海角大神

Here鈥檚 a conversation about social media that would be good to have with our kids. You could headline it 鈥�Instagram 别苍惫测鈥�; 聽dramatically headlined it 鈥淭he Agony of Instagram鈥� (oh, brother). The fact that the article appeared in this week鈥檚 Sunday Styles section I guess confirms that it鈥檚 fashionable, at least for newspapers, to be dramatic about social media.

鈥淔or many urban creative professionals these days, it鈥檚 not unusual to scroll through one鈥檚 Instagram feed and feel suffocated by fabulousness,鈥� the Times reports. (Perfectly appropriate to roll your eyeballs.) It鈥檚 not only urban creative professionals who might feel thus suffocated. Young people might too 鈥� though it鈥檚 only fair to add that many teens who tire of social media showboating seem to be smart enough to move on to the more spontaneous, less showy , where any showboating usually goes away really fast and is mostly just for fun. This would be great family discussion for when kids first start using Instagram (in many cases, when they鈥檙e 4th- and 5th-graders, apparently [see ]).

鈥業nstagram envy鈥� nothing new

But back to 鈥淚nstagram envy.鈥� First of all, only the Instagram part of this is new (and not actually that new). It was preceded by 鈥淔acebook envy,鈥� which was preceded by many other media-related and in-person kinds of envy, going back to the version addressed in Judeo-海角大神ity鈥檚 10 Commandments (referred to there as 鈥渃ovetousness鈥�) and probably in the wisdom literature of all the world鈥檚 faith and ethics traditions. So it wouldn鈥檛 hurt to revisit envy using activity in social media to help kids get a little perspective.

Second of all: Obviously, social media isn鈥檛 the only place where envy can happen; but social media presents a great opportunity to apply a little critical thinking both to what鈥檚 being seen in it and to how we鈥檙e reacting 鈥� at least to notice how we鈥檙e feeling and responding. It鈥檚 the noticing that gives users a little emotional space (i.e., freedom from envy). We can help our kids think about how the images they鈥檙e seeing and sharing are just the surface 鈥� and barely that 鈥� of who they and their peers are. They usually know this, once they鈥檝e had a few moments to think about it.

So the predictable pronouncement about Instagram in the Times piece is that 鈥渋t鈥檚 as if every last image is designed to call to mind Norman Mailer鈥檚 book title 鈥楢dvertisements for Myself鈥�.鈥� Maybe, maybe not 鈥� it depends on the image sharer. It鈥檚 the generalizing about Instagram and all social media use that鈥檚 so predictable. What happens in social media is highly individual. So the experiences of Instagrammers in this piece say very little about all Instagrammers, including our kids, and using social media can just as likely be fun, creative, social self-expression 鈥� or ads for ideas, causes, or others 鈥� as 鈥淎dvertisements for Myself.鈥�

Exercising our options

But I love what Times writer Alex Williams ends with: pointing out that social norms and manners are developing in Instagram (not a big surprise, since they develop wherever people socialize). The article concludes with a user who chooses 鈥渘ot to inspire envy but simply to inspire.鈥�

I suspect most kids know that nobody鈥檚 all fabulous all the time, in or out of social media, but it doesn鈥檛 hurt to remind them that 鈥� if that鈥檚 all they鈥檙e seeing from someone 鈥� they鈥檙e not getting the whole picture, which usually has some flaws. So if our kids have little spikes of envy, it may be helpful for them to鈥�

1. Notice the envy when they feel it, which helps them get a little distance from it
2. Know that there are things about themselves and their lives that are fabulous (seriously wonderful) and enviable too, and鈥�
3. Be themselves in social media and not only fabulous, because feeling envy can get annoying, and why annoy people when it鈥檚 ultimately more fun to be real than annoying?

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