Duck Dynasty: Grinch-proof your family holiday
Everything you need to know about family you can learn from Duck Dynasty, including how to laugh in the face of holiday madness.
Over the past year I have gone from TV snob where Duck Dynasty is concerned to seriously thinking that duck calls would make great stocking stuffers.
Also on my Christmas list is the new Robertsons' album with my new favorite song 鈥�," duck calls quacking the fa-la-la-la-la refrains.
Having that song on your iPod can make any holiday gathering Grinch-proof.
Last year, friends on Facebook who loved the show pleaded with me to watch just one episode. So I found it on my Kindle and shortly thereafter was online apologizing to everyone, ready to wear camo in repentance for pre-judging the Robertsons.
Dad;聽Phil;聽Mama聽Kay; Sons聽Willie,聽Jase, Jules Jeptha (鈥淛ep鈥�); and batty Uncle聽Si are the core characters who get us to rethink how much value we place in things like social grace and Martha Stewart-like family gatherings by revealing what family unity really looks like.
The line that got me hooked came from Willie Robertson who said, 鈥淧arenting is a constant struggle between making your kid's life better and ruining your own.鈥�
鈥淭here鈥檚 a fine line between insanity and coping with your daughter dating,鈥� said Jep in another episode.
Patriarch Phil gave all young men the sage relationship warning, 鈥淲hether you鈥檙e talkin鈥� about bees, dogs, or women, pain can come up on you suddenly.鈥�
Miss Kay, however, hits the bulls-eye saying,聽"Our marriage is living proof that love and family can get you through everything."
The show is not just funny; it鈥檚 perhaps the only show I have seen in the past few years that can reliably be watched with young children.
The family is deeply spiritual, patriotic, and forgiving of each member鈥檚 zany ways. They are satisfied with who they are and live in the moment.
Since I was a non-believer in this show, I want to make sure I am off the Naughty list this year by giving the gift of how to do the holiday Duck Dynasty style, with dos and don鈥檛s drawn from the series.
During the holiday feast preparation, never let the crazy uncle do the cooking.
"I am the MacGyver of cooking. If you bring me a piece of bread, cabbage, coconut, mustard greens, pigs feet, pine cones, ... and a woodpecker, I'll make you a good chicken pot pie," Uncle Si聽once explained.
If Jep is helping out, you have to be fast to avert impending doom. His philosophy is, 鈥淲hen you don鈥檛 know what you鈥檙e doing, it鈥檚 best to do it quickly.鈥�
Never say, "Hey, what's in the stuffing?" to a woman who says, 鈥淓atin' squirrel brains is where ya get your smarts.鈥�
At Christmas, Miss Kay makes 鈥淧irducken鈥� 鈥� the Matrioshka doll of redneck cuisine 鈥� a pig stuffed with a turkey, stuffed with a chicken, stuffed with a duck.
Forget the diet at a holiday dinner. Miss Kay advises us to live, love, laugh, and eat something for goodness sake.
鈥淪kinny girls! All they鈥檙e worried about is if they gain an ounce. You need a sausage, honey!鈥� she advises.
For decorating, pick either Mountain Man or Miss Kay, but never both.
Mountain Man did a lovely job with the arch for Phil and Kay鈥檚 vow renewal ceremony in the woods, with massive boughs he鈥檇 collected.
Miss Kay covers every square inch of wall, floor, and mantle space with everything from decoys to angels.
Team these two up and Santa will need a shoehorn to make it from chimney to tree.
Most important is that Christmas is time to drop the camouflage and light 鈥榚r up so Santa can see the house, car, and yard from space.
Now you know how to make your holiday dog hunt. Better get quackin鈥� before Walmart is all outta pigs feet and twinkle lights.
