海角大神

At some point during my reporting of our magazine cover story this week,聽Toddlers on touch screens, I stumbled across the iPotty.聽

Or, to be honest, someone e-mailed me a link to the iPotty, because, well, I was writing about toddlers and touch screens, and really, what could get at the essence of this topic any more clearly?聽

The iPotty 鈥� and seriously, saying this out loud only adds to the parental disintegration of verbal dignity that starts with 鈥淧reggie Pops鈥� and continues right on through 鈥渢ummy time鈥� 鈥� is a plastic toilet training contraption with a stand to hold a toddler鈥檚 iPad while he learns how to poo like a big kid. (Don鈥檛 worry 鈥� the product description assures that the iPotty聽鈥渋ncludes a removable touchscreen cover to guard against messy hands and smudges.鈥�) It is brightly colored, child-sized, and like many of the new child iPad and iPhone accessories, a product that brings touch screen technology into some of the most elemental places of young childhood.

Like your bathroom.聽

Creepy? Brilliant?聽聽

Your reaction probably depends on how you view the rapidly growing integration of digital technology into the lives of preschool-aged children. And going by the dozens of parents I interviewed for the piece, that probably includes some level 鈥� but a level vastly different than your neighbor, since parents are all over the map on this 鈥� of unease. With the iPotty: There鈥檚 something to be said for keeping your little one on her seat. Those of us struggling with this particular bodily effort are probably not all that inclined to be moralistic about doing whatever it takes to, um, help get things in the right place.

At the same time ... do I really need the legacy of Steve Jobs to get my daughter to poop? And what if the iPad is not available? Are we going to have one of those association problems about which the child rearing books warn? What if I create a bathroom lingerer, ala those parental figures known to escape into the bathroom with the聽Sunday聽newspaper 鈥� or, well, the iPad?

(If all of this is TMI for you, by the way, you don鈥檛 have a toddler.)

But lest one start focusing too much on this particular item, there are various other touch screen accessories to ponder. Like the Tech Pet.

Move over, Rover. Once upon a time you might have taught your preschooler values like empathy, responsibility, and consistency with the family pet. Now you can just buy a white plastic dog and put your iPhone where the face should be. A dog鈥檚 image shows up on the screen and will respond to your child鈥檚 commands. 鈥淔orward!鈥� 鈥淏ackward鈥� The nurturing lesson comes from the ability to 鈥渇eed and groom鈥� the Tech Pet, says its description.

Except that it鈥檚, um, plastic. And using聽尘测听辫丑辞苍别.听

But to summon the Cat in the Hat (again, you鈥檒l get this if you have a toddler), that鈥檚 not all they can do. Oh no, that鈥檚 not all.

There鈥檚 the stuffed Fisher Price 鈥淎pptivity Monkey,鈥� which 鈥渃omes to life鈥� when an iPhone is attached to its belly. (Again,聽尘测听phone.) There is the Barbie augmented reality digital mirror app, that let鈥檚 kids try on makeup 鈥� 鈥渨ithout the mess!鈥� (Groan. I mean, anyone else not聽飞补苍迟听their little girls to see how they look with perfectly applied lipstick and glitter eye shadow?) There鈥檚 the 鈥済uitar controller鈥� that let鈥檚 you attach an iPad to an air guitar 鈥� furthering the distance between one鈥檚 child and actual music making. (What鈥檚 wrong with the good old fashioned Bill and Ted-style air guitar? I know, I know, my toddler will soon enough tell me how聽辞濒诲听that cultural reference makes me.)聽Anyhow, the list goes on.

At first glance, these items can strike those of us nondigital natives as absurd. But something happened while I was reporting my story. The more I saw of these products, the more they began to seem normal 鈥� or at least as normal as any of the primary colored toys touted to my kids from all directions. That doesn鈥檛 mean that I started to want them in my house, mind you. But it meant that they didn't loom any larger because of their technological components.聽

And that, perhaps, is what might happen with the iPotty.聽What started as an item that made me laugh out loud will morph into just another reason for my little family to double down on our goal of avoiding Stuff We Don鈥檛 Need, and instead focusing on the Real Lives We Have.聽

You know, with dogs that actually need to go for walks. And toddlers who need to learn how to use the toilet 鈥� by themselves.