海角大神

Dear Mr. Lookadoo: We (along with most of the internet) recently heard about your presentation at Richardson High School in Richardson, Texas. The students鈥� outrage shed light on your views of the 鈥渄ateability鈥� of children and how rigid, harmful notions of gender roles are supposedly espoused by God.

As mothers, university professors, specialists in the field of psychology, mental health, sexuality, and gender for almost 20 years, and yes, 海角大神s, we are taken aback by and incredibly disappointed in your message.听

You say on your Facebook page that you spent 鈥渁 lot of time鈥� studying and you are 鈥渁lways researching and finding the edge that will make (your) programs current and relevant.鈥� That seems strange because what you teach about 鈥渉ow gender differences impact the development of the human brain鈥� doesn鈥檛 seem to be supported by any of the most recent research in either psychology or neuroscience. Hmmm. Don鈥檛 believe us? Check out听听补苍诲听听research. It鈥檚 all there, Justin, just waiting to be discovered. Ever read听Illusions of Gender听by Dr.听听You might want to look into that as well.

In your speech at Richardson High听emphasized gender stereotypes that are harmful to both men and women and made negative comments about girls in general. For example, you are quoted as saying, "Ladies, I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible....you are the most horrible, awful, vindictive creatures this planet has ever seen." You then go on to detail the differences between girls and guys as males being there to lift each other up while females "spend the rest of your life trying to kick every other girl down." If you said this in an assembly where one of our 14-year-old daughters attends school, we hope and pray that she would get up and walk out or call you out for spewing blatant, archaic, shame-inducing, misogynistic, hate-filled rhetoric. (Just like the daughter and friends of听.)

Listen, Justin, we not only have daughters, we have also worked with adolescent girls and young women in a variety of educational and clinical settings for many years. We can say with utter confidence that your assessment of them is glib, superficial, and dead wrong. Since you show a complete lack of understanding of child development, we wanted to offer you a lesson. Both boys听and听girls have to develop conflict resolution strategies, learn to navigate difficult relationships and adopt more effective ways to handle disagreements as they get older. It鈥檚 part of the process of maturing. You know, where you sidestep the juvenile reflex to make grandiose, sweeping generalizations of others under the guise of humor or in order to shroud your own insecurities.

On your website鈥檚 鈥淩 U Dateable鈥� quiz, as long as a girl provides answers that keep her silent, dishonest, and malleable to the whim of boys, she鈥檚 dateable. Well, we took the quiz, and much to our dismay 鈥� in your eyes, we are completely (gasp!) undateable! How will we break it to our husbands?

You say that your message has 鈥渞eached over 1,000,000 students across the nation鈥� through your 鈥渢housands鈥� of speeches and 鈥�#1 best-selling鈥� books. We need you to know that your version of things serves to perpetuate grave misogyny and rape culture. There are too many examples to list, but here is a select sampling:

鈥淧lease, please don't tease us. To show us your hot little body ... and then tell us we can't touch it is being a tease. You can't look that sexy and then tell us to be on our best behavior鈥�

鈥淢en of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren't tamed.鈥�

鈥淓very little girl wants to know that she鈥檚 beautiful, and a woman can鈥檛 convince her of that. It takes a male figure to convince her of that.鈥�

鈥淒ateable girls know how to shut up. They don鈥檛 monopolize the conversation. They don鈥檛 tell everyone everything about themselves. They save some for later. They listen more than they gab.鈥�听

鈥淒ateable guys know they aren鈥檛 as sensitive as girls and that鈥檚 okay. They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous and that鈥檚 okay.鈥�

As professors who write and teach about adolescent development, gender stereotypes, and sexuality, we are flabbergasted by the messages you鈥檙e sharing with both boys and girls about who they were created to be. Your opinions are damaging to our youth.

Rather than encouraging all adolescents to become strong, caring, compassionate people who make this world a better place, you focus on 鈥渄ateability.鈥� That is no different than the sexualized, sexist, objectifying messages that girls and boys get every single day from the mass media that tells them that a girl鈥檚 power and worth lies in her looks and her sexuality and that a boy鈥檚 job is to work with all his might to squash his animalistic, uncontrollable urges.

Justin, we believe you mean well and you want to help. Our hope is that the reason for taking down your YouTube videos, removing the co-author of your book from your website, and deleting pictures and hundreds of comments off of your Facebook page is because you have 鈥渟een the light鈥�. We weren鈥檛 able to check out your MySpace page yet simply because our Commodore 64鈥檚 weren鈥檛 fired up, but anyway, moving forward, here are some suggestions we have for you:

• Try reaching kids by espousing a message of human mutuality. Encourage adolescents to see each other as equals, hold each other in high regard, and show mutual respect for one another.

• Stop focusing so heavily on adolescents being 鈥渄ateable鈥� and start focusing on helping them become the best individuals they can be.

• Stop touting rigid gender stereotypes as fact. It is听not听true that men and women are 鈥渉ard wired鈥� differently. It is true, however, that our culture teaches boys and girls that they should have different interests and behaviors. Some kids naturally fall into these, but others don鈥檛. There is a place in this world for sensitive, nurturing men and strong, adventurous women.

• Allow kids to be themselves, let鈥檚 help them cultivate their individual personalities and unique strengths rather than trying to force and box them into some version of roles you think men and women should play.

And most of all, instead of encouraging girls to be mysterious, girly, silent, needy, and sexy and for boys to be bold, wild, insensitive, controlled and dangerous, how about encouraging all adolescents to seek to be world changers? What if, instead of telling kids how to be in inequitable romantic relationships, you taught them how to make the world a better place? Now there鈥檚 a message we could buy into.

Sincerely,

Jennifer W. Shewmaker, Ph.D., NCSP, Associate Professor of Psychology, Abilene 海角大神 University

Dae C. Sheridan, Ph.D., LMHC, CRC, Licensed Psychotherapist, Professor of Human Sexuality, University of South Florida

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