make plans to meet up with friends and family members, but they almost always fall through. Most of us just don鈥檛 make face-to-face interaction a priority anymore. Yet almost everyone posts to Facebook every day.听
Completely unplugging isn鈥檛 realistic, but I could take some steps in that direction. One is keeping my phone away from my bedside table, so I won鈥檛 be able to look at it right before going to sleep or right when I wake up. Cuddling with my husband and daughter will take precedence, as it should be.听
I'm often tempted to turn a TV show on the iPad while I'm having breakfast or lunch with my daughter. It feels as if it's filling a void, since we can't really have a conversation yet. But leaving it off is important for her development听鈥� the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV time before age 2 because kids learn best interacting with other people, not screens.听
She can learn valuable social skills by just sitting quietly with me. I can make conversation on my end, and I bet pretty soon she'll be able to chortle back some replies. It's a little awkward听鈥� all that silence 鈥撎齜ut it's my duty as a mom to look out for what's best for her, not what's most pleasant for me.
Cutting down on evening TV time听could听also bring us closer. We can take more walks to the park, play more games, even sit together and read听instead.
Maybe we could even figure out a way to meet our neighbors! Now wouldn鈥檛 that be good old-fashioned fun?听
Another area where I鈥檒l disconnect from technology is when I鈥檓 putting my baby to sleep. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I often put on some classical music, rock her, nurse her, and scroll through my e-mails or Facebook feed on my phone.听
What鈥檚 wrong with a little silence as my baby drifts off? It鈥檚 always so tempting to fill the time and be endlessly entertained. But I鈥檓 realizing that entertainment comes at the cost of real, genuine connection.
I know I鈥檒l look back at these moments and wish I could rock her to sleep one more time, but she鈥檒l be too grown-up for that soon. I need to cherish this time and be present, as against the grain as that feels sometimes.
