Caroline Berg Eriksen's postpartum selfie: Harming or helping?
Norwegian fitness blogger and soccer wife听Caroline Berg Eriksen鈥檚听controversial Instagram photo of her postpartum body begs the question, what is the point of all this body-focused discussion, really? She posted the photo four days after giving birth, and already her body looks perfect, 鈥� no stretch marks, no sagging skin, no out-of-proportion breasts. You can鈥檛 even tell that she had been pregnant at all. This comes on the heels of all the hype about听fitness instructor Maria Kang's controversial bikini photo with her three young sons and the caption 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your excuse?鈥� that went viral and spurred numerous online discussions about postpartum body perceptions. Ms. Kang was accused of fat-shaming, bullying, and presenting unrealistic expectations for postpartum moms.
When I saw both photos, I听was shocked. How annoying! How unrealistic!听What bullies! Why would they be so arrogant and attention seeking?
Then I swung back to the other side. Wow, they look amazing! I wish I could look like that too. I鈥檓 eight months postpartum, and that level of fitness doesn鈥檛 even seem like it鈥檚 possible. What鈥檚 their secret? I want to work harder and be fit and sexy, so good for them for sharing their success and inspiring others.
But wait, let鈥檚 back up. What鈥檚 really going on here? No matter what your reaction to these photos, it鈥檚 worth taking a moment to get some perspective.听
Why do we moms feel the need to judge each other on our postpartum bodies at all? What is the point?
The fact is, there is no point. Your body says nothing about how good听a mom you are. It does not provide any information about how patient, loving, strong, protective, and nurturing you are. It can鈥檛 say how you鈥檝e grown now that you鈥檝e become a mom.
Instead of, 鈥淗ave you gotten your body back?鈥�, how about, during the postpartum period, we ask each other, 鈥淗ow are you doing balancing work and motherhood?鈥� or 鈥淗ow are things going with your husband?鈥� or 鈥淗ow has motherhood changed your life purpose?鈥� or 鈥淲hat can I do to support you in your new role better鈥�? I can think of thousands of questions that would be more worthwhile than, 鈥淎re your stretch marks fading yet?鈥�
I鈥檝e experienced postpartum body pressure firsthand. One family member even asked me recently (eight months postpartum) if I was pregnant again (I鈥檓 definitely not). For about half an hour, I was deeply offended. But then I realized that this is the culture we live in 鈥� where we focus on the mother鈥檚 body, instead of focusing on her spirit. It鈥檚 not personal 鈥� it鈥檚 just going with the听flow of our culture. Every mom needs our support, not judgment about her body, whether it鈥檚 positive or negative. And remember, once we learn to focus on what鈥檚 in the mom鈥檚 heart, it will seamlessly transfer to teaching our daughters that what鈥檚 valuable is on the听inside, not the听outside. We have a long way to go to get there, but woman to woman, husband to wife, parent to child, we can stem the tide of body-focus and redirect our attention to much more pressing matters.
